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Love and marriage are the greatest adventures in life, and they point they way to our relationship with the Almighty.

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Tuesday, September 26, 2017

Your Dying Spouse 367 - The Road Not Taken

If you came here from From Messes To Messages, I screwed up...the link was supposed to take you to a different post!

But if you'd care to read this too, I'd be honoured.

This will, unfortunately, be another short post. I don't like that; it seems to be getting to be a habit.

Well, whatever.

I have to confess that sometimes I do something really, really stupid. The illness and subsequent surgery (that went badly wrong) that precipitated this mess took place before I married barbara...in fact, while I was visiting her in Indiana while we were engaged (at the time I lived in Texas).

We were visiting a museum, and I collapsed. She took me to her hometown hospital, where the advice was to have my gallbladder taken out, immediately.

Unfortunately, my insurance said they wouldn't pay, that I had to be stabilized and flown home to see an in-state octor.

Barb wanted to fight it, but I demurred, and the rest is history. The surgery took place in Texas, was botched, which led to the scarring of the pancreas and the pancreatic duct, which led to chronic pancreatitis for several years...and thus, malignancy.

So I think back...what if?

What if I had heeded Barb's advice? What if that surgery would have gone well?

How would life have been different?

And what if I continued that stupid line of thought?

Yes, I should learn from it - always take Barbara's advice!

But wondering how life would have been different is a bootless exercise, an can only cause harm.

I am where I am. There's no reverse gear in life

For a musical change of pace, how about, straight from Ireland, The Corrs with Breathless?

I do ask that you be patient with my slow replies to your comments (which we treasure). I'm trying to stay caught up.

Still hoping to get the new and improved version of Blessed Are The Pure Of Heart up and running in the near future. Just haven't had the energy to do it yet...but if you would like to read it, please say so in your comment and I'd be glad to send you a PDF (which should fit your Kindle).

I have another blog, "Starting The Day With Grace". The focus is a grace quote from someone you might not expect (like, say Mick Jagger) and a short commentary. I hope you'll join me.

Marley update... been moved to a sanctuary, and Bay County will revise their 'dangerous dog' codes.


And marley has a Facebook page! Please drop by to see how happy he is today.

If you can, please do leave a comment. I am trying to answer all, and I am failing, but please know this - I read and treasure each one.

Below are my recent releases on Kindle -please excuse their presence in the body of the blog. I haven't the energy to get them up as 'buttons' in the sidebar. You can click on the covers to go to the Amazon links.


  1. mmm ... it's so easy to go down that 'what if?' road, isn't it. I've done that more times than I can count. But if it doesn't offer some kind of clarification or wisdom or healing, it seems to be a dead end.

    Kicking ourselves uses up an energy that's better invested in today.

  2. Oh yes, that game of "what if" is a recipe for feeling worse than you must already feel, Andrew. Certainly don't want to go down that road! But it's so easy to do when something as life-altering like what happened to you happens. In those kinds of situations, we all want to go back and fix whatever went wrong, but must leave it in God's hands. It's a helpless place, yet most empowered place because God is there. I hope you feel His presence and power even though you suffer. It seems like you do, but I'm sure you vacillate when the pain ratchets up. Trust that I am praying for you and Barbara both, my friend! And thanks again for this cautionary tale!

  3. I despise WHAT IF LANE, but I find myself there more oft than I care to be. xo

  4. Everyone has "If only"s and "What if?"s but all we can do is take what we have and try to make the best of it. You're better at doing that than anyone else I've ever known.

  5. And I have to say "ditto" to Janet's comment. Although I don't comment often, Andrew, and I do apologize for that, I read your posts and pray afresh for you and Barbara each week. I'm so grateful that despite your pain, you continue to share with us the lessons that life and illness are teaching you.
    Praying that God will bless you as you bless us with your stories...

  6. What if you took her advice but then were a stubborn kick in the pants for the rest of your life??
    Your suffering is inhumane right now, but the man you have become is God's glory, Andrew.
    I am reminded of Hezekiah in the Bible. He was so good and then as he was given a death message, begged to live longer. It did not end well and his son was the most evil king ever known.
    Your testimony has grown, Andrew. Don't feel as though you are less than, just because you are beyond incapacitated. You have become a vessel in the Potter's hands. Many of us are still just lumpy clay that needs lots of slapping and scraping to shape us. :)
    Regret not the love which once flickered, that now burns fierce. A steady beacon that beckons to others, the hope found for eternity is yours to share with the world.
    Bless you, dear Brother Andrew!!