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Monday, October 30, 2017

Your Dying Spouse 398 - Caregiver, Refine Your Life {#write31days}

When you're caring for a terminally ill spouse,your life, as we have seen, is going to change. A lot.

One of the things that goes by the wayside, in many cases, is some degree o that old-fashioned word refinement.

Refinement can be defined as cultured elegance in manner and style, and that's awfully hard to keep up when you're emptying bedpans or cleaning up vomit.

Or, for that matter, when you're exhausted at 3 AM...isn't it always 3 in the morning when bad stuff happens?..too tired to sleep, but too painfully aware that you're sitting next to someone who's going to die soon. Someone you love.

It can be hard to see the importance in doing more than the minimum in looking good, and even in taking the time to speak in anything beyond a rushed jumble. ust get it all over with.

But I am going to ask that you try, just a little bit, to care. That even on the weekend, when it's going to be shut-in time, that you make the effort to dress neatly. That you choose words carefully, and speak clearly. No PJ's and bathrobe, no mumbling.

Act with refinement. Be elegant.

These words are different for different people, and different budgets. For me, elegant meant I was wearing shoes instead of flip-flops, and I had shaved that week....or at least the week before.

And refined speech meant, back in the day, that only every tenth word or so was unprintable.

OK, kidding, but you get my drift. Do what you can, with what you have, and with who you are.

Why?  Why even bother?

The simple answer is that taking pride in your persona and taking care of your presentation keep you focused on maintaining quality in everything you do...including caregiving. It's unfair, in a way...I mean, why can't you be comfortable and a bit sloppy?

Sloppiness spreads, that's why.

The more complicated answer is that you should not 'be going down together'; your spouse/patient needs some surety, something firm to which to hold that reminds him or her of a normal life. The way you carry yourself is the bridge between the sickbed and The World.

And believe me...that bridge is needed.

 Music from Mandisa, with Broken Hallelujah.

My #write31days posts so far are:

October 2 - Talk To A Caregiver
October 3 -  Create A Caregiver Haven
October 5 - A Caregiver's Trust
October 9 - A Caregiving Plan?
October 13 - Taking Care Of God
October 19 - A Caregiver's Brave
October 21 - Caregiver, Give Hope

Write 31 Days prompts - 2017

I do ask that you be patient with my slow replies to your comments (which we treasure). I'm trying to stay caught up.

Still hoping to get the new and improved version of Blessed Are The Pure Of Heart up and running in the near future. Just haven't had the energy to do it yet...but if you would like to read it, please say so in your comment and I'd be glad to send you a PDF (which should fit your Kindle).

I have another blog, "Starting The Day With Grace". The focus is a grace quote from someone you might not expect (like, say Mick Jagger) and a short commentary. I hope you'll join me.

Marley update... been moved to a sanctuary, and Bay County will revise their 'dangerous dog' codes.


And marley has a Facebook page! Please drop by to see how happy he is today.

If you can, please do leave a comment. I am trying to answer all, and I am failing, but please know this - I read and treasure each one.

Below are my recent releases on Kindle -please excuse their presence in the body of the blog. I haven't the energy to get them up as 'buttons' in the sidebar. You can click on the covers to go to the Amazon links.


  1. Refinement. Now THAT'S a word to remember at 3am!

    Hey, man, you've made it. 31 Days straight, day in and day out. Congrats on taking the challenge and running with it. You're a champion indeed.

    Now ... rest, rest, rest.

    1. Linda, I am so happy to have made it! Didn't think, for awhile, that I would.

      And I will rest a bit.

      And then, try to expand these posts, find appropriate Scripture, and turn it into a devotional.