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Wednesday, June 26, 2019

Your Dying Spouse 637 - Bucket List Temptation

Last weekend I watched the last two rounds of the US Open golf championship, perhaps the premier tournament in the world, played at what is certainly one of the world's best golf courses...Pebble Beach Golf Links, in Carmel, California.

I've played there. It's every bit as wonderful an experience as it's made out to be.

And so, I thought...bucket list. I'd like to go and play there one more time.

I mentioned it to Barb, and she said that if it's really what's needed, she's make it happen. Somehow. Bless her!

But on thinking it through (I know, I don't often do that), I realized a few things.

  1. I'm not well enough to get to the airport, much less fly to California and play golf. I'd come home a wreck, and more of a burden.
  2. It's financially impossible, and irresponsible. I mean, over $500 for four hours of golf (plus airfare)? No.
  3. Most important, it would be time out of a life I love. The routine is grace; Barb, the dogs, the rythms of sky and wind and clouds on this desert mesa...no 'peak experience' is worth trading a minute of that, much less a day or more. There is so little time left, and I am very, very greedy to live it here.
  4. Perhaps worst, it would be a 'goodbye to life admission', which would interfere with the need to keep going, to keep supporting Barb and the dogs, for as long as I possibly can. There's an aura of selfishness about that, and it's intolerable.
There is, however, a compromise...Belen has a public golf course, and a couple of ponds that could stand in for the Pacific Ocean. Squint a bit and you're at Pebble.

Maybe I'll have an OK day...some day, one of these days?

Just have to arrange for Barb to have a day off, so she can come...and, of course, all the dogs.

Might need a couple of motorized carts, but what would life be without a cheering section?

I've made friends with the life I have
and do not want another road;
there's here the scope to love and laugh
while carrying cancer's heavy load.
Exotic places beckon, still,
calling "While you can, come see!"
I turn from their brilliance with a will,
because such is not for me.
I'm jealous now of quiet delight
and each minute's for the choosing.
Heed siren-call and board a flight,
not winning, then, but losing.
Days dwindle to a precious few;
dear life, I shall take them with you.

Music from John Denver, with Looking For Space.

For anyone who's still here and wants to know, things are worse, and it feels relly evil.

Thanks to Carol Ashby, Blessed Are The Pure Of Heart is back on Kindle, and will be available in paperback soon.

Friends are everything. I couldn't have done it.

Marley, the canine waif from Afghanistan, whom WE helped save, has a Facebook page! Please drop by to see how happy he is today.

Below are my recent releases on Kindle -please excuse their presence in the body of the blog. I haven't the energy to get them up as 'buttons' in the sidebar. You can click on the covers to go to the Amazon links.


  1. Another good choice, a beautiful poem, a Godly joy... you are on the right path, Andrew, and a blessing to all of us. We will gather by the river that runs by the throne of God. Pebble Beach is way over-rated (easy for me to say, since I don’t play golf, but I gave up tennis twenty years ago, kept falling down.) At age 72, I am seeing the days diminish too.

    1. Christine, thank you so much for the kind affirmation...and you're right, compared to that river be which we shall gather, Pebble Beach is a pale shadow.

      I used to play tennis as well, An injury ended that...yes, one caused by a fall.

  2. (((((Andrew)))))

    Annie in Texas

    1. ((((((Annie!))))))

      We're so glad to see you here!

  3. I'd love to see your dogs drive a motorized cart. ;-)

    1. Jan, there are several who are smart enough, and would be better drivers than I.

  4. Andrew, I love the poem and your willingness to be content "where you're at". We each only have one day at a time as a gift from God. You are showing us your gratitude to Him as you savor your time with Barb and the doggies and your beautiful New Mexico. He knows the number of your earthly days; thank you for sharing your journey. Praying for pain relief, grace & peace.

    �� Kathryn in SC

    1. Kathryn, thank you so much for this...your words move me, and sustain me, beyond what I can describe.

      And thank you so much for the prayers. Pain is bad, but grace abounds.

  5. That sounds like a perfect day. I hope you get out and enjoy.

    1. Shelli, thank you...I just need a few good hours, and it'll be a day for the scrapbooks, to live over again whenever we choose!

      Thank you so much for being here!

  6. I would love to hear that you got to do all you ever want and are all you ever wanted to be. If you do, take pictures and send them. Blessings and continued prayers!

    1. Mary, thank you for this lovely afirmation of hope...and yes, if anything cool happens, there will be pictures.

      Prayers are truly appreciated.