You will have to live the rest of your life. Don't throw it away.
When death comes, it will literally cut like a knife. All of the routines of both caregiving and marriage will suddenly end; the life that was fenced in by routine and duties and the small joys of life on the edge of eternity will vanish, leaving...
You will be bereft, and alone.
Yesterday will seem so close1 It will feel like if you reach far enough, you can bring it back. it can't be gone!
But it is, and you're alone, facing a future that is eminently depressing in its freedoms. You'll have your life back, and you won't want it.
But you've got it, and you have to decide what to do.
Mourning is necessary; no question. You will have many, many days when the pain of loss of your loved one and the caregiving routine will be more than you can bear.
But one day, you'll wake up and the loss won't be the first thing you think about.
You'll feel terrible. Guilty, like you're abandoning someone who needs your thoughts, your memory. It's hard to let go.
Those days will come more and more often, and then one day you'll realize something...you've been happy, and didn't realize it.
Looking back at the ordeals will be like looking back over a landscape. The details that hurt so much will become obscured by air and distance.
And that is when your future will begin. You'll always be freighted by a certain wistful sadness...at the very least...but the sorrow will pass, and lose its power to harm.
But you will remember the one you loved.
And you'll recognize him or her in heaven.
And here ends 31 Days of Caregiving, a project I didn't intend to pursue until literally the first day...but I'm glad I did. Energy permitting, I'll turn this into a short book, if it might be a helpful guide. perhaps with an appropriate Bible verse for every entry, so that it might be a sort of devotional.
What do you think?
And we'll go out with the music of the King, singing You'll Never Walk Alone.
My #write31days posts so far are:
October 25 - Why, Caregiver? Just Because
I do ask that you be patient with my slow replies to your comments (which we treasure). I'm trying to stay caught up.
Still hoping to get the new and improved version of Blessed Are The Pure Of Heart up and running in the near future. Just haven't had the energy to do it yet...but if you would like to read it, please say so in your comment and I'd be glad to send you a PDF (which should fit your Kindle).
Marley update... been moved to a sanctuary, and Bay County will revise their 'dangerous dog' codes.
If you can, please do leave a comment. I am trying to answer all, and I am failing, but please know this - I read and treasure each one.
Below are my recent releases on Kindle -please excuse their presence in the body of the blog. I haven't the energy to get them up as 'buttons' in the sidebar. You can click on the covers to go to the Amazon links.