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Love and marriage are the greatest adventures in life, and they point they way to our relationship with the Almighty.

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Wednesday, October 10, 2018

Your Dying Spouse 526 - Isolation

One of the really trying parts of terminal illness is a sense of isolation.

You're left on the shore as the river of life passes by, and the common things you hared with friends and family become more tenuous, or they break altogether.

Your life becomes a daily struggle just to do the minimum, and it's hard to keep identifying with people who are fully immersed in the hopes, dreams, and routine of a normal life.

There is a way to counter this, and it's quite simple...you listen.

I can't hold up my end of a conversation with anyone, now, even with Barbara, but I can listen, and listen carefully, and that makes me some small part of their lives.

Barb's work life is complicated and fat-moving - she's a manager, and does a lot of the software verification as upgrades are continually made. She doesn't write code, but she knows what it's supposed to do.

Having written code myself, I can give some value in my listening, and in asking questions. I can hear her when she's talking about building team spirit in the people she supervises, and I can be sympathetic when she's sometimes frustrated.

I'm a part of her life.

It doesn't work in the reverse; my days conist of taking care of the dogs, at a very slow pace, of writing this blog (abd participating in some others), of working on the aeroplane when I'm able (not often, now), and of resting. It's pretty limited, and there's just not much to say.

So I listen, with a full heart.

I think it helps her.

I know it helps me.

Music from Gordon Lightfoot, with Is There Anyone Home?

Please pardon my slow response to comments. I do my best, and your comments are really precious to me. Barb is answering many of them now. I'm running on fumes, if you don't mind a macho metaphor.

I'm grateful for the energy to have written this. I'm so glad Barbara's stepped in for many of my posts. I'm really not doing well at all.

Thanks to Carol Ashby, Blessed Are The Pure Of Heart is back on Kindle, and will be available in paperback soon.

Friends are everything. I couldn't have done it.

Marley, the canine waif from Afghanistan, whom WE helped save, has a Facebook page! Please drop by to see how happy he is today.

If you can, please do leave a comment. I am trying to answer all, and I am failing, but please know this - I read and treasure each one.

Below are my recent releases on Kindle -please excuse their presence in the body of the blog. I haven't the energy to get them up as 'buttons' in the sidebar. You can click on the covers to go to the Amazon links.


  1. You listen with your heart as well as your ears.
    I need to be a good listener. I am often tempted to try to do something else at the same time (and be oh so efficient with my time) instead of being 100% focused on the person talking to me. As an elementary teacher, I know I need to listen like you do, Andrew - with ears and heart. Thank you for reminding me.

    Annie in Texas

    1. Oh, Annie, I know the feeling! I tried to be a multitasking listener as well...and then cancer slowed me down, and taught me that I really do have all the time in the world to listen.

      All the time in the world, because my time is measured. I can give to others that which I hoarded for myself.

      Thank you so much for being here!

  2. Stopping by. Checking in. Listening... and letting your words do their magic. Praying for peace in your storm today.

    1. Jane, thank you so much! Your presence here brightens my day, and we do continue to lift you in prayer.

  3. To learn how to listen is a huge lesson. Many of us don't. I included. I get myself in trouble hearing half truths or wrong intentions. I think today people just want a voice. That's okay, we need to express, but wow, listen to others and not just your own echoes. Andrew, I am still praying for you. I haven't been on the computer as much as usual. I have not forgotten you. I am not getting the prompt words for tmr lately. I don't know why.

    1. Mary, you've hit somany truths in this comment, I'm just awed. That everyone really just wants a voice today...I think you hit it right on the head, the root for what has gone so wrong in our public discourse!

      I truly appreciate the prayers, and I'm just delighted to see you here.

  4. I haven’t had much time lately to see how you are doing through the Books and Such Blog, but I have enjoyed still getting to hear from you as these posts come to my inbox. I am continuing to pray for you and Barbara. Listening is a skill we could all do a little better at. Thank you for sharing your journey with us.

    1. Crystal, it's so nice to see you here, and we're very, very grateful for the prayers.

      Thank you for coming along on this trip; I'm honoured by your presence.