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Thursday, June 21, 2018

Your Dying Spouse 488 - Arrow To The Future {FMF}

I'm ready to go.

I'm ready to die.

My body's breaking up fast now, new pain, and worse. And I'm so very, very tired.

It's in the bones and the lymph nodes and the lungs now. Oh, darn.

And from a truly dreadful pain event last weekend, my head's been recalibrated; I'm not really myself at the moment. Trying to navigate a life that's only half-remembered on the other side of Hell, that's hard.

However.

I still have a hand-hold in tomorrow, and I intend to use that to pull myself forward.

There is Barbara, whom I can support in her diligent, dedicated work. I don't understand much of what she does (she's an accountant, for Pete's sake, and who understands that?), but she deals with people, and people I sort of understand. I can offer prayers and find Scripture that bolster her compassion and professionalism in bringing out their best. She's a supervisor, with the emphasis on Super.

There are the dogs, who have carried me so far, and whom I can support in love.

There are friends whom I can encourage, like Jeanne Takenaka, who writes a terrifically inspiring blog, and whose fiction will one day leave a bright meteor-trail in the Kingdom of God on Earth.

And Carol Ashby, whose historical Roman fiction, the Light In The Empire series, brings the Light of God's Love to illuminate dark old days.

Being ready to die doesn't mean giving up.

It means that I'm finally ready to live.

Music from Switchfoot, with Who We Are.


Please pardon my slow response to comments. I do my best, and your comments are really precious to me. Barb is answering many of them now. I'm running on fumes, if you don't mind a macho metaphor.

I'm grateful for the energy to have written this. I'm so glad Barbara's stepped in for many of my posts. I'm really not doing well at all.

Thanks to Carol Ashby, Blessed Are The Pure Of Heart is back on Kindle, and will be available in paperback soon.

Friends are everything. I couldn't have done it.

Marley update... been moved to a sanctuary, and Bay County will revise their 'dangerous dog' codes.



WE MADE A DIFFERENCE!

And marley has a Facebook page! Please drop by to see how happy he is today.


If you can, please do leave a comment. I am trying to answer all, and I am failing, but please know this - I read and treasure each one.

Below are my recent releases on Kindle -please excuse their presence in the body of the blog. I haven't the energy to get them up as 'buttons' in the sidebar. You can click on the covers to go to the Amazon links.







47 comments:

  1. praying right this very minute, man ...

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  2. Awww, Andrew. I'm sorry the pain is so severe. And the weariness is draining. I am truly grateful for the gift of your friendship. For your encouraging words. For all that you add to my life through your words.

    Know that I am praying for you and Barb often through the day and night. And if I could be there to help, to take Barb to lunch, to clean, I would be.

    Thank you for your mention. You truly bless me, friend.

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    1. And PS—I love your closing. Getting ready to die is different from giving up. I love the perspective of getting ready to live. I suspect we have no idea of how alive we will be on the other side of the veil.
      Hugs, friend!

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    2. Jeanne, thank you so much for this, and most especially for your prayers.

      Your writing and friendship have inspired me in more ways than I can say.

      (And please excuse the late reply!)

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  3. I love this, Andrew - "It means that I'm finally ready to live." No, you are not giving up, you are about to really live! Oh, and I love Switchfoot! Thanks for making the effort to write and encourage us once more! Love and hugs and blessings to you and Barb! Praying now.

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    1. Gayl, thank you so much for this (and please excuse my tardy response). So glad e share a liking for Switchfoot!

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  4. Certainly it means ready to live ...for we who know Christ have amazing living ahead of us . <3

    Was reading my Bible this morning and thought of you and wanted to send:
    Psalm 9:9-10 "The Lord is a refugee for the oppressed, a refugee in times of trouble. Those who know Your name trust in You because You have not abandoned those who seek You, Yahweh."

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    1. I see you only as 'Anonymous'; I wish I knew your name, that I might thank you for this gracious comment, and the gift of this Psalm. And please pardon my delay in replying!

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  5. Andrew, I have been thinking of you and Barb so often and praying for you. Your strength and heart shine through your words and they will live on. I was so glad to be your FMF neighbour today.

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    1. Jo, please excuse my late reply...and please accept our deep thanks for your lovely, kind words, and most especially your prayers.

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  6. Andrew, praying for a peaceful journey home, when you are ready of course and not a minute sooner. ;-)
    In all seriousness though, your continued quest to live rather than simply exist is inspiring to me. You remind me that there is a life much more real than this one ahead for you, for me too. Traveling mercies.

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    1. Bethany, I love that! Not a minute sooner than when I'm ready! Thank you so much for this smile (and please excuse my late reply).

      I so appreciate your words...and I love the expression, 'traveling mercies'!

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    1. Susan, thank you! {{{XOXOXOWaggyWaggyWOOF!}}}

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  8. Whenever your new journey to your new home begins, just know that all of us here are constantly lifting you high to the Lord. And just as important, we will be keeping Barbara and the dogs in prayer as they begin a different walk with God. Your life has been a huge inspiration to so many... most assuredly a testimony to the Lord! Great is His Name above all others! Prayers, prayers, and more prayers! Peace and love to all of you! ♥

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    1. Diana, those prayers are so important...and the ones for 'after I leave' are far more comforting than you may know.

      We're so grateful (and please excuse my late reply).

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  9. Tears... Tears. So many tears. Your words resonate universally, even if a reader may not know what this path which you travel, feels like. Have peace, longing and tired ever been a package deal, to such an extreme? Your words bring me to a place that seems beyond my ability to describe. I am so achingly sad for your path, and that you travel it, but also so (beyond words) grateful that you share it transparently...

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    1. Misty, gosh...I am so grateful for this lovely, grace-filled comment (and sorry that it took me so long to respond). It's an honour to share this road; and the road is the reward.

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  10. As you know, I pray for you every day. As the old hymn says, "When we all get to Heaven, what a day of rejoicing that will be!" And eternity isn't just time that goes on and on and on and never stops. It's completely outside of time and space. In the beginning God created time, but he isn't limited by it. We'll all see each other there. In the meantime I'll keep on praying for you, and for Barbara.

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    1. Jan, thank you so much for this (and most especially for your prayers)...and please pardon my delay in replying.

      I think you're right about eternity - to me, an analogue is the 'myriad worlds' that gleam iridescently in the dew-filled grass at dawn. Something so far out of time as to create its own meaning?

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  11. Continuing to pray for you and Barb.

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    1. Debbie, we so appreciate your prayers...and are sorry for the tardiness of our reply.

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  12. Andrew,you may be dying, but you are one alive person! More than many I know! God bless you and Barbara! Hey I wrote a poem on fmf. #8

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    1. Mary, thank you so much...and please pardon my late reply. Hard days.

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  13. You have validated your friends through your words of encouragement. You are an example to me of courage and resolve. It is also a joy to me to watch you awaken to the brighter love found in our Lord. I'm just sorry it's been so difficult and pain-filled, and that you will leave before you were ready. Knowing you has changed me in subtle and mind-expanding ways. What I'm also saying is that God has used you to help me understand in new ways a broader degree of truth. I won't spell it out, but I am grateful for having known you via your online presence and communications. Thank you, friend.

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    1. My dear Norma! You won't know until we meet in the green fields of Heaven what inspiration you have been to me, and how my faith, sometimes so fragile, has found the space and peace to grow in the shadow of your profound love for the Lord.

      Thank YOU! (And please pardon my delay in replying, the days have been a bit hard.)

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  14. Your life's journey is just beginning! You have traveled through life on this earth and are now ready to make that final journey to begin your new life above...not giving up by any means! And, we will all be shouting for Joy knowing you are still our encourager, but from a much different place. When you are ready, when Barb and the dogs are ready to let you go from your pain, when HE is ready for you to join Him in your heavenly home...that is when the time will be right for you! Love your strength and courage; love that you have always put others before yourself! Still prayers and hugs and many many thoughts...thank you for all you have done for us, your friends and fellow bloggers...

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    1. Barbara, I LOVE LOVE LOVE this message of hope and faith that you've given us! Thank you so much...and it has been an honour that has made all the pain worthwhile.

      I'd do it again.

      Though I would try to answer comments more quickly...sorry!

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  15. Always wonderful to read your words, Andrew, and to know you are still fighting the good fight. God bless.

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    1. Jeannie, thank you so much...and please excuse my tardy reply.

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  16. You are an inspiration, Andrew. What a glorious new life it will be for you! Praying for you and lifting you up. May God's comforting presence surround you now and always!

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    1. Mari-Anna, thank you so much for this (and please excuse my late reply).

      God's presence is all around me, in the gracious words of His faithful. People like you.

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  17. Hugs, blessings and prayers to you. CS Lewis once wrote, 'Surely Lazarus got the rawer deal."

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    1. Leigh, I love the C.S.Lewis quote...but not as much as the hugs, blessing, and prayers. Those are needed more than I can say. (And please pardon my late reply.)

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  18. Aww, Andrew. I am so sorry. Holding you up to our good, good Father in prayer.

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    1. Anita, thank you so much...the prayers are SO appreciated...and needed. And please excuse my tardy reply?

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  19. Praying for you both this morning. I am so sorry for all your pain. You are such an inspiration to many, me included. These words are so true >>> "Being ready to die doesn't mean giving up.It means that I'm finally ready to live." May God continue to give you both strength! Blessings!

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    1. Joanne, thank you so much for this; kind words like this keep my head up, and keep me going. (And please excuse my delay in replying.)

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  20. Praying for you, Andrew! It's so true that being ready to die isn't giving up- it's moving into the new life God has for you. Thank you as always for your inspiring words.

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    1. Lesley, thank you so much for your gracious words, and for your prayers. They mean the world to me, literally. (And please pardon my tardy response.)

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  21. In a sense, I think we should all be ready to die. Not that we want to die, but we can rest in knowing our final destination — God's plan for our world. That said, each minute here can be a genuine blessing. Praying for you.

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    1. J, you're so right. Being ready to die is, I think, a vital act of faith. And that readiness makes each moment here precious. (And please excuse my delay in replying.)

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  22. My prayers are with you as you walk this journey.

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    1. Sharon, thank you so much for your prayers; it's the power of my friends' prayers that keeps me going. (And please excuse the lateness of my reply.)

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  23. I'm not ready for you to go. I'm continually praying for a miracle in your life.

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    1. Shelli, dear friends like you ARE the miracle, and the reason I don't intend to be going any time soon.

      You give me something for which to live.

      (And please excuse my slow response, these have been hard days.)

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