Your Dying Spouse 488 - Arrow To The Future {FMF}

I'm ready to go.

I'm ready to die.

My body's breaking up fast now, new pain, and worse. And I'm so very, very tired.

It's in the bones and the lymph nodes and the lungs now. Oh, darn.

And from a truly dreadful pain event last weekend, my head's been recalibrated; I'm not really myself at the moment. Trying to navigate a life that's only half-remembered on the other side of Hell, that's hard.

However.

I still have a hand-hold in tomorrow, and I intend to use that to pull myself forward.

There is Barbara, whom I can support in her diligent, dedicated work. I don't understand much of what she does (she's an accountant, for Pete's sake, and who understands that?), but she deals with people, and people I sort of understand. I can offer prayers and find Scripture that bolster her compassion and professionalism in bringing out their best. She's a supervisor, with the emphasis on Super.

There are the dogs, who have carried me so far, and whom I can support in love.

There are friends whom I can encourage, like Jeanne Takenaka, who writes a terrifically inspiring blog, and whose fiction will one day leave a bright meteor-trail in the Kingdom of God on Earth.

And Carol Ashby, whose historical Roman fiction, the Light In The Empire series, brings the Light of God's Love to illuminate dark old days.

Being ready to die doesn't mean giving up.

It means that I'm finally ready to live.

Music from Switchfoot, with Who We Are.

Please pardon my slow response to comments. I do my best, and your comments are really precious to me. Barb is answering many of them now. I'm running on fumes, if you don't mind a macho metaphor.

I'm grateful for the energy to have written this. I'm so glad Barbara's stepped in for many of my posts. I'm really not doing well at all.

Thanks to Carol Ashby, Blessed Are The Pure Of Heart is back on Kindle, and will be available in paperback soon.

Friends are everything. I couldn't have done it.

Marley update... been moved to a sanctuary, and Bay County will revise their 'dangerous dog' codes.

WE MADE A DIFFERENCE!

And marley has a Facebook page! Please drop by to see how happy he is today.

If you can, please do leave a comment. I am trying to answer all, and I am failing, but please know this - I read and treasure each one.

Below are my recent releases on Kindle -please excuse their presence in the body of the blog. I haven't the energy to get them up as 'buttons' in the sidebar. You can click on the covers to go to the Amazon links.

Your Dying Spouse 487 - At Peace

Pain in new places, more cutting and severe.

Sylvia and Ladron, the chief service dogs, finish my meals.

And the fatigue is crushing. So much I want to do, and can't.

I am at peace with this.

I will be leaving before too long, going home. But I have been, and am doing, the very best that I can.

Music from Johnny Mathis, with Coming Home.

Please pardon my slow response to comments. I do my best, and your comments are really precious to me. Barb is answering many of them now. I'm running on fumes, if you don't mind a macho metaphor.

I'm grateful for the energy to have written this. I'm so glad Barbara's stepped in for many of my posts. I'm really not doing well at all.

Thanks to Carol Ashby, Blessed Are The Pure Of Heart is back on Kindle, and will be available in paperback soon.

Friends are everything. I couldn't have done it.

Marley update... been moved to a sanctuary, and Bay County will revise their 'dangerous dog' codes.

WE MADE A DIFFERENCE!

And marley has a Facebook page! Please drop by to see how happy he is today.

If you can, please do leave a comment. I am trying to answer all, and I am failing, but please know this - I read and treasure each one.

Below are my recent releases on Kindle -please excuse their presence in the body of the blog. I haven't the energy to get them up as 'buttons' in the sidebar. You can click on the covers to go to the Amazon links.

Your Dying Spouse 486 - Both Sides Now

After a truly brutal weekend, we have no words, so we leave you with Judy Collins, and Both Sides Now.

And may we ask your prayers? This isn't survivable, but we can only ask for courage in the hard days.

Please pardon my slow response to comments. I do my best, and your comments are really precious to me. Barb is answering many of them now. I'm running on fumes, if you don't mind a macho metaphor.

I'm grateful for the energy to have written this. I'm so glad Barbara's stepped in for many of my posts. I'm really not doing well at all.

Thanks to Carol Ashby, Blessed Are The Pure Of Heart is back on Kindle, and will be available in paperback soon.

Friends are everything. I couldn't have done it.

Marley update... been moved to a sanctuary, and Bay County will revise their 'dangerous dog' codes.

WE MADE A DIFFERENCE!

And marley has a Facebook page! Please drop by to see how happy he is today.

If you can, please do leave a comment. I am trying to answer all, and I am failing, but please know this - I read and treasure each one.

Below are my recent releases on Kindle -please excuse their presence in the body of the blog. I haven't the energy to get them up as 'buttons' in the sidebar. You can click on the covers to go to the Amazon links.

Your Dying Spouse 485 - A Healed Heart {FMF}

So the fight gets harder. The week since a near-death event has seen new pain, new symptoms, and fatigue that makes every step seem uphill, like I'm forced to walk some hellish Moebius Strip.

And I love life more than ever. I'm happier than I've ever been.

And I'm at peace.

Cancer is only a part of life. Granted, it can seem a pretty huge part when you're doubled over in a pool of blood you've just spit up,and there's no one around and if you're going to get up you have to do it yourself.

But as I was doing just this, recently (fortunately outside, on the dirt!) I noticed a green stone filled with shiny flecks. Don't now what it was, but it made me feel better.

Grace does abound, but I hadn't been looking at God's freely-given gifts. I was only interested in the grace I could make myself.

And that, dear friends, is the flight-path of the famed Equatorial Concentric Bird, which flies in ever-tightening circles until it disappears up its own...uh, tailpipe.

I was so busy washing the window that I never bothered to look through it.

And now at the apparent end of so many things, comes the payoff.

I looked around, and saw so many gentle blessings, none of which I could ever have earned.

I looked within, and saw something I had never expected to see.

A heart that's at peace.

And so, I'm still in the fight. But my heart has finally healed, and when the end does come - and I am working hard to make sure that day is a long way off, yet - that healed and whole heart is what I will carry to Christ, and I will thank Him for keeping it safe.

Music from Switchfoot, with Love Alone Is Worth The Fight.

Please pardon my slow response to comments. I do my best, and your comments are really precious to me. Barb is answering many of them now. I'm running on fumes, if you don't mind a macho metaphor.

I'm grateful for the energy to have written this. I'm so glad Barbara's stepped in for many of my posts. I'm really not doing well at all.

Thanks to Carol Ashby, Blessed Are The Pure Of Heart is back on Kindle, and will be available in paperback soon.

Friends are everything. I couldn't have done it.

Marley update... been moved to a sanctuary, and Bay County will revise their 'dangerous dog' codes.

WE MADE A DIFFERENCE!

And marley has a Facebook page! Please drop by to see how happy he is today.

If you can, please do leave a comment. I am trying to answer all, and I am failing, but please know this - I read and treasure each one.

Below are my recent releases on Kindle -please excuse their presence in the body of the blog. I haven't the energy to get them up as 'buttons' in the sidebar. You can click on the covers to go to the Amazon links.

Your Dying Spouse 484 - Right Here Right Now

So these are dreadful and scary days; a part of me wants to hide from the pain, and especially from the new and ominous symptoms.

My body is telling me that death could come this afternoon, or next week, or months from now, after accelerating pain and humiliation.

But while death can come, life is, right here, right now.

It's my choice to live it.

Over to Jesus Jones, with Right Here Right Now.

Please pardon my slow response to comments. I do my best, and your comments are really precious to me. Barb is answering many of them now. I'm running on fumes, if you don't mind a macho metaphor.

I'm grateful for the energy to have written this. I'm so glad Barbara's stepped in for many of my posts. I'm really not doing well at all.

Thanks to Carol Ashby, Blessed Are The Pure Of Heart is back on Kindle, and will be available in paperback soon.

Friends are everything. I couldn't have done it.

Marley update... been moved to a sanctuary, and Bay County will revise their 'dangerous dog' codes.

WE MADE A DIFFERENCE!

And marley has a Facebook page! Please drop by to see how happy he is today.

If you can, please do leave a comment. I am trying to answer all, and I am failing, but please know this - I read and treasure each one.

Below are my recent releases on Kindle -please excuse their presence in the body of the blog. I haven't the energy to get them up as 'buttons' in the sidebar. You can click on the covers to go to the Amazon links.