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Love and marriage are the greatest adventures in life, and they point they way to our relationship with the Almighty.

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Monday, October 22, 2018

Your Dying Spouse 531 - Brutal Truths

Doin' bad, and doin' worse,
but I'm not a flutterin' flighty,
'cause I know there ain't a curse
that can stand agin' the Almighty.

Hope y'all don't mind a recycled blog comment from today's Mundane Faithfulness, a touching piece that Kara Tippetts wrote while in hospice care, called Tears In My Life Cereal.

"There are no tears here, as I am dying, and even as my wife noticed a real "Oh, CRAP" development in me last night. When she pointed it out, in an unsteady voice, my response was, "Whoa!. That SUCKS." "

"It's not a good thing, this hardass flippancy...well, it's good for me, but it's a real bummer for those around me; in a sense, it undermines their basis for compassion..."If HE doesn't really care, why should I?"

"So I think there are maybe special responsibilities incumbent upon the dying, to walk a line between neediness and emotional breakdown, and the kind of hardness that excludes humanity. We have to think of the burdens we place on others, or the things we may be taking FROM them that are theirs to carry.

"And we have to think about legacy; I won't be here for the days when Barbara will be wishing she could have somehow reached what she perceives to be the scared child within me, and offer the comfort that only a spouse can.

"I don't know how to do this, and if anyone would care to make suggestions, I would be grateful."

Some fun music from the all-girl alt-rock band Lillix, with It's About Time. Feels oddly appropriate.

Please pardon my slow response to comments. I do my best, and your comments are really precious to me. Barb is answering many of them now. I'm running on fumes, if you don't mind a macho metaphor.

I'm grateful for the energy to have written this. I'm so glad Barbara's stepped in for many of my posts. I'm really not doing well at all.

Thanks to Carol Ashby, Blessed Are The Pure Of Heart is back on Kindle, and will be available in paperback soon.

Friends are everything. I couldn't have done it.

Marley, the canine waif from Afghanistan, whom WE helped save, has a Facebook page! Please drop by to see how happy he is today.

If you can, please do leave a comment. I am trying to answer all, and I am failing, but please know this - I read and treasure each one.

Below are my recent releases on Kindle -please excuse their presence in the body of the blog. I haven't the energy to get them up as 'buttons' in the sidebar. You can click on the covers to go to the Amazon links.


  1. "I don't know how to do this.... " You just being honest is "doing this" And brutal truth or not, that kind of honesty is hard come these days. Scared kids are kids without a great big Father... and it is quite obviously you know yours. ........plus, somehow I would imagine that after LIVING this death of yours, it is probably very difficult to NOT get flippant at the next "latest and greatest" malady. But yes, remembering this less enlightened state of those around you is probably a good thing. Helps you pray for us, I''m sure. Double dosing my prayers for Barbara. ... Sleep well, Andrew.

    1. Jane, thank you so much for the grace of this comment! You've brought light, and I am so grateful!

      Barbara sends her sincere thanks for the prayers.

  2. Andrew, I appreciate your hardass flippancy. I really do. Everyone processes things differently and I've had my own issues with people not understanding how I can be so...blase about some of my struggles. So I'm grateful to know someone like you who speaks my language. But you're right; it's a line to walk between the hardness and the allowing others to serve as they need to.

    1. Marie, I'm so grateful for your comment...and the fellow-feeling you engender. It's like a hug (well, I do fist-bumps better).

      This evening I'm at my worst, but am going about my duties singing Civil War songs. Barb thinks I'm quite mad.

      Next I'll move up to the Great War, with 'Pack Up Your Troubles'.

  3. Really got a useful blog to read today. Its very informative, keep posting more like this.
    Equity Tips

  4. Dear Andrew ... yet again you remind us of the power of a thoughtful response to another blogger's post.

    Praying even as we speak ...

    1. Linda, thank you so much, and especially for your prayers.

  5. I second what Jane wrote. Praying.

  6. Andrew, praying for you as you navigate your path with Barbara. You know how to do you in the journey, which can be hard for Barb. My only encouragement would be to not shut her out of all aspects of this journey. Sometimes, we women need to be needed. Even if it's just to get something from the fridge. You know?

    I'm praying for both of you as you grapple with this.

    1. jeanne, thank you so much for this perspective...it's needed, and something I often overlook.

      Your prayers are so appreciated!

  7. Just take her hand and let her know that all she could ever hope to do for you, she is by being by your side. A very hard path to wall, together I'm sure. Cling to one another, and remember you're not alone. Prayers for peace, love and comfort. God is still in control.

    1. Shanna, I will do this...thank you! We truly appreciate your thoughts and prayers...and God is in control.