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Thursday, January 18, 2018

Your Dying Spouse 440 - Hope At Midnight {FMF}

I can only give you this, a comment I made on a Books And Such Literary Agency blog post...

"For what it may be worth, to be filed under ‘keeping hope alive’, I am finding that as my situation grows more hopeless, hope itself burns all the brighter to warm and illuminate my days.
* Yeah, that sounds really stupid. A mentally lethal overdose on The Power Of Positive Thinking.
* But there may be something deeper and true at work; it’s hard to breathe, and I’m grateful for every breath. It’s hard to move, and every step is a small miracle. It’s hard to write, and the rationed effort means every word has to have meaning.
* What if all these together, the gratitude and the wonder and the exacting need discovered accidentally and at painful cost, are the soil and the water and the sunlight of hope’s nurturing?
* What if it means that hope is not what we have, but what we become?"


- left as a comment on the Books and Such blog post, "There's Still Hope For New Writers!"

I guess it means that hope has to be intentional, which is the Five Minute Friday prompt this week.

Please know that I treasure your comments. I read (or have read to me) all of them, and this week I was able to answer most. I will keep trying, but please have patience.

And here is the best scene from Lord Of The Rings: The Return Of The King. I take great comfort in it; I hope you will, too.

The journey doesn't end here.



And music, from the same source...Into The West. Barbara will probably have this played at my funeral. Don't know if she'll be able to sing it (she has a lovely voice, and sang Amazing Grace at our wedding).


Still, I don't want to die. Please help me to be brave?

If you're interested, you can find Andrew's books on Amazon.

Thursday, January 11, 2018

Your Dying Spouse 439 - Final Thoughts, Maybe {FMF}

I sure don't want this to be the end. But now every word has to count. I'm choking on every breath, and it's ugly.

Coming to the end of my strength, barring a remission, and have to cannibalize another blog comment I made. Please pardon my inability to respond to comments at the moment; I treasure them all, please know this!

You guys have brought meaning to the end of my life.

This is my version of Emily Dickinson's "The Chariot", perhaps her most famous poem. I hope that she'll forgive me (and that you poetic types will, too).


Because I could not stop for Death,

he kindly stopped for me;
and then drove on with intaken breath
on facing my Glock 23.
He wanted to offer the boon of rest
my labours now complete;
but my blood I shed, merely a test
to show that I won’t retreat
The mission ahead, now blinding-clear
to attend to tasks undone,
to face hell’s fire with no fear
and outrace the setting sun.
The heavenly multitudes wish I’d quit,
they ache at cheering the dying.
But work remains and I’m still fit
to kill myself in the trying.

This originally appeared on a Books and Such blog post, as a comment.

In fairness, here's the original poem from the Belle of Amherst:

Because I could not stop for Death
He kindly stopped for me
The carriage held but just ourselves
And Immortality

We slowly drove, he knew no haste
And I had put away
My labor, and my leisure too
For his civility
We passed the school where children playedTheir lessons scarcely doneWe passed the fields of gazing grainWe passed the setting sun

We paused before a house that seemed
A swelling of the ground
The roof was scarcely visible
The cornice but a mound

Since then 'tis centuries; but each
Feels shorter than the day
I first surmised the horses' heads
Were toward eternity

Music from Mike And The Mechanics, with All I Need Is A Miracle.


If you're interested, you can find Andrew's books on Amazon.




Thursday, January 4, 2018

Your Dying Spouse 438 - No Hope But This {FMF}

There's no hope now, but there is this (and I'm too trashed to do more than lift a comment I left on another blog, sorry). It's the best I have, and all I have.

"I’m finding that for me, success equates to discipline, because that’s what keeps hope alive in one’s darker hours. Getting pneumonia over the Christmas holidays, on top of everything else, I’m in no little danger, and things are so unpleasant (putting it mildly) that it’s easy to feel abandoned by God, and to metaphorically fold my arms and just stop…stop writing, stop caring, stop nurturing the hope that there may yet be hope.
"That way leads down a path from which, eventually, there’s no return, because it leads to a magnetically false God, one whose promises are cherry-picked and whose fell warnings are cast aside, and in whose inevitable failure is the seed of faith’s destruction, hope’s abnegation, and the withering of love.
"So success is holding tight to where I am, writing when I don’t want to write (like right now), forcing myself to keep caring because I cared once, and choosing faith, not because it ‘works’ but because it’s only truly defined by the chiaroscuro of pain’s deep shadow." (This originally appeared as a comment on the Steve Laube Agency blog, For The New Year: Define Success)

I'm sorry that I have been unresponsive to comments, both on the blog and on Facebook. I'll try to do better, but just writing a few sentences is exhausting now.

The Impossible Dream and the final scene from Man Of La Mancha are the accompaniment. Hope you don't think it kind of self-serving; I just like the song.


If you're interested, you can find Andrew's books on Amazon.

Tuesday, January 2, 2018

Your Dying Spouse 437 - Almost Gone

Almost died today. Couldn't breathe, and as the world dimmed around me I could see The Light.

Didn't go. Still too much to do, and besides, service dogs Ladron and Sylvia were beating the crap out of me.

So I am still here. Pretty shook up, and in too much pain to write more, let alone select music.






Wednesday, December 27, 2017

Monday, December 25, 2017

Your Dying Spouse 435 - Caregiving's Light {#adventphoto2017}

In being the caregiver for God Incarnate, Mary carried the Light of the World in her arms.

And so do you, as you care for your dying husband or wife. You are caring for someone made in God's image, someone for whom He sent His son to die.

In all the mess, in all the querulousness, in all the fatigue and frustration...you're doing something holy.

You will get tired and impatient; you will sometimes ask why.

No matter. mary got impatient; Jesus asked Why, and that His cup pass Him by.

It doesn't matter all that much how you do it. It matters that you do it.

And with that, Advent for Careegivers comes to a close. I'm profoundly grateful for your taing the time to read this, and comment. I didn't thin.sometimes, that I'd make it through to the end.

Well,  din't.

WE DID.

Music from Kari Jobe, with We Are.



Today's keyword for Advent-Photo-A-Day is light.


Previous posts in this series are

December 4 - A Caregiving Home
December 6 - A Caregiver's Vision
December 8 - A Caregiver's Renewal
December 12 - A Table In The Presence
December 14 - Into The Mystery
December 16 - A Caregiver's Open Arms
December 19 - Caregiving's Release
December 21 - Caregiving's Gift
December 23 - A Caregiver's Wonderings

Please pardon my slow response to comments. I'm doing my best, and your comments are really precious to me.

I'm really not doing well at all.

Thanks to Carol Ashby, Blessed Are The Pure Of Heart is back on Kindle, and will be available in paperback in a few days!

Friends are everything. I couldn't have done it.

I have another blog, "Starting The Day With Grace". The focus is a grace quote from someone you might not expect (like, say Mick Jagger) and a short commentary. I hope you'll join me.




Marley update... been moved to a sanctuary, and Bay County will revise their 'dangerous dog' codes.

WE MADE A DIFFERENCE!

And marley has a Facebook page! Please drop by to see how happy he is today.


If you can, please do leave a comment. I am trying to answer all, and I am failing, but please know this - I read and treasure each one.

Below are my recent releases on Kindle -please excuse their presence in the body of the blog. I haven't the energy to get them up as 'buttons' in the sidebar. You can click on the covers to go to the Amazon links.






Sunday, December 24, 2017

Your Dying Spouse 434 - Caregiving's Impatient Love {#adventphoto2017}

I wonder if Mary sometimes found Jesus hard to love.

Maybe not hard to love, exactly, but exasperating...like the time He stayed behind in Jerusalem, hanging out at the Temple.

And they looked everywhere for Him.

No less love, but I suspect more than a bit of impatience.

Caregiving's like that. A patient can get on your last frayed nerve...but the love doesn't stop.

The patience for the patient, at that moment, might!

Music from Jars Of Clay, with Love Came Down At Christmas.



Today's keyword for Advent-Photo-A-Day is love.


Previous posts in this series are

December 4 - A Caregiving Home
December 6 - A Caregiver's Vision
December 8 - A Caregiver's Renewal
December 12 - A Table In The Presence
December 14 - Into The Mystery
December 16 - A Caregiver's Open Arms
December 19 - Caregiving's Release
December 21 - Caregiving's Gift

Please pardon my slow response to comments. I'm doing my best, and your comments are really precious to me.

I'm really not doing well at all.

Thanks to Carol Ashby, Blessed Are The Pure Of Heart is back on Kindle, and will be available in paperback in a few days!

Friends are everything. I couldn't have done it.

I have another blog, "Starting The Day With Grace". The focus is a grace quote from someone you might not expect (like, say Mick Jagger) and a short commentary. I hope you'll join me.




Marley update... been moved to a sanctuary, and Bay County will revise their 'dangerous dog' codes.

WE MADE A DIFFERENCE!

And marley has a Facebook page! Please drop by to see how happy he is today.


If you can, please do leave a comment. I am trying to answer all, and I am failing, but please know this - I read and treasure each one.

Below are my recent releases on Kindle -please excuse their presence in the body of the blog. I haven't the energy to get them up as 'buttons' in the sidebar. You can click on the covers to go to the Amazon links.