As for things in this part of the world, well, not so great. Pain's relentless, it's hard to keep food down, the tumours that I can see in the mirror are growing, and the one in my neck really hurts...I suppose that last one's poetic justice, for all the times I've been called a pain in the neck. And other places.
But I still hold on to hope, even though scant hope remains. 'Holding onto tomorrow' seems a bit shaky now, so I'll say I'm holding onto the next hour or so.
This does beg the question, though...why hold on at all? Having no medical help (even if insurance were affordable, the deductible isn't, and I won't saddle Barb with medical bills for palliative care), what's the point in fighting what I know is a losing battle, at a level of pain and fatigue that I am not ashamed to say are horrendous? (As in, movement frequently has me crying out, and that does not come easily from me.)
It's not like some extreme sports game show, where you get attantion and a ton of money for enduring weird challenges. The only prize here is doing it all again tomorrow, and knowing that tomorrow will be worse.
To what purpose?
Precisely. I believe that there is a purpose to this, that it is part of God's plan. I can't see it, and I don't know what part I may be playing, but I choose to believe that there IS a reason for the ordeal.
And I'll play my part. God will remember my name. (Name is the Five Minute Friday prompt this week.)
I don't know why it's happening, Lord,
could you tell me what I've done?
Why did You feel I could afford
this fate of dying young?
Was my sin so wholly egregious
that pain, unrelieved, is remedy?
Is my presence perhaps so tedious
that the world is best rid of me?
Or is it maybe something else,
Your Heart in hope enshrined
in the peal of Heaven's golden bells
to which I am deaf and blind?
Though it's behind a veil I can't see through,
I'll believe Your purpose, for I believe in You.
Here's Mr. Mister, with Kyrie Eleison
Thanks to Carol Ashby, Blessed Are The Pure Of Heart is back on Kindle, and will be available in paperback soon.
Friends are everything. I couldn't have done it.
Below are my recent releases on Kindle -please excuse their presence in the body of the blog. I haven't the energy to get them up as 'buttons' in the sidebar. You can click on the covers to go to the Amazon links.