Nothing against your life - but I wouldn't want you, whoever you are, to experience the amount of pain that I go through on a daily basis. Nothing noble about it - I just wouldn't want it on my conscience.
It comes from a pancreas problem, caused by gallbladder surgery in 2002. It can't be fixed, and increasingly, can't be controlled by medication. Cheap cigars help the nausea, though. There's always a silver lining.
It's characterized by sharp pain in the right upper quadrant of the abdomen, just below the ribs. it extends through to the back, and lately has been cutting across the center (the 'midsagittal plane') to the left side. it really, really sucks.
I thought I'd try to avoid being one of those happy-sappy idiots who says that "This is the best thing that's ever happened to me, and I wouldn't trade it for the world!"
What morons. Anyone with a speck of sense wouldn't want this.
But there is a tiny grain of truth there, a little mustard seed of reality. learning to deal with this has made me able to work under conditions I never thought I could face. Looking at the likely outcome of the process and maintaining both hope and a calm outlook has changed me. Well, okay, for the better, I hope!
There is a lot of support from family and friends, but at the end of the day, the responsibility to keep moving, both physically and emotionally, is mine. One can philosophize until the cows come home comatose, but mastering almost any challenge is a good thing.
I enjoy sunrises and sunsets more. I live each day more fully than most people I see, and try not to denigrate any hour with careless words...nor stain any hour with careless action. I don't watch much television, but I read a lot more. Most important, I try to let my wife know I love her, and let the small stuff go. Just...let it go, and never mention the little stones in everyone's marriage shoes.
I wish it didn't happen, and that I didn't have to go through this...but I think my wife feels more appreciated than if I were 'normal'. I think my dogs are happier.
Ah, the heck with it.
Best thing that ever happened to me.
Your wife knows she's loved, because you make the effort to treasure every second you two have together. Hey, I know, write her a poem!
ReplyDeleteOK, but what rhymes with 'gorgeous'?
DeleteOranges?
I still think it's a bummer. Have you tried acupuncture?
ReplyDeleteI did - it made it worse! But thanks for the suggestion.
ReplyDeleteThe thing that helps the most is working as I can, with a good heart and an optimistic spirit. Right now, for instance...my body's in extremis, but I'm still smiling.
So sorry it didn't help. We'll just have to pray for you to get better then. God bless you Andrew--and your wife and your dogs, whom someone just mentioned on Rachelle's blog.
ReplyDeleteThanks, Marion - we all appreciate the prayers.
ReplyDeleteIt's hardest on my wife. Barbara wants so much for me to be well, and she sometimes feels helpless.