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Thursday, October 4, 2018

Your Dying Spouse 524 - Listening To Myself {FMF}

Ommmm.....

I am mine own Guruuuu......

Ommmm......

Well, no, not really. But on reading Beth Vogt's blog In Others' Words on October 2, I was challenged by the subject...to whom are you listening? From whom are you learning?

Here's the comment I left:

"My favourite Blackwater poster carries this message:
“Sorry, I can’t hear you over the sound of how awesome I am.”

Seriously, though I’m not awesome, I AM in a place for which no road maps existed for me – terminal cancer, no insurance, and a physical support system that is by necessity sketchy at best. My wife has to make a living, and however horrid the day becomes, I have to meet my responsibilities for myself, and for the dogs.
No matter who made the mess (usually me, now), it has to be cleaned up.
I thereby have to listen – carefully – to myself, because my words can bring calm or storm, hope or despair. If I hear myself asking ‘Why me?’, I’ve got to jump all over that with a ‘Why NOT me?’
How I got here doesn’t matter. It’s what I do, RIGHT NOW, that makes a difference.
It’s up to me, and having responsibilities to others, I won’t let them down.
And I’ll listen to me, and won’t let me down, either."

This is NOT to say that others' views are not helpful; Kara Tibbetts' lovely Mundane Faithfulness blog (maintained and continued by her friends) is invaluable, and books like The Last Lecture and Why Bad Things Happen To Good People have given me both pause and perspective.

And I hope that this blog does the same for you.

But the internal structure, the framework for how we choose to live, we've got to develop that ourselves.

God gave us free will.

It's our choice how to use it.
Music from Sha Na Na, with the best cover of Blue Moon, bar none!



Please pardon my slow response to comments. I do my best, and your comments are really precious to me. Barb is answering many of them now. I'm running on fumes, if you don't mind a macho metaphor.

I'm grateful for the energy to have written this. I'm so glad Barbara's stepped in for many of my posts. I'm really not doing well at all.

Thanks to Carol Ashby, Blessed Are The Pure Of Heart is back on Kindle, and will be available in paperback soon.

Friends are everything. I couldn't have done it.

Marley, the canine waif from Afghanistan, whom WE helped save, has a Facebook page! Please drop by to see how happy he is today.



If you can, please do leave a comment. I am trying to answer all, and I am failing, but please know this - I read and treasure each one.

Below are my recent releases on Kindle -please excuse their presence in the body of the blog. I haven't the energy to get them up as 'buttons' in the sidebar. You can click on the covers to go to the Amazon links.







39 comments:

  1. It's amazing how many choices we make daily. And you've showed us how to make the right choices ... despite the circumstances.

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    1. Nomad, wow...your words really honour me, Thank you!

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  2. I really enjoy your blog, Andrew. I don't comment often, but I read and appreciate you sharing your life with us. It's so encouraging to see you fighting the good fight.

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    1. Maryann, thank you so much! It's always a pleasure, and an honour, to see you here. You've got one of the best blogs going, and you're an inspiration.

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  3. You and your blog are a gift. Mundane Faithfulness is such a great blog too. Karas words still bless so many.

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    1. Tara, thank you so much. I'm so glad they've kept Kara's words fresh!

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  4. I hate to contradict you, but you are awesome, like it or not.Your posts encourage me and make my problems seem tiny by comparison. I wish I had your holy guts. (not a pun.)

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    1. Jan, I'm so honoured, words fail me. Thank you.

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  5. ((((Andrew & Barbara))))
    Can't let a day go by without checking on you!

    Annie in Texas

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    1. ((((((Annie!))))))

      We sure appreciate it. It's been a very rough weekend, and a friendly face is a blessing.

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  6. Andrew, I am so glad you are still writing and sharing your heart with us. You are always such an inspiration!
    "How I got here doesn’t matter. It’s what I do, RIGHT NOW, that makes a difference." Wow, that is profound. We may not choose our circumstances but we sure can choose how we will face them and what we will do. Thank you for this reminder. Blessings and love to you and Barb!

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    1. Gayl, I'm just so glad to still be here...and that you find resonance in my words, I'm so honoured.

      Love and blessings back, from both of us.

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  7. Oh, and I forgot to mention that my husband and I used to watch Sha Na Na all the time! Love their music! :)

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    1. Gayl, Barb watched Sha Na Na when she was younger...she introduced me to them.

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  8. It IS what we do right now that matters most - because none of us is guaranteed tomorrow her on earth! Keep on keeping on Andrew!

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    1. Carol, thank you so much. I'll keep going.

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  9. You are leaving a huge blessing and legacy for those who will come behind you. You are such a strong and wise human. Hugs!

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    1. Barbie, I'm just so honoured, and overwhelmed by your words...hugs back!

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  10. "I thereby have to listen – carefully – to myself, because my words can bring calm or storm, hope or despair... and I'll listen to me, and won't let me let myself down either." Thanks for the reminder that I so needed today: that keeping promises I've made to myself makes a difference, too. If I believe that Jesus died for me (and I do) and that he doesn't let me down (and he doesn't) then I've got to believe that he cares that I'm nice and gracious and forgiving and just plain ol' kind to myself too - despite all my infinite weaknesses and failures. I am worth not letting myself down. Just needed to stop by to say hi and thank you, and sleep well, because "RIGHT NOW, that makes a difference" to me. Thank you for caring about us, Andrew.

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    1. Jane, thank you so much for this...one o the things that convinced me to become a Christian was that Jesus' caring about us, individually, meant that we should, too. Love thy neighbour AS thyself is the opposite of the self-abnegation found in so many other belief systems, and so counter-intuitive...that it could only ever be True.

      Praying for you, dear friend.

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  11. Please KEEP teaching us. Like for a lonnnnnng time. xo

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    1. Susan, a lonnnnnnnnng time sounds good. Today I am in horrific pain, and breathing takes both thought and work, but with God by my side, it's the best day of my life, and I mean that dead certain.

      XOXOXO

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  12. I'm so sorry to hear you are not doing well, but I'm thankful you take time to leave encouraging messages for all of us here. What we do today matters despite the challenges we face. God enables us to endure all for His glory.

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    1. Amber, you're so right! God does give us the strength to meet those things that come, terrifying, in the night.

      Thank you so much for being here!

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  13. My husband and I just received a (very probable) cancer diagnosis yesterday - details to come next week. In the meantime, I'm wondering how you first navigated your diagnosis. And I'd really like to hear from your wife and how she dealt with it. Thanks for your taking the time & energy to share your thoughts & heart with us. God's blessings on you & your family.

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    1. Pola, first and foremost, we're praying for you.

      We had it kind of easy; after a botched gallbladder operation, my pancreas was damaged, and cancer was inevitable as the damage resulted in an irritation that could not be ameliorated.

      It's been a very long fight; I was Olympic-fit when I got sick, and that's a long way to fall. Plus, I was well-trained in the mental techniques that really do work, to maintain high morale and stay alive.

      Barb had to take her cue from my 'active fatalism' ("Yes, it'll likely kill me but I'll fight to the death."). It's been hard for her, because one of my character traits is a dearth of either introspection or a sense of personal tragedy. people die; most o my best friends got killed in gunfights in foreign lands. Too bad.

      And this is unair to her, because the escription Randy Pausch gave in "The Last Lecture" of he and his wife holding one another and weeping - that could never happen here. I'd crack a bad joke, and in so doing both be myself and hurt my wife a bit more...a terrible conundrum. Being married to a former mercenary isn't for the faint of heart.

      So I'm maybe not the best example. But I am here, and if I can help I sure will.

      If you'd like to send me a friend request on Facebook (as Andrew Budek), I'd be glad to correspond.

      And to repeat, you are in our prayers.

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  14. This post really came home for me, Andrew. What a gift it is, to read your writing. I'm grateful for your sharings.

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    1. Jae, I am so honoured that you found something of value here, and your presence is a blessing.

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  15. You have the perfect excuse to let any and everybody down and no one would argue with you. but you don't. Your awesomeness speaks for itself. Blessings in the name of Jesus.

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    1. Vicki, thank you so much for this. Truly, truly, truly!

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  16. I appreciate you, Andrew (and Barb). Maybe it was an unintentional play on words, but the "give me pause" and the fact that The Last Lecture is by Randy PAUSch just worked for me! :-)

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    1. Paula, thank you for catching that word play! It as unintentional, but undoubtedly subconscious.

      And thank you for being here!

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  17. Andrew, as all of your readers and friends will agree, you are definitely awesome, especially in the way you live out your faith. I find myself slack-jawed with awe when I read the wise and wonderful insights you share here. Never consider yourself untrained, unqualified or inadequate in any way. God doesn't call the qualified, He qualifies the called. And He uses the weak (and foolish but you're not that!) things/people of this world to shame the (supposedly) wise. Keep on being lovely you, golden with heaven's light in what you say and write. Blessings and prayers. x

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    1. Joy, thank you so very, very much for this lovely affirmation. You've made our day.

      Thank you also for the prayer; love and blessings back! XOXO

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  18. You always declare such awesome truth here, Andrew, that I can't imagine these words not coming from an awesome person as well! I'm continuing to pray for you and know that this blog and the mission the Lord sets before you each day is one that keeps you alive and dispensing care for those who caretake. Thank you for your tireless efforts, for the sacrifices both you and Barbara must make to keep this blog going, and for being a friend to us all! You rock!

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    1. Beth, your words do me great honour! It's funny...the harder life gets, the more I enjoy and value it, and the more I see the purpose.

      We so appreciate the prayers!

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  19. Keep on keeping on! Hugs and peace to you, my friend.

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    1. Leigh, I sure will. Hugs and peace back! :)

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  20. I love your space, your thoughts and your wisdom (from experience!) so much! I may not always show up in a timely fashion, but whenever I do- your posts bring such light. There is so much truth here. We were given so much, by God, but it's on us... Hang in there, brother!

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