I don't do discouragement, but if I did, well.
Some kind of different plan would really be good right now. I can feel my mind darting, looking for avenues of escape...like trying to make deals with God:
God, if you heal me enough to go back to church, I promise I won't wear beach shorts there!
OK, maybe not that one.
Really, at this point it's more, "Please turn the avalanche aside...I don't want to face it."
But I guess I'm in good company. Jesus wanted out as well.
And God said no.
Is He saying No to me, too? Or does my assumption and acceptance of a No make it impossible for Him to eliver the healing He wants to give, as many pastors would say, or at least imply?
In other words, does this acceptance tie God's hands, as my de facto rejection of His Power?
Am I sabotaging my own healing?
It's not, I think, a vain question. After all...
And Jesus said unto them, Because of your unbelief: for verily I say unto you, If ye have faith as a grain of mustard seed, ye shall say unto this mountain, Remove hence to yonder place; and it shall remove; and nothing shall be impossible unto you. (Matt. 17:20)
Is my faith too small? In my acceptance of the dreadful, have I handed God a box of too-short drywall screws that simply can't hold the boards together? (Yes, I use drywall screws rather than wood screws.)
Bobby Schuller recently preached that we'd all prefer to have someone praying for us who would demand that God get the healing done, rather than a blandly pious, "Oh, Lord, we ask that our brother be healed, if it be Thy will..."
But I'm cut from the latter cloth; I hold with the understated request, and does this doom me?
It' an open quetion. I don't know the answer, but I do figure that God sometimes says No, and that it's not about our fervor, but about our trust.
But I may be wrong, and I would welcome y'all's cutting loose in the comments. Don't hold back.
I am really trying to figure this out, and I need your help. No kidding; I am hurting bad, and really need to try to understand this, even if the answer's what I don't want to hear.
He knew the fate that must befall,
yet He looked for an escape,
a chance to pass the bitter gall
that He'd been born to take.
In that place of olive-pressing
His blood was forced through skin,
in its scarlet, clear-expressing
the flames that roared within.
He asked with all His Holy Heart,
falling prostrate from the kneel;
rebuffed, He rose to play his part,
crushed the serpent with His heel.
Face your future, resolute,
and may unto you His Grace impute.
Music from Glen Campbell, with Rhinestone Cowboy.
Thanks to Carol Ashby, Blessed Are The Pure Of Heart is back on Kindle, and will be available in paperback soon.
Friends are everything. I couldn't have done it.
Below are my recent releases on Kindle -please excuse their presence in the body of the blog. I haven't the energy to get them up as 'buttons' in the sidebar. You can click on the covers to go to the Amazon links.