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Love and marriage are the greatest adventures in life, and they point they way to our relationship with the Almighty.

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Monday, December 3, 2018

Your Dying Spouse 549 - An Honest Witness

There are days, like today, that I would just fantasize about morphia. Just the thought of making the pain retreat to a distant place for awhile...

But that's not going to happen, for reasons that are mainly financial (you need to get that stuff from a pain specialist now, and there's no way we can afford that), but also practical. Opioids slow down your digestion, and doing the constipation/laxative dance with wildly painful pancreas and lungs/lymph nodes is a bit too much to contemplate.

So it's down to...well, nothing, between me and a level of pain that can become unearthly (having broken most of the bones in my body, and having been shot, stabbed, and blown up, I can say that with confidence).

But I think there is a purpose to this, if there is a purpose to anything in my life now. I have to go to the limits of the pain attendant to these cancers without aid, so that my words about being able to still enjoy life actually mean something.

Otherwise, it would be like telling someone who's about to run a marathon what to expect, about the pain and the satisfaction intermingled, if I'd never run more than a 3K.

So I've got to embrace the experience, without resentment, to be the honest witness I hope to be.

This isn't the job I would have chosen, but it's what I do, and I will try to do it well.

Music from Andrew Peterson, with Be Kind To Yourself.

Thanks to Carol Ashby, Blessed Are The Pure Of Heart is back on Kindle, and will be available in paperback soon.

Friends are everything. I couldn't have done it.

Marley, the canine waif from Afghanistan, whom WE helped save, has a Facebook page! Please drop by to see how happy he is today.

Below are my recent releases on Kindle -please excuse their presence in the body of the blog. I haven't the energy to get them up as 'buttons' in the sidebar. You can click on the covers to go to the Amazon links.


  1. The song is new to me, Andrew ... listening to it even as we speak. Yes, yes ... be kind and geace-filled to yourself, friend.

    1. Linda, Barb just introduced me to the ong...and it's a really good one!

      Thank you so much for your kind, loving words, Linda, and for being here.

  2. Some songs that made me think of you... as I keep praying. https://youtu.be/P5ZJui3aPoQ https://youtu.be/9h-FmatSk4k

    1. Jane, thank you so much for the lovely song, and for your prayers. We're praying for you, too.

  3. Awww, Andrew. Your life is an amazing testimony of being an accurate witness. Thank you for being the inspiration you are. I continue to pray for you, Barb, and the dogs!

    And, ummm, that song? Spoke right to my heart. I needed to hear it today. Thank you so, so much for sharing it.

    1. Jeanne, I'm so glad the song touched you. I didn't know of it until very recently; Barb sent me the link.

      And thank you so very much for the prayers. we all appreciate them.

  4. (((Andrew & Barb)))

    Annie in Texas

  5. Oh, this is a new song for me. I shared it with a friend who I believe will be so blessed by it, as am I. Thank you. Don't know if my head is in the lion's mouth, but I know my mouth must be a size 8.5 cause my foot is always in it!

    1. Mary, I'm so glad to share my discovery of the song with you. Andrew peterson is GOOD.

      You know the poem 'Footprints'? One set of footprints along the beach in places, because Jesus is carrying one?

      Well, he carried me in a lot of places because I had both feet in my mouth.