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Tuesday, October 3, 2017

Your Dying Spouse 371 - Create A Caregiver Haven {#write31days}

A friend of Barbara's did a beautiful thing.

She has a spare room, and made it up as a place where Barb can stay and decompress, when everything just gets too much to bear.

I'm not a terrible patient, and hope B considers me non-demanding, but just having to live through the hours she spends in my presence...seeing how hard it is for me to rise, and to speak, and how pallid and hurt I return after a trip to the lav...sometimes she just needs a refuge.

And now she has one. She can sit in a comfortable chair, secure in the knowledge that she won't hear me retching, and watch a movie, read a book, or doze.

She can look out at the mountains, and help her friend in the yard, without half-listening for the frenzied barking that may indicate that I have fallen.

This is wonderful. I can still stay alone (I mean, I function while Barb works, after all) and I want, more than anything, that she look on the time that we can still spend together as something to treasure, not a burden whose weight is to be dreaded as she comes home in the evening, and the weekend closes in.

I want her to have a place to rest, where her spirit can be light.

Do you know a caregiver who needs a haven?

This is part of #write31days with Five Minute Friday, and today's prompt is create.

The appropriate song is, of course, Rescue Me!

Somehow I ended up doing two #write31days blogs; the other is on Starting The Day With Grace.  I'd be honoured if you'd drop by.

I do ask that you be patient with my slow replies to your comments (which we treasure). I'm trying to stay caught up.

Still hoping to get the new and improved version of Blessed Are The Pure Of Heart up and running in the near future. Just haven't had the energy to do it yet...but if you would like to read it, please say so in your comment and I'd be glad to send you a PDF (which should fit your Kindle).

I have another blog, "Starting The Day With Grace". The focus is a grace quote from someone you might not expect (like, say Mick Jagger) and a short commentary. I hope you'll join me.

Marley update... been moved to a sanctuary, and Bay County will revise their 'dangerous dog' codes.


And marley has a Facebook page! Please drop by to see how happy he is today.

If you can, please do leave a comment. I am trying to answer all, and I am failing, but please know this - I read and treasure each one.

Below are my recent releases on Kindle -please excuse their presence in the body of the blog. I haven't the energy to get them up as 'buttons' in the sidebar. You can click on the covers to go to the Amazon links.


  1. What a gift Barbara's friend gave her!

    1. It's really wonderful, Tara. So unexpected, and so manifestly needed. We're really grateful.

  2. That's a truly kind thing. I have a spare room; opening it up for those who need respite is something I need to seriously consider. - Marie (mlsgregg.com)

    1. Marie, doing that would mean the world to someone. I was a caregiver at one point, and needed respite so badly that I built myself a 'cave' in a disused garage, where I could read and have a measure of peace for a few moment, out of the immediacy of the situation.

      Thanks so much for being here.

  3. That's wonderful, Andrew. What a gift your friend has given to Barbara! We don't think about how difficult it must be to be around someone suffering like you've described. It would be like living in a nightmare day after day. Unfortunately, you must stay in that nightmare, but somehow it seems like you can compartmentalize and remain "sane" when all hell is breaking loose in your world. My prayers are being lifted each day, my friend!

    1. Beth, you got it exactly. I'm used to nightmares; in a way I thrive on them, because 'what you call hell, I call home'.

      But for Barbara, or any caregiver, it's drawn-out torture, and she needs that respite, that rest...away from here.

      Many, many thanks for the prayers!

  4. That's beautiful- such a kind thing for Barbara's friend to do!

  5. Barbara is lucky and blessed to have a friend like that and a husband who loves her so much.

    1. Jan, for the first, absolutely, and for the second...I do my very best.

  6. Wow ... now THERE'S a friend, a true, thoughtful gift. What a joy to have a bit of a refuge, a safe place to refresh her soul, mind, body ... and be able to return to the man she loves.

    God is good ...

    1. God is truly good, Linda. That refuge, even the thought of it, is so important. A lifeline.

      Thank you so much for being here!