Your Dying Spouse 382 - Caregiver, Don't Try Too Hard {#write31days}

You want to do it right.

After all, it's your husband or wife who's dying, and you want to do it better than right.

You want it to be perfect.

You want all of his or her needs to be anticipated and met with no compromise. You want their bad moments to be gentled, and the good ones to be celebrated...together.

You want never to run out of patience, or energy or smiles.

But you do, and when you do...your caregiver fail is actually worse than it would have been if you'd just been yourself.

It's worse, because you're adding in a kind of self-contempt, and it shows.

The caregiver's first job, like that of the doctor, is 'do no harm'. You can't offer a cure, you can't really offer a palliative; your job is to offer focused moral support.

And a self-evaluation of your performance isn't a part of that equation.

So please, don't try so hard. Just be there, because that is really what the patient needs. Even if the patient's quarrelsome and cranky and demanding, those are all a mask for loneliness and fear. Your dying spouse needs one thing,and that urgently.

Your presence.

And if anyone remembers the 70s (or wants to remember them), here's Terry Jacks with Seasons In The Sun.

My #write31days posts so far are:

October 1 - Worship For Caregivers

October 2 - Talk To A Caregiver

October 3 -  Create A Caregiver Haven

October 4 - A Caregiver's Raw Hope

October 5 - A Caregiver's Trust

October 6 - Caregiving For Our Country

October 7 - Caregiver, Don't Hold Too Tight

October 8 - Caregiver, You Will Find Freedom In Truth

October 9 - A Caregiving Plan?

October 10 - A Caregiver's Listening Heart
October 11 - Caregiving Remembrances?
October 12 - Caregiver, Write It Down!
October 14 - Taking Care Of God

I do ask that you be patient with my slow replies to your comments (which we treasure). I'm trying to stay caught up.

Still hoping to get the new and improved version of Blessed Are The Pure Of Heart up and running in the near future. Just haven't had the energy to do it yet...but if you would like to read it, please say so in your comment and I'd be glad to send you a PDF (which should fit your Kindle).

I have another blog, "Starting The Day With Grace". The focus is a grace quote from someone you might not expect (like, say Mick Jagger) and a short commentary. I hope you'll join me.

Marley update... been moved to a sanctuary, and Bay County will revise their 'dangerous dog' codes.

WE MADE A DIFFERENCE!

And marley has a Facebook page! Please drop by to see how happy he is today.

If you can, please do leave a comment. I am trying to answer all, and I am failing, but please know this - I read and treasure each one.

Below are my recent releases on Kindle -please excuse their presence in the body of the blog. I haven't the energy to get them up as 'buttons' in the sidebar. You can click on the covers to go to the Amazon links.