I'm no star, but Barb sure is, because things are getting really bad, and she's picking up the slack, what I can no longer do, without complaint.
Added to the pain of a malignant pancreas is a severe chest pain and deep cough that devolves into fearsomely painful dry heaves...and that can't be good. They're exhausting, and by the time Barb gets home from work I'm pretty well spent.
I can only breathe in short gasps off the top of my lungs. Speaking is really a luxury; a sentence takes awhile to finish.
She's pretty well spent, too, but she pitches in to help feed and exercise the dogs, and then tends to me.
Which can include help in the loo, and does include increasing assistance with bathing and dressing.
She doesn't have to feed me. Yet.
But she does have to put up with my determination to fight to the last. The worse I get, the more inclined I am to just keep going, to invent reasons to stay alive.
This is not heroic, because while I am bearing the pain, she is bearing the sorrow of watching someone she loves suffer abominably, to no good end.
I can invent my own valorous narrative; she is picking up the pieces. It's harder for her.
She has a lot to overcome, a lot that she never shows. (Overcome is the Five Minute Friday prompt.)
I hope that you can see how much I admire this woman, my wife. Her cheerful disposition and lighthearted attitude - "I'm sure you'll feel better tomorrow!" - make the horrendous bearable, and the terrifying little more than a stroll through a Halloween haunted house.
And through all this she has to balance heavy supervisorial responsibilities at work...and when I became too ill to stay in the workforce, she had had to re-enter. She's come a long way in a short time. I am so proud of her.
If you've followed our story, you'll know that we were married, divorced, and remarried.
Both times, Barbara said the vow..."for better or for worse...in sickness and in health..."
Clearly, marriage is not for the faint of heart.
But Barbara is not faint of heart. I called my first novel "Blessed Are The Pure Of Heart". Foreshadowing for life? Maybe.
Caregiver to the stars?
She is the star; my North Star, that will guide me home.
Music from Anchor and Braille, Goes Without Saying. Charming song and video; please give it a chance!
My #write31days posts so far are:
October 10 - A Caregiver's Listening Heart
October 11 - Caregiving Remembrances?
October 12 - Caregiver, Write It Down!
October 13 - Taking Care Of God
October 14 - Caregiver, Don't Try Too Hard
October 15 - The Caregiver Will Remain
October 16 - Readings For Caregivers
October 17 - Caregiver, Grow A Thick Skin
October 18 - Caregiver, Share Your Heart
October 19 - A Caregiver's Brave
October 20 - A Caregiver So Far From Home
October 21 - Caregiver, Give Hope
October 22 - Caregiver, Bring The Light
October 23 - Caregiver, Sometimes Nothing Works
October 24 - The Caregiver's Life, Revised
I do ask that you be patient with my slow replies to your comments (which we treasure). I'm trying to stay caught up.
Still hoping to get the new and improved version of Blessed Are The Pure Of Heart up and running in the near future. Just haven't had the energy to do it yet...but if you would like to read it, please say so in your comment and I'd be glad to send you a PDF (which should fit your Kindle).
Marley update... been moved to a sanctuary, and Bay County will revise their 'dangerous dog' codes.
If you can, please do leave a comment. I am trying to answer all, and I am failing, but please know this - I read and treasure each one.
Below are my recent releases on Kindle -please excuse their presence in the body of the blog. I haven't the energy to get them up as 'buttons' in the sidebar. You can click on the covers to go to the Amazon links.