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Monday, June 3, 2019

Your Dying Spouse 627 - The Ordeal Of Grace

There have been times, over the past few days, when my heart says, "I don't want to DO this any more."

I don't want the unending pain, and the eerie doomed feeling, and especially not to be a kind of muttering zombie when Barb gets home, incapable of any kind of meaningful conversation.

But there may be a kind of grace in this, that I do go on, and that the heart doesn't get the last word.

God does.

Don't want to be here, in this place,
but what I mean by this?
Do I abjure this harrowing grace
and demand, instead, bright bliss?
Upon this road I've learned by trial
and applied learning through ordeal.
My body breaks with every mile
that doth my mean soul heal.
Life is taken, cast away,
and still the heart goes on
through tomorrow's yesterday,
and to the sunset's dawn.
Perhaps the road to God's pure light
is rocky, and needs be trod by night.

And, since we're talking about hearts...well, for music, why not...

Thanks to Carol Ashby, Blessed Are The Pure Of Heart is back on Kindle, and will be available in paperback soon.

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  1. (((((Andrew)))))

    Perfect song!
    Songs mean so much. Can I confess that I do not like contemporary praise music in church ("7/11 music - same seven words sung eleven times"). I want the traditional hymns with rhyming stanzas and four voice parts. I want the organ and orchestra and a robed choir instead of drums and guitars and musicians dressed for the beach. And if they serve up praise music instead of hymns for our "blended" music, guess what? I don't listen to the sermon! So there! :)
    Again, perfect song choice.

    Annie in Texas

    1. I'm with you, Annie... I have tried for a while (six years now) to "put up with" the contemporary praise music/ excessively loud guitars/drums/smutty clothing... and I just can't do it anymore. They do that stuff to draw in the younger crowds, but then they don't feed the rest of the sheep (us older folks/me and hubby). We have ended up either going late to avoid the music, or we stay home and watch the sermon online. Even our kids, who are in their late 30s/early 40s, are tired of the stuff. Just thought I'd let you know hubby and I agree. Blessings to you, Annie. ♥

    2. Annie and Diana, I am SO with you on this! I like some Christian contemporary but really can't stand most of the new praise music. The old hyns are best, sung with dignity and grace.

  2. Andrew, I can't even imagine what your body and mind must be going through every minute of every hour of every day... but I do know the reason you ARE here is because you are a witness to God's own grace. If not for God, what then? Even with what I go through caregiving for Jerry (which is nowhere near what you and Barb are going through), I can't imagine doing it without our whole world revolving around God and His grace. Our prayers and blessings as always for you guys!

    1. Diana, this is perfect..."If not for God, what then?"

      What, indeed? But the worse things get (and it's way worse than even a few days ago...last month was 'the good old days') the closer God is, and the happier I am, even when I'm a muttering zombie.

      A HAPPY muttering zombie!

      Thank you so much, and blessings and prayers back, for you and Jerry.

  3. Thank you for sharing your poetry that is so beautiful and full of deep-heart messages. You and your wife are in my prayers tonight.

    1. Bettie, thank you so much for this lovely affirmation, for your prayers, and for being here.

      Know you remain in our prayers as well.

  4. Andrew, such poignant words. It is true that pain and suffering soften a hardened soul, a harsh spirit. Or else, it embitters a spirit. I've been blessed by reading your journey and how your soul has been softened and opened to God's love, grace, and mercy. Your words reflect His presence, and I imagine, when you take that final journey and meet our Father face-to-face, you will hear, "Well done, good and faithful servant."

    Praying for you and Barb, my friend.

    1. Jeanne, thank you so much for this. You've brought light to an exceedingly hard day. And we thank you so very much for the prayers.

      I think it may be a tossup on what God says..."Well done..." would be great, but it COULD be, "DUDE! Beer?"

  5. Such beautiful words... I loved Diana's comment (as well as your response) and realize I have nothing valuable to offer... Just letting you know I've had you on my heart.

    1. Misty, what you just said, and just being here...those are the best things.

      Thank you!