For most of my life, and certainly through the cancer journey, I thought faith, like hope and joy and love, was a choice, something that I affirmed every day through active thought and action.
But, well, NO. The past few days have been a catalogue of horrors, pain arcing into despair, more hard lumps in the chest and abdomen, and sometimes it's too tiring to sit up, much less pursue anything beyond the minimum.
And I got mad at God. I mean, enough is enough!
He didn't get mad at me; instead, He turned the anger into a mirror, so that I could see His own heart within me, His own tears in my eyes.
I tried to push Him away.
And He just held on tighter.
Cancer's taking my mobility,
and aims to steal my voice;
it's counting coup for victory,
but faith is not a choice.
I once thought I could decide,
yay or nay on God's place here,
but on seeing this, He's pushed aside
my will, and made His clear.
"You WILL believe what you observe,
the wonders I shall work in you;
it's not about what you deserve,
but My deep love for you."
The wall I'd built for my pride's sake
was one that only He could break.
Music from The Grass Roots, with Glory Bound.
Thanks to Carol Ashby, Blessed Are The Pure Of Heart is back on Kindle, and will be available in paperback soon.
Friends are everything. I couldn't have done it.
Below are my recent releases on Kindle -please excuse their presence in the body of the blog. I haven't the energy to get them up as 'buttons' in the sidebar. You can click on the covers to go to the Amazon links.