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Thursday, December 6, 2018

Your Dying Spouse 551 - Spending Christmas Alone {FMF}

No one wants to spend Christmas alone, right? I mean, it's Christmas, for Pete's sake, the day of jollity and feasting and fellowship (and, as Donkey said in Shrek The Halls, Christmas isn't Christmas until somebody cries).

You'd think this, that no one wants to be alone, and in most cases you'd be right, but not here.

I'll be alone, and it's by design.

I'll be dead before so very long, and Barb will have to go on. Sentiment would say, well, spend as much time as you can together while you can...

...but sentiment is stupid.

The relationships that my wife will need to sustain her after my death have to be built now, in relative peace and stability. The friends-that-may-be have to have the best chance to know her, now when things are more-or-less-OK, rather than when she's in crisis.

Holidays are a good get-together day, so I'm encouraging her...if you're invited, go.

I live by Big Boys' Rules, and while Barb's absence on those festive days isn't by any means my preferred choice, it's the right thing to do for her. 

And I'll be OK, with the dogs and some cigars and maybe The Santa Clause on the DVD player.

When you're doing the right thing, you'll always be OK.

It's not about me. It's about the team. And this team stands tall.

Speaking of The Santa Clause, here's some music from the imaginatively-named third film in the series, The Santa Clause 3. The song is The Greatest Time Of Year, by Aly and AJ.


Thanks to Carol Ashby, Blessed Are The Pure Of Heart is back on Kindle, and will be available in paperback soon.

Friends are everything. I couldn't have done it.

Marley, the canine waif from Afghanistan, whom WE helped save, has a Facebook page! Please drop by to see how happy he is today.



Below are my recent releases on Kindle -please excuse their presence in the body of the blog. I haven't the energy to get them up as 'buttons' in the sidebar. You can click on the covers to go to the Amazon links.







30 comments:

  1. good attitude, hard, but good. Taking care of your gal even before you are gone. It's what a man does for his wife. GOOD JOB. :)

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    1. Annette, thank you so much! It just seems like the only way to play out this hand.

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  2. This made me recall what Eric Lund's mother Doris wrote in her book "Eric" (the story of his leukemia). Eric was out of remission and chose to spend Christmas with his girlfriend and go somewhere warm. Eric's mother wrote "Christmas without Eric. Practice for Christmases to come."

    And I love The Santa Clause. In fact, I fell asleep last night with it playing in my DVD. I absolutely love the music when SC first lands at the North Pole.

    Annie in Texas

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    1. Annie, I remember that book well! Thanks for highlighting it here.

      I've never seen the first Santa Clause.Looking forward to it!

      ((((((Hugs!))))))

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  3. I totally understand this and having had some one-on-one time with Barb - I get it. How could you be lonely with 18 dogs? Love you two. Mean it.

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    1. We love you right back, Susan.

      And you're so right...loneliness with eighteen dogs just isn't possible.

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  4. Oh Andrew, this is such a loving and sacrificial thing to suggest to Barb. Somehow you are becoming more Christlike in the passing of days and it is amazing. Love --> always doing what is in the best interest of the other. Thank you for beautifully displaying this.

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    1. Joanne, I am just so honoured by your words. Thank you so much!

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  5. oh my gosh, I love your heart and wisdom... "When you do the right thing, you'll always be okay." Praying a warm and inviting spot for Barbara, and a very PEACEFUL, painless and quietly special pre-real deal for you.

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    1. Jane, thank you so much for this lovely comment, and the grace-filled prayers for us.

      We're praying for you.

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  6. I love your selfless attitude and the way you're looking out for Barbara! And The Santa Clause is a great movie. Love and prayers to both of you!

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    1. Thank you so much, Lesley, for your loving words and for your prayers.

      I've never seen the original Santa Clause - looking forwar to it!

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  7. You have the same heart and spirit as my late husband, Bill. There seems to be a grace for this season. Hugs and prayers to you both!

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    1. karen, wow...thank you so much for this honour! I am really overwhelmed by the gracious comparison, and treasure your words.

      Thank you for the prayers, and hugs back!

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  8. "When you're doing the right thing, you'll always be OK." So true. Andrew, thanks again for sharing your wisdom. It's beautiful the way you care for Barbara and the way she cares for you. God bless and surround you with His love!

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    1. Gayl, thank you for this...we're truly, truly appreciative of you!

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  9. Well it sounds so wonderful and I get your thoughts on this. But absolutely not gonna happen at my house. After our year in 2017, I choose to spend quality and quantity time with the one my soul loves. No one is promised tomorrow - shoot we're not even promised this afternoon. I pray that you will both have the most holy Christmas ever. And who knows but the Lord will return this year and take us all home with Him.

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    1. I sure understand doing it differently...it seems right to me, and that makes a hard thing a bit easier.

      And no, there are no promises...we just have the moment.

      Thank you so much for your prayers!

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  10. Noisy festivities are overrated in my book. The real Christmas happens in our hearts anyway. Abundant blessings to you, brother.

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  11. I had to smile when I read your post as I'm currently watching The Santa Clause. You, my friend, are a gift. I'm over in the 40 spot this week.

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    1. Tara, what a cool coincidence! You're a gift as well, and a treasured friend.

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  12. Nice to see you still linking up for FMF. What a beautiful community.

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    1. Mary, the community here is one of the things that keeps me going. I'm carried on love's wings.

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  13. In a college psychology class I learned this definition of love: When the happiness and well-being of another is essential to one's own happiness and well-being, a state of love exists. Barbara is lucky to have you love her.

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    1. Jan, thank you so much for this...I'm lucky to have her, as well.

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  14. If some of us bloggers lived closer, I'm sure you'd have more than enough guests to watch The Santa Clause with you while Barbara visits with friends, Andrew! ;-) Thanks for reminding us to consider the needs of others in our lives, including and especially the caretakers who give unselfishly so often. Praying that you have many pleasant moments this Christmas--both with and without Barbara by your side!

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    1. Beth, what a wonderful image! I will carry my friends in my heart, and the love will warm me.

      It's going to be a good Christmas.

      Thank you so much for your prayers!

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  15. What an amazing gift you offer your wife. Truly, these are the gifts that define the kingdom that Jesus ushered in.

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