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Saturday, October 21, 2017

Your Dying Spouse 389 - Caregiver, Give Hope {#write31days}

Caregiving for a spouse who's terminal can feel pretty hopeless. You know the likely outcome, and you can see it in the day-to-day deterioration of someone with whom you'd hoped to grow old.

And the hardest thing is this: giving hope when you have none.

Your spouse looks primarily to you for feedback, reassurance, encouragement, and, yes, hope.

It's unfair. You're the one closest to the situation, and you have to bear a burden of disbelief...for two.

It's unfair, but you've still got to do it, to the best of your ability. Not the Pollyannish "I'm convince your miracle is right around the corner!", nor the other extreme of "Aren't you glad you're saved, you're going to see Jesus soon!"

I've been waiting of that miracle a long time, and it's taking that corner a bit too slowly...and while meeting Jesus is cool, I don't want to die.

So the hope has to be measured...and sometimes all it can be is the encouragement that what you were able to do today, you will be able to do tomorrow...and maybe do something special. Like, for a housebound person, sitting on the porch with a cup of really good coffee, fresh-brewed, watching the sunrise together.

On a chilly morning, nothing's as nice as that warming cup teaming in your hands...

Ah, darn it. I can't drink coffee any more. But weak tea works.

And that measured hope can't include doom prophesying. Even if you knew the current stage of disappointing deterioration was coming, don't share that!

Makes the patient feel kind of  like a lab-rat test specimen, under observation for expected symptoms.

And it's discouraging, because it means that you, the caregiver, have scripted what's to come.

I know this is terribly hard, because, well, who are you going to share your doubts and fears with, if not your spouse?

And that, dear caregiver, is why you need an accountability partner, someone who'll listen to the worst you can see, and who'll hold your heart in trust. A friend, a support group, a counselor...but you need someone.

You can't do this alone.

How about Ol' Blue Eyes, with The Sunny Side Of The Street?

My #write31days posts so far are:

October 2 - Talk To A Caregiver
October 3 -  Create A Caregiver Haven

Write 31 Days prompts - 2017

I do ask that you be patient with my slow replies to your comments (which we treasure). I'm trying to stay caught up.

Still hoping to get the new and improved version of Blessed Are The Pure Of Heart up and running in the near future. Just haven't had the energy to do it yet...but if you would like to read it, please say so in your comment and I'd be glad to send you a PDF (which should fit your Kindle).

I have another blog, "Starting The Day With Grace". The focus is a grace quote from someone you might not expect (like, say Mick Jagger) and a short commentary. I hope you'll join me.

Marley update... been moved to a sanctuary, and Bay County will revise their 'dangerous dog' codes.


And marley has a Facebook page! Please drop by to see how happy he is today.

If you can, please do leave a comment. I am trying to answer all, and I am failing, but please know this - I read and treasure each one.

Below are my recent releases on Kindle -please excuse their presence in the body of the blog. I haven't the energy to get them up as 'buttons' in the sidebar. You can click on the covers to go to the Amazon links.


  1. Caregivers certainly do need support, but don't have time to join groups for that. I hope Barbara is getting some from her coworkers and online.