And things get worse...a LOT worse. New pain, new physical and mental insult (the kind that calls for Depends, and depend is the FMF word)...but the battle continues.
I have to confess that I have something of a secret weapon...someone whose example I have always admired, Lieutenant Onoda Hiroo (in Japanese, family names come first; Hiroo is his given name.)
The name may ring a bell. Onoda Hiroo was the last Japanese holdout of World War Two, surrendering only in early 1975.
Lt. Onoda commanded a 4-man intelligence unit on the island of lubang in the Philippines, and not believing the war was over, fought on. He didn't just hide; he fought.
For twenty-nine years. (You can read his story here; it's more vivid than Wikipedia, and the language used may be colourful, but I think you may agree it's appropriate.)
Lt. Onoda, was told by many, many people that his war was over, but he didn't believe them. So he fought on.
Why? There's only one word that fits. Honour.
An that's how I feel. I am told my war is done, that it's time to go into hospital and be drugged to end the pain, to give up on the dreams that have sustained me and the hopes that have pulled me forward. Like Lt. Onoda, I've been told that this is for the good of a wier world, one that does not want to see the fight grind on.
Better to be a holdout, and fight on.
And, if you want to know, this is how I fight:
- Prayer...I dedicate my battle to a greater glory, to the Empire...the Empire of God
- Maintenance of morale...I fill my head (lots of room in there, it's rather empty) with songs of victory, and I read the words that spur me forward
- Purpose...I support barbara in the best way I can, so she can work effectively at her job, I write (mainly just this blog, now), I take care of the dogs that have come to our sanctuary, and some days I feel good enough to get a little bit of work done upon my aeroplane.
- Exercise...mens san in corpore sano, they say. A healthy mind in a healthy body. There are severe limits...I can't run...but I can do endless pushups, and I have a chinning bar that is daily my beloved enemy. I'm dazed and bleeding and needing a change of laundry after each session, but it buys the right to stand int he flames again tomorrow.
- And last of all, ego and stubbornness. Giving in is for the weak, giving up is for losers, and I simply refuse to lose.
I ay be quite wrong. Like Lt. Onoda, I may be fighting a war long lost. But like him, I don't believe that, and I will not stop.
I you'd like to read Lt.Onoda's story in his own words, get a copy of No Surrender. It's a great and inspiring read. One to deserve a permanent place on the bedside table.
And yes, this is a post for Five Minute Friday.
Musical accompaniment is from Sugar Ray, with Someday.
I do ask that you be patient with my slow replies to your comments (which we treasure). I'm trying to stay caught up.
Still hoping to get the new and improved version of Blessed Are The Pure Of Heart up and running in the near future. Just haven't had the energy to do it yet...but if you would like to read it, please say so in your comment and I'd be glad to send you a PDF (which should fit your Kindle).
Marley update... been moved to a sanctuary, and Bay County will revise their 'dangerous dog' codes.
If you can, please do leave a comment. I am trying to answer all, and I am failing, but please know this - I read and treasure each one.
Below are my recent releases on Kindle -please excuse their presence in the body of the blog. I haven't the energy to get them up as 'buttons' in the sidebar. You can click on the covers to go to the Amazon links.