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Love and marriage are the greatest adventures in life, and they point they way to our relationship with the Almighty.

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Thursday, May 24, 2018

Your Dying Spouse 477 - My Reason To Live {FMF}

(A quick note - if you've tried to leave comments here and failed, please try again - we've changed the settings.)

It's getting ugly.

Literally...I've got these big nasty sellings where the lymph nodes live, along the side of my ribcage under my arms...and in the abdomen, here the pancreas lurks. And starting up on the neck. Not a Kodak moment.

Yuck. And they really, really hurt. I'm constantly doing a Moses, arms outstretched, to avoid contact-pain. Aaron and Hur go by the names Ladron and Sylvia, keeping the arms up.

It's been suggested to me by many who sincerely love me that it's time to let go - to fall away into Jesus' arms, and to let the pain end.

It's even been suggested that I consider assisted suicide - legal in my state. Pain is bad and fixin' to get worse. A LOT worse.

Why not just skip it? I mean, three near-death events in three weeks, and it does look like God is calling me home.

Perhaps He is, and perhaps I'm a fool for not answering His call, but...

...I have promises to keep,
and miles to go before I sleep...

I promised to do my best in this life, and even though the scope of my abilities is drastically reduced, I can still do something.

I can keep writing this blog, to witness to the fact that even in pain and humiliation, we can choose to make our lives worthwhile.

I can encourage friends I'll never meet in this life not to give up on their dreams, that their dreams are God-given and important to Him. Dreams make a difference.

I can pray for my wife and for our friends and for those people for whom a single prayer can to the balance for hope.

I can say a kind word, and then say another one. I have to pause for breath between each word, yeah. But a pause is not an end. (And pause is the Five Minute Friday prompt this week.)

I can share my blessings, as long as I have one breath left to give.

To. Give.

And so, over to Laura Story, with Blessings.



Please pardon my slow response to comments. I do my best, and your comments are really precious to me. Barb is answering many of them now. I'm running on fumes, if you don't mind a macho metaphor.

I'm grateful for the energy to have written this. I'm so glad Barbara's stepped in for many of my posts. I'm really not doing well at all.

Thanks to Carol Ashby, Blessed Are The Pure Of Heart is back on Kindle, and will be available in paperback soon.

Friends are everything. I couldn't have done it.

Marley update... been moved to a sanctuary, and Bay County will revise their 'dangerous dog' codes.


WE MADE A DIFFERENCE!

And Marley has a Facebook page! Please drop by to see how happy he is today.


If you can, please do leave a comment. I am trying to answer all, and I am failing, but please know this - I read and treasure each one.

Below are my recent releases on Kindle -please excuse their presence in the body of the blog. I haven't the energy to get them up as 'buttons' in the sidebar. You can click on the covers to go to the Amazon links.














Tuesday, May 22, 2018

Your Dying Spouse 476 - They Come By Night

I as hoping to skate through this part, but God had other plans.

I get to do my end-of-life review through dreams. It's not fun.

Sleep comes very hard; there is no position I can tolerate for more than a few minutes, so about 10-15 minutes of a restless doze is all I get at one time, and it's enough, unfortunately, for what dreams may come. (Remember the movie of that name?)

And come they do. I am being led through my past, in no particular chronology, to see here I might have done better. Waking comes with a sense of loss, and a strong sense of failure, most of the time.

Not always. Sometimes I get to dream about flying. Those are good.

I've never been a believer in 'dream interpretation', and I'm still not convinced in hidden meanings.

It's more God saying, "Look, boyo, this is where you really screwed up, and I need you to focus. Not to do better, but to understand that self-satisfaction isn't something you can carry into Heaven."

It's hard, but I have to believe He's right. I'm afraid to sleep, because what I find in dreams will be worse than the constant pain, but no one ever said that the road to heaven was easy.

I'll face the demons. He's at my side.

God's a pretty good bodyguard.

Music from Heart, with These Dreams.


Please pardon my slow response to comments. I do my best, and your comments are really precious to me. Barb is answering many of them now. I'm running on fumes, if you don't mind a macho metaphor.

I'm grateful for the energy to have written this. I'm so glad Barbara's stepped in for many of my posts. I'm really not doing well at all.

Thanks to Carol Ashby, Blessed Are The Pure Of Heart is back on Kindle, and will be available in paperback soon.

Friends are everything. I couldn't have done it.

Marley update... been moved to a sanctuary, and Bay County will revise their 'dangerous dog' codes.


WE MADE A DIFFERENCE!

And Marley has a Facebook page! Please drop by to see how happy he is today.


If you can, please do leave a comment. I am trying to answer all, and I am failing, but please know this - I read and treasure each one.

Below are my recent releases on Kindle -please excuse their presence in the body of the blog. I haven't the energy to get them up as 'buttons' in the sidebar. You can click on the covers to go to the Amazon links.















Sunday, May 20, 2018

Your Dying Spouse 475 - Vincero

A night of screams, last night, and the long dark tunnel, and the bright light at its end, growing brighter and warmer.

And I turned away from the light, and embraced the knife-thrust of each breath with all my strength, to return to the desolate pain of pain in the dark before the dawn.

And I'm still here, with the closing lines of Nessun Dorma in my head.

It ill be time to go, quite soon. Three near-death events in three weeks isn't subtle.

But not today.

Dilegua, o notte!

Tramontate, stelle!
Tramontate, stelle!
All'alba vincerĂ²!
VincerĂ²! VincerĂ²!
Vanish, o night!

Fade, you stars!
Fade, you stars!
At dawn, I will win!
I will win! I will win!


Please pardon my slow response to comments. I do my best, and your comments are really precious to me. Barb is answering many of them now. I'm running on fumes, if you don't mind a macho metaphor.

I'm grateful for the energy to have written this. I'm so glad Barbara's stepped in for many of my posts. I'm really not doing well at all.

Thanks to Carol Ashby, Blessed Are The Pure Of Heart is back on Kindle, and will be available in paperback soon.

Friends are everything. I couldn't have done it.

Marley update... been moved to a sanctuary, and Bay County will revise their 'dangerous dog' codes.


WE MADE A DIFFERENCE!

And Marley has a Facebook page! Please drop by to see how happy he is today.


If you can, please do leave a comment. I am trying to answer all, and I am failing, but please know this - I read and treasure each one.

Below are my recent releases on Kindle -please excuse their presence in the body of the blog. I haven't the energy to get them up as 'buttons' in the sidebar. You can click on the covers to go to the Amazon links.










Friday, May 18, 2018

Your Dying Spouse 474 - The Secret Of Everything

Do you wanna know?

Lean in.

Closer.

CLOSER.

The secret is...wait for it...

It's not about you.

Life isn't about rights; it's about responsibilities.

And when you realize that, you can face your on death, the hardest thing you will ever do, with an easy heart, because it's not unfair.

It's just life, and while you are circling the drain, the responsibilities remain.

And you will, trust me, thank God for them.

So, when you...wait, what?

"What about ME??"

What about you? Your heart is in someone else's care. You have to let it go, and give God the space to work. Kind of like steeling yourself not to watch the plumber as he's fixing your disposal and teaching His apprentice at the same time.

You are responsible for the care of others, and they are responsible for your care.

So let it go, and live.

Music from Linkin Park, ith the lovely Iridescent.


Please pardon my slow response to comments. I do my best, and your comments are really precious to me. Barb is answering many of them now. I'm running on fumes, if you don't mind a macho metaphor.

I'm grateful for the energy to have written this. I'm so glad Barbara's stepped in for many of my posts. I'm really not doing well at all.

Thanks to Carol Ashby, Blessed Are The Pure Of Heart is back on Kindle, and will be available in paperback soon.

Friends are everything. I couldn't have done it.

Marley update... been moved to a sanctuary, and Bay County will revise their 'dangerous dog' codes.


WE MADE A DIFFERENCE!

And marley has a Facebook page! Please drop by to see how happy he is today.


If you can, please do leave a comment. I am trying to answer all, and I am failing, but please know this - I read and treasure each one.

Below are my recent releases on Kindle -please excuse their presence in the body of the blog. I haven't the energy to get them up as 'buttons' in the sidebar. You can click on the covers to go to the Amazon links.













Thursday, May 17, 2018

Your Dying Spouse 473 - Efficient Service, Excellent Character....for Christ {FMF}

Efficiency of service &  Excellence of character

Many of us are witnessing the next adult steps of the younger generation, and walk a little prouder due to their achievements.

Our nephew graduated from Virginia Military Institute (VMI), donned his Marine uniform for the first official time,  was pinned by his mother & sister,  saluted by his father, and if that wasn't enough he crowned it with the Society of Cincinnati Medal (the faculty award for efficiency of service &  excellence of character).

As a non-parent the view of such a milestone is very different.   I provided no influence for this young man's achievements,  and was only a distant family member.  Yet,  there is honor in that very distance, causing me to pause and consider...there are graduates in whom their families believe and have in them witnessed the very same strong attributes.

What does it mean to be an Efficient Servant?  What are the characteristics of Excellence?   Many first thoughts are those of achievements.   The Bible gives us the guidelines for both and reminds us that in our striving for both pitfalls will occur.  In the guidelines, the Bible also reminds us of how we respond to the pitfalls an Efficient Servant & an Excellent character manifest

Congratulations to the graduates of educational levels and vocation.  May you continue to strive for growth in life,  may you find your grounding and footing when challenged,  may you look inwardly for knowledge & act with grace in Wisdom, and may you daily walk humbly with your Savior.

One personal note : I, Barbara, have had many growth influences in my nearly 55 years.   Mom always placed spiritual ones in my path, luckily for us the Jesus movement was strong in those days. There were many musical influences; John Michael Talbot was one.   I was given a great gift by Andrew to see John preform in a 300 year old church in Albuquerque last week.   The video below isn't from that church but is still the essence of the spiritual evening I experienced.


If you're interested, you can find Andrew Budek-Schmeisser's books on Amazon.