Particularly so, when you're facing something really horrendous like cancer...and you know, or at least think that you're doing it pretty well.
The level of pain, as I write this, is so bad that I'm literally trembling. I would much rather stop, and do something else...or to be more accurate,not do anything.
And then there's nausea, and its side effect that I won't describe.
But I'm still writing, and still taking care of the dogs, and still giving Barbara every bit of support I can so that she can advance professionally, and build a life that will sustain her when I'm dead.
Very few people could do this, face this, and still maintain both a cheerful disposition, and an attitude of uncompromising faith.
That's what I think sometimes. Part of it is perhaps true; I'm no stranger to pain, both that inflicted by others and by accident. And I know how to drive myself very hard indeed - "The more you sweat in training, the less you bleed in battle."
But it's easy to place myself in some lofty place, to look around and say, "You...and you...and you...y'all could never to this. I can, because I'm tougher and stronger and more resilient."
Did you just hear the trap spring shut?
Because I'm better.
But the truth is, I don't know how anyone else might face this. I'm not them.
I'm just me, and I have no right to judge.
I just have the obligation to do my best, and the only comparison I'm allowed is with myself.
Music from Buffalo Springfield, ith For What It's Worth.
Please pardon my slow response to comments. I do my best, and your comments are really precious to me. Barb is answering many of them now. I'm running on fumes, if you don't mind a macho metaphor.
I'm grateful for the energy to have written this. I'm so glad Barbara's stepped in for many of my posts. I'm really not doing well at all.
Thanks to Carol Ashby, Blessed Are The Pure Of Heart is back on Kindle, and will be available in paperback soon.
Friends are everything. I couldn't have done it.
If you can, please do leave a comment. I am trying to answer all, and I am failing, but please know this - I read and treasure each one.
Below are my recent releases on Kindle -please excuse their presence in the body of the blog. I haven't the energy to get them up as 'buttons' in the sidebar. You can click on the covers to go to the Amazon links.