She's needed a caregiver herself, and I'm the only one available. So I was going to promulgate a Patient's Bill Of Responsibilities, but the salient item is this:
Stay in as good shape as you can so that you can do as much for yourself as you can, every day.
The medical 'machine', from hospitals on down, tends to infantilize patients, particularly those who are very ill. The cliche'd "How are we feeling today?" is just the start.
Your doctor will 'order' your admission to the hospital, and will 'order' treatments and tests that may or may not be explained.
You're 'released from care'...sounds like being released from incarceration, eh? yes, you can walk out, but it does take some nerve.
All the way through you're encouraged to be docile, and to accept being 'handled'. (I was never very good at this. last time I was admitted I stayed in my street clothes, and eschewed bed for the lounge, dragging my IV tree behind me, and carrying my laptop. The nursing staff actually got a kick out of it.)
It's so easy to fall into the trap of accepting service when you don't need it...and if you do that too often, eventually you can't do as you once did. You don't use the physical and mental - and moral - muscles, and they wither.
To be able to help Barb when she's sick I have to push myself hard every day, harder than I want to, because to take care of her I will have to push through what I thought were limits.
So I guess part of the pain I experience is self-inflicted...tomorrow will hurt partially because I choose to hurt, to be able to continue playing my role as husband and help.
So here's the appropriate musical theme...yep, you guessed it.
I do ask that you be patient with my slow replies to your comments (which we treasure). I'm trying to stay caught up.
Still hoping to get the new and improved version of Blessed Are The Pure Of Heart up and running in the near future. Just haven't had the energy to do it yet...but if you would like to read it, please say so in your comment and I'd be glad to send you a PDF (which should fit your Kindle).
I have another blog, "Starting The Day With Grace". The focus is a grace quote from someone you might not expect (like, say Mick Jagger) and a short commentary. I hope you'll join me.
Marley update... been moved to a sanctuary, and Bay County will revise their 'dangerous dog' codes.
WE MADE A DIFFERENCE!
And marley has a Facebook page! Please drop by to see how happy he is today.
If you can, please do leave a comment. I am trying to answer all, and I am failing, but please know this - I read and treasure each one.
Below are my recent releases on Kindle -please excuse their presence in the body of the blog. I haven't the energy to get them up as 'buttons' in the sidebar. You can click on the covers to go to the Amazon links.
Those Beatles were sure young to be singing a song like that. I guess we all need help and I'll keep praying that you and Barbara get all the help you need.
ReplyDeleteJan, I never thought of that, but you're right! They are a bit young for the lyrics!
DeleteWe sure appreciate the prayers. Today, particularly, has been physically tough.
I will be praying for strength for you as you push yourself extra hard while Barb is sick. I do the same thing when Will is sick. It wears me out, but I want to relieve some of his burden if I can.
ReplyDeleteI hate wearing hospital gowns too! I only wear them if they absolutely make me.
Rachel, thank you so much for the prayers...and we will keeo you in ours.
DeleteYeah, hospital gowns are awful. I practiced 'The Look', so they'd just give up and let me keep my t-shirt and gym shorts. Ha!
Andrew, praying for you both that God gives you the grace you need one day at a time. I heard years ago that where Heb. 4 says that God gives us "mercy and grace in our time of need," might be better translated "just in the nick of time." May you have it just when you need it!
ReplyDeleteDonna, thank you for this! And yes, God does supply the mercy and grace rather like manna...just when it's needed...in the nick of time.
DeleteThank you so much for being here.
Stephanie, you said this perfectly...the mission indeed has been changed, and reduced. Power driven than empowerment...so true!
ReplyDeleteI consider myself blessed to still be able to help. Every day I can, it's something I appreciate the strength God still gives me.
Thanks so much for being here!
Andrew, keep holding on to your faith and willingness to give as well as receive. Praying Barb feels better soon, and you have the strength you need to care for her.
ReplyDeleteDebbie, thank you for this, and most especially for your prayers.
DeleteI'll keep holding on.
I love this, Andrew! May God continue to give you strength and peace and comfort. Prayers for Barb to feel better soon, too.
ReplyDeleteThank you, Gayl! God is with me, feeding me the strength I need, as I need it.
DeleteWe so appreciate the prayers!
Awww, Andrew. I'm so sorry Barb's been sick. That makes a difficult situation even harder. I'll be praying for strength for you and quick healing for Barb. Thank you for being such an amazing example of walking out the hard times with determination to do it well. Your example blesses me!
ReplyDeleteJeanne, I so appreciate this. It is hard on barb when she's sick. I have to keep her from trying to push past it.
DeleteYour words truly honour me, and your prayers are a blessing for us. Thank you!
I hope B is better by now and you survived the caretaker's role. In my dream last night you called me, your phone number had all these zeroes in it. But it was you. And you probably know why you called. Much love to both of you this early Wednesday morning, September 27th.
ReplyDeleteSusan, she is doing better...thank you so much for the prayers!
DeleteAnd as you now know, I was in the throes of a dreadful night, and called for help.
I'm still here, and determined, more than ever, to remain.
This explains a lot, Andrew! I guess it totally makes sense about you--being able to beat back death as a result. But I was wondering how you could get bitten by a snake (saw that somewhere--here or on FB). So it seems you push yourself into "places" that most people wouldn't have the strength to go. I'm certain that's why you are still with us! But it also seems a bit "crazy!" Yeah, I call it like I see it! Here's to hoping you give yourself a break at least to some degree today!
ReplyDeleteBeth, yeah, the snake...some of the dogs outside were barking, I went out to look, and got bushwhacked. I can tell you that if the snake returns he will get an unpleasant surprise.
DeleteI certainly am a bit crazy. No denying that. Everyone says so!
But I like to think it's all in a good cause.:)
I must tell you, Andrew... haha... that Jerry would say I'm not the least bit "docile" when it comes to anything health-related with either of us. I learned long ago that we have to be the ones to stand up for our own health care. I always insist on knowing what's what, why is, how does, who will...my family knows me as the medical diagnosis and treatment researcher. We (especially Jerry) have been the recipients of too many medical wrongs for me to just "sit back" and go along with whatever drs and staff say.
ReplyDeleteGeesh. Sorry for the rant. LOL.
Not knowing you in real life, but knowing you through your words, I believe you're stronger than anyone I know in the same situation. The difference between you and them is that you have God. It's sad to watch a person deal with facing the challenge of terminal illnesses without knowing God.
THAT is what makes you different. That is what makes it so you can help Barbara and also continue on.
Praying every day for you guys. Blessings and love from me and Jerry.
Oh, Diana, I can sure stand with you on this! In years past I had to fight for quality care for a family member - whom I did not particularly like - because the medical staff wanted to pigeonhole the situation.
DeleteI really appreciate your words; and fully agree that to be here, terminal, without knowing God would be awful, unthinkably bad.
You are Jerry are in our daily prayers, and we thank you for yours.