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Thursday, September 21, 2017

Your Dying Spouse 365 - I Live The Impossible Dream {FMF}

Apparently Satan didn't like my Letter To Death, from last week, 'cos he's send a host of new afflictions, and vastly greater pain. The lymph nodes in my armpits, back, neck, and groin are involved. Breathing is like being stabbed, and using the lav is like...well, never mind. Don't try to picture it.

Unfortunately for him, though, the devil's pretty stupid, and he ended up bringing a knife to a gunfight.

I've seen pain, I've lived pain, and I have beaten pain. This is worse..sure, it's way worse...but it's just more of the same. A beasting that eventually numbs you, and when it does, watch out, because while the Lord claims vengeance as His own, I figure that sometimes he subcontracts.

And living well is truly the best revenge.

See, I love my life. Yes, it's a nastily painful and messy (see lav comment above) and screwed up life, but it's mine. And I get to dedicate it to whomever I so choose.

There are those who have counseled that I curse God and die. I'll listen to that advice...once. After that, it's a date with an oral surgeon and a diet of milkshakes for a few months. Got the memo, there?

To paraphrase Puddleglum the Marshwiggle (from C.S. Lewis' The SIlver Chair), I'm on God's side, even if I can;t see hide nor hair of Him.

(Does God have hide...or hair? On the latter, is He...way cool...a celestial Bruce Willis?)

I'm dedicating my fight to the good that He represents, even when He seems to have abandoned the whole thing.

Comfort be damned; I will embrace the pain and the humiliation and the despair, and I will turn it into my own body's burnt offering for a good that I refuse to disbelieve even when I can't see it.

You lose, Satan. Big time. Accept it. (The Five Minute Friday word is accept.)

God's got my back in eternity.

And I've got His back here.





I do ask that you be patient with my slow replies to your comments (which we treasure). I'm trying to stay caught up.

Still hoping to get the new and improved version of Blessed Are The Pure Of Heart up and running in the near future. Just haven't had the energy to do it yet...but if you would like to read it, please say so in your comment and I'd be glad to send you a PDF (which should fit your Kindle).




I have another blog, "Starting The Day With Grace". The focus is a grace quote from someone you might not expect (like, say Mick Jagger) and a short commentary. I hope you'll join me.



Marley update... been moved to a sanctuary, and Bay County will revise their 'dangerous dog' codes.

WE MADE A DIFFERENCE!

And marley has a Facebook page! Please drop by to see how happy he is today.


If you can, please do leave a comment. I am trying to answer all, and I am failing, but please know this - I read and treasure each one.

Below are my recent releases on Kindle -please excuse their presence in the body of the blog. I haven't the energy to get them up as 'buttons' in the sidebar. You can click on the covers to go to the Amazon links.







56 comments:

  1. "God's got my back." This is something that I need to remind myself of every time that life throws me a curveball. What if I rested in the fact that God has got my back? Nothing takes God by surprise, and I need to remember that. I am praying for you and Barb. -Jolene

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    1. Jolene, you are so right...resting in the knowledge of God having our back would really be a game-changer.

      Thank you so much for your prayers, and for being here.

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  2. As I've mentioned before, your experience is like a counterpoint to what I observed as my father-in-law went through his experience with cancer from Jan-July. Pain is so difficult for the non-patient to fully comprehend. I think it is a service in some way that you are so openly explaining yours to us. Sending love and light.

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    1. Paula, I am so honoured, beyond words, that having experienced what you did, you can consider what I do here a service. Truly, it's what I'm trying to do, but it's so hard to know sometimes if I'm doing it right.

      Love and light appreciated. Thank you1 :)

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  3. Oh Andrew! I saw the freeze frame and knew! Shane's favorite movie ever! The valiant Don whose craziness was more sane than those around him. And Shane's blog: http://tiltingatwindmills.space/

    I'm sorry for the pain you're enduring but you have won the battle! The victory is the Lord's! You and Barb are never far from my thoughts!

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    1. Christy, that is so cool! Man of La Mancha is one of my favourites as well.

      The battle is indeed won, my friend. My sin-debt's paid, and I'm good to go.

      Thanks so much for keeping us in your thoughts and prayers. Things are bad in the temporal sense; we do need that help.

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  4. God does indeed have your back. Go away Satan indeed! And brother, you still amaze me...offering yourself at the altar. That's Holy work. Love you! I'm in the 6 spot this week.

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    1. Tara, thank you so much...and indeed, Satan can go off and do...well, whatever, by himself. Avaunt, Satan, and quit my sight!

      Love back! And your post this week is terrific.

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  5. He does lose in the end - I treasure the day when finally he is vanquished. xo

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    1. Susan, I look forward to that day, too!

      XOXOWaggyWaggyWOOF!

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    1. Yes, Annette, He sure does...and isn't that a wonderful comfort? :)

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  7. Andrew, thank you for this post. As I watch my BIL struggle and fight to live, you have brought me comfort and encouragement this morning. Know that you are not writing in vain. God is using you and your words in ways that you are unaware and beyond your comprehension. Praying for you. Thank you, friend!

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    1. Joanne, thank you so much for this...it means so very much to know that my words have found some resonance. They are from the heart.

      Thank you so much for the prayers, and we are praying for you, your BIL, and your families.

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  8. Love this: "...but it's mine. And I get to dedicate it to whomever I so choose." Such a reminder that it is a choice!!!

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    1. Thank you so much, Annie...and isn't it wonderful that we do have that choice!

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  9. Today, I needed this reminder in the deep places of my soul: "And living well is truly the best revenge." Love your heart, Andrew. I'm always cheering you on, friend. Wrapping you in love and light.

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    1. Carolina, I am so gratified that my words touched you...yours so often find a resonance with me.

      Being wrapped in love and light feels good...thank you for that!

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  10. Wow. So profound and so full of faith. Truly admirable. Thank you for your shining example, Andrew!

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    1. Katha, I'm truly grateful for this...and do know that much of my heart has been grown through the wonderful people of FMF...including you.

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  11. "Comfort be damned; I will embrace the pain and the humiliation and the despair, and I will turn it into my own body's burnt offering for a good that I refuse to disbelieve even when I can't see it." Beautiful! Prayers continue for you and Barb, Andrew...

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    1. Susan, I'm deeply grateful for this grace-filled comment...and we truly appreciate your prayers.

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  12. I love your fight and your comment that "living well is truly the best revenge." Great song too!

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    1. Thanks so much, Lesley...and I'm delighted that you enjoyed the song. One of my favourites.

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  13. You are amazing! I'm proud to have you as a friend even though it's only through the internet.

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    1. Jan, my friend, there's no 'only'. You've held me up when I was too weak to go on.

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  14. So much this: "and I will turn it into my own body's burnt offering for a good that I refuse to disbelieve even when I can't see it.

    You lose, Satan. Big time. Accept it."

    YES AND AMEN, Brother! Agreeing with you --and speaking it out loud!

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    1. Karrilee, thank you! Let's shout it out together, for all the world to hear.

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  15. Thanks Andrew. We are all rooting for you in this fight.

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    1. Thank you so much, Jeannie. We truly appreciate you.

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  16. Just the song that popped into my head when I saw the title of your post!

    Thank you for your honesty and openness. Your perseverance continues to encourage me. Praying for you and Barbara!

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    1. Rachel, you encourage me right back. Your posts lift my heart.

      Thank you so much for the prayers! You will always be in ours.

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  17. Such courage... such bravery here. You put such powerful words to your pain.

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    1. Stephanie, thank you so much for this. I don't feel brave...really, I'm terrified, but with Christ, I can still step out.

      Thanks so much for being here.

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  18. You rock, Andrew! Yes, you on the Victor's side. Living well sure is the best revenge. May God bless you outrageously, brother!

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    1. mMri-Anna, I love this, thank you so much...and God has blessed me far past outrageously. And He does it every day.

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  19. Andrew, You have a choice, defeat or victory. Satan has no choice. He is defeated. It angers him to see you in victory. I pray for your days and your nights. In your times of speaking and times of silence. In times of company and your alone times. I pray God holds you up,holds you close and holds you tightly.

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    1. Mary, I love the way you put this, that Satan has no choice, and he's defeated and angry. Just perfect!

      Thank you so much for the prayers. God does hold me.

      BTW, for some reason I wasn't able to get to your post this week! I tried but got an 'access denied' message.

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    2. I don't know why. This is the second time I have heard this this week. Going to look into it.

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  20. you sound very victorious andrew. i'm glad for that. but i hate to hear that you seem to be dying by inches with a lot pain. as a nurse i hate that:( i wish i could do something to allieve your discomfort. i pray for you and barb often. i see my prayers are being answered in some ways for sure. blessings to you andrew during these dark days...and nights.

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    1. Martha, thank you so much for this...and you put it the way barbara does, that I am dying by inches...and she hates to see it, too.

      I truly appreciate your wish that the pain could be alleviated. I do, too! But if it's a necessary part of ministry, I accept it.

      We thank you for the prayers, rom the bottom of our hearts.

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  21. As I read your post, the chorus of the song "Victory in Jesus" began in my head...

    O victory in Jesus,
    My Savior, forever.
    He sought me and bought me
    With His redeeming blood;
    He loved me ere I knew Him
    And all my love is due Him,
    He plunged me to victory,
    Beneath the cleansing flood.

    That's what I get out of your post, Andrew... that He is plunging you to victory as a testimony to His Name.

    File that under "How To Fight With Satan And Win."

    Love and prayers from me and Jerry.

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    1. Diana, we LOVE this! Thank you so much!

      One thing I have learned, as you say, is that the only true victory is defined as testimony to His name.

      Love and prayers back to you guys. <3

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  22. Andrew if I wasn't in the library, I would stand up and cheer. I love how you live your life in every single moment. Always a hero and so above the garbage Satan throws your way.
    God bless you!

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    1. Kelly, no worries...I heard your cheer, and it lifted my heart more than you might imagine.

      Thank you so much for this lovely, grace-filled comment. I truly appreciate you.

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  23. Yep, Satan better watch out! Andrew Budek's coming for YOU!

    So glad you can find that kind of energy and motivation through the Lord to fight back Satan, even as you must fight for your life each moment of every day. I hate to hear that you continue to suffer, but know that I'm praying for you daily and thinking of you often, my friend! I hope that brings a bit of relief in the midst of your unrelenting pain.

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    1. Beth, it is a fight for life - and now, breath - every day, but it's worth it. More and more I see that I was made for this ministry, and I aim to embrace it, and the attendant pain, with both arms. God's trusted me with something, here. I won't let Him down.

      And yes, the knowledge that you are praying for me does help. More than you likely know; you've been the inspiration that helped me to develop that personal relationship with Christ, and I will never forget, nor cease to be grateful.

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  24. A life dedicated to God is always made beautiful in Him time. And it leaves a lasting legacy that God is the One to be followed. Carry on Andrew, you are nearing the end of your race, and shining ever brighter!

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    1. Carol, yes! That kind of life IS made beautiful, and that is exactly the right way to say it.

      I will carry on, Carol; your comment has lifted my heart.

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  25. Marie, I LOVE this! Reepicheep is my favourite character in the Narnia series. But you knew that, eh?

    Love back, Marie.

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  26. Another profoundly visceral and truth-filled post. Thank you for sharing what "the fellowship of Christ's suffering" means. Glory in Jesus, not the pain. May our Good God hold you close in these days of suffering. God bless.

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    1. Vicki, thank you so much for this lovely, gracious and grace-filled comment. I truly appreciate it, and your presence here.

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  27. Love this!! This is a great post.

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    1. Rachel, thank you so much! I am delighted and honoured that you stopped by, to keep me company for a bit on this journey.

      God bless!

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  28. "And living well is truly the best revenge."
    I've thought that one a few occasions when I had the desire for revenge and forgiveness hadn't set in. But in forgiving and living well, I'm victorious.

    Praying for you.

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    1. Cheryl, you are so right, that forgiveness is a vital part of living well, and a necessary component of victory.

      Thank you so much for the prayers!

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