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Thursday, January 3, 2019

Your Dying Spouse 563 - Night Thoughts

I'm never going to feel well again. The tumours in my pancreas and lungs and bones are not likely to go away.

That thought struck me last night, kind of like a falling tree.

It's not that I didn't know it already, both consciously and subconsciously, but it was the first time it had come to me in words.

My immediate reaction was...


I mean, so what? For most of my life, I felt pretty good, aside from the aches and pains that came with a violently physical career.

And I didn't appreciate it. It was normal, and who pays attention to the normal?

Now it's different. Feeling good is no longer a happy accident of nature. It's the result of effort, the physical effort to accomplish something that needs to be done and feels like it's just too much, or the mental and spiritual mastery of hope above hopelessness, a battle that has to me fought ever hour of every day.

And it's not something I do alone.

It is well with my soul is not a passive acceptance.

It's God reaching down to me, and me reaching up to Him.

I may not be well, ever again, but I'm feelin/...

Aw, you know the rest, and here's the song...

Thanks to Carol Ashby, Blessed Are The Pure Of Heart is back on Kindle, and will be available in paperback soon.

Friends are everything. I couldn't have done it.

Marley, the canine waif from Afghanistan, whom WE helped save, has a Facebook page! Please drop by to see how happy he is today.

Below are my recent releases on Kindle -please excuse their presence in the body of the blog. I haven't the energy to get them up as 'buttons' in the sidebar. You can click on the covers to go to the Amazon links.


  1. I am so grateful for the perspective you give me, when I read your words... All truth and sometimes your words sink in like a warm feeling of my soul saying "you know this, dear girl", but grateful I am- never the less.

    1. Misty, I'm so glad these words resonate with you...and thank you so much for this lovely comment. You made my day!

  2. Thanks for reminding me to appreciate what I have instead of focusing on what I wish I had.

    1. Jan. it's a hard discipline. I work on it every day.

  3. "... I didn't appreciate it. It was normal, and who pays attention to the normal?" Oh, YES! Normal is the way it's supposed to be, right? But then again, what constitutes as normal? My way is normal. Comfort and ease is normal. But God doesn't show us His majestic Grace in normalcy because we are too deaf and blind to recognize it. We would never see the depths of God's Grace in the normal. Blessings to you and your dear wife.

    1. Vicki, thank you for this...you contrasted our normal and God's perfectly!

      Blessings back!

  4. Andrew, another song is "It is well with my soul", but groovy works very well too. Praying, praying praying! Normal does change sometimes. You are right where God wants you. His normal!

    1. Mary, I think I dated myself with 'groovy', but I can dig "It Is Well With My Soul", too.

      Oh, dear. Groovy and Dig It in one sentence! Far out.

      Thanks so much or being here!

  5. Praying in Texas!

    1. ((((((Annie!))))))

      Many thanks for the prayers, and we are praying for you and your grandma.

  6. It's late now. The weather's been blustery and cold. I feel like talking to someone so you get to be the lucky one. ! I I'm saddened I lost an old friend today, a chum from my youth. Her husband posted it on FB. I feel sad. When we were kids, she was such a good friend. She befriended me at an awkward time in my life, I was the new kid at the school where friendships were already established. I've always been grateful. I last saw her when we graduated high school. I found her on fb last fall. I'm no stranger to regret, and that's where my thoughts are taking me. I never expressed my appreciation to her. Life is hard. God knows what He is doing and I do not. Thanks for listening. I hope tonight isn't too horrific for you. Take care.

    1. My dear Norma, I'm so sorry for your loss. Life is indeed hard, but don't beat yourself up, please, with regret.

      God does know; He saves the broken pieces of our lives, and in His Presence we'll find out that some of the most gruesome days were steeped in glory.

      God bless you, dear friend.

  7. Oh my gosh, Andrew! I haven't heard that song or phrase for decades! You are showing your age, my friend! Lol! But that's always a good thing, because it means you have continued to persevere in fighting back death. And I'm glad to know you feel grateful for the time you've had and health you've enjoyed--except for these last years of agony. I do hope you feel some sense of satisfaction and joy in every post you publish and every heart you touch, my friend!

    1. Beth, I'm Forever Young! And Groovin'. Dig it?

      I'm actually grateful for the years of pain, and the agony, because they've opened my heart in a way that could not have been otherwise achieved.

      It's like running a marathon; the only way to get to mile 26 is by accepting that the whole thing is going to hurt.

      And there is glory at the finish line. That's not why we do it, but it's there nonetheless.

      Thank you so much for being here today, my friend!

  8. Replies
    1. Anita, thank you so much! Need the prayers; just slipped on an icy porch step and cracked my pelvis.

      I mean, really?