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Thursday, June 7, 2018

Your Dying Spouse 482 - I'll Cry Tomorrow {FMF}

Well, it happened again, another near-death event. Yesterday (Wednesday, June 6, 2018).

It was just so awful; I could feel - and hear - heart and breath come to a stop. (Want to know how it sounds? A groan, like a rusty gate slamming shut for the last time. I don't want to hear that ever again.)

And it hurt, worse than anything I have ever known. IT HURT.

I was standing in the living room, and pitched backwards onto a settee. Completely paralyzed, and just a passenger, waiting.

The service dogs - Sylvia, Ladron, and Strawberry, all girls - leapt into action. Syl jumped up and down on my chest, and as light and hearing faded she was roaring into my face.

And Lardon and Strawberry...well.

How do I describe this? The front door opened, and Jesus - not looking anything like He's even been painted - walked in, utterly recognizable, surrounded by bright-glowing coloured fog and sparkly sparkle-things. He extended His Hand to me.

I couldn't reach back, or, for that matter, resist.

And then Ladron and Strawberry stopped Him. Jumping and snapping - I suspect He was bitten - they held Him back.

Not our Dad. Not today. NO!

He tried to reach around, and past, and then just kind of waved (Later!), turned, and went out. The door closed behind Him without His touching it. A few sparklies hung in the air, bright as the sun.

And I took a ragged, painful breath. It hurt worse than anything so far.

It was hours before I could move, and I was shaky and vague through the evening. When Barb got home she was surprised I was on my feet at all. Nearly wasn't, but each step I could take was a needed step beck into life.

Today was a day to take it easy...but that's really not my style. I didn't do the normal workout of pushups and chinups and weights and other stuff. I did more.

When you're hit, you have to take the punch, and then come off the mat and deliver a left straight hard enough to flatten Cleveland.

It hurt, doing that...my God, did it hurt, and it still does.

I'll cry tomorrow.

Because I will be here tomorrow.

And the sparklies still hang in the air.


Please pardon my slow response to comments. I do my best, and your comments are really precious to me. Barb is answering many of them now. I'm running on fumes, if you don't mind a macho metaphor.

I'm grateful for the energy to have written this. I'm so glad Barbara's stepped in for many of my posts. I'm really not doing well at all.

Thanks to Carol Ashby, Blessed Are The Pure Of Heart is back on Kindle, and will be available in paperback soon.

Friends are everything. I couldn't have done it.

Marley update... been moved to a sanctuary, and Bay County will revise their 'dangerous dog' codes.


WE MADE A DIFFERENCE!

And marley has a Facebook page! Please drop by to see how happy he is today.


If you can, please do leave a comment. I am trying to answer all, and I am failing, but please know this - I read and treasure each one.

Below are my recent releases on Kindle -please excuse their presence in the body of the blog. I haven't the energy to get them up as 'buttons' in the sidebar. You can click on the covers to go to the Amazon links.







57 comments:

  1. Oh, Andrew, I'm sorry you have to endure such pain, but you bring so much encouragement every time you write. Oh, and I absolutely love the song and the Rocky movies! Blessings and love!

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    1. Gayl, we thank you so much! Blessings and love back!

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  2. "I'll cry tomorrow.
    Because I will be here tomorrow."
    This is so moving to me and an important reminder to all of us.

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    1. Bethany, thank you so much for this, and for being here with us. We appreciate you.

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  3. OMGoodness, Andrew! I cannot imagine! Your telling of this experience...so beautiful...I want to reach out to that out stretched hand; yet, you resisted. You are so brave and hanging on to what you have and we...I...complain about the good life that I have!!! Thank you for inspiring us; for showing us the truth of life and living and sharing what we can to those around us.

    Continually, I think of you and Barb and those beautiful three pets that so love their dad!! And don't want to let anyone take him away!! HUGS and PRAYERS as always!!

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    1. Barbara, part of my 'secret' if there i one...is that I have a good life, too! Pain is just a part of it. Grace fills everything else.

      We so appreciate the hugs and prayers!

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  4. Oh Andrew, my heart hurts that you are in such pain. Praying continually!

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    1. Thank you so much, Tara, for the prayers...and I do still walk in beauty. The pain will pass; the beauty ill remain.

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  5. Andrew, you have such a way with words! I'm sorry you had to experience what you did, but also glad you were able to share it with all of us. Prayers for you and Barb.
    May God bless you and keep you through the coming week.

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    1. Karen, thank you so much for these kind words...and we so appreciate your presence and your prayers.

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  6. Andrew, I am so sorry you have to endure so much pain. But I am grateful for each reminder you bring our way ... "I'll cry tomorrow.Because I will be here tomorrow." Praying for you & Barbara this morning.

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    1. Joanne, thank you for this, and most especially for your prayers. We truly feel and treasure them, and your friendship.

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  7. smiling at the thought of your dogs biting back the hand of Jesus. praying those sparklies stay around to strengthen all of you.

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    1. Jennifer, the sparklies are still here. They look a bit like dewdrops catching the morning light, you kno? All the bright colours, and they shimmer and float on the air.

      Strawberry is still a (very large) pup (Bullmastiff), and she chases them. I hope they stay.

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  8. Sweet Jesus. And you did not FLY away (FMF word prompt)... No words, A and B...just a lot of prayers and love. xo

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    1. Susan, no, I didn't fly away...and even though pain is far worse 'after', I'm glad I'm here, for the love of everyone and everything. Pain is only a part of life. The rest is glorious.

      Many thanks for prayer, and {{{XOXOXOWaggyWaggyWOOF!}}}

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  9. My son-in-love, says Kimberly was restless as she slept. And then, typically, she started to argue, "No! I can't! Not now!" But she stopped arguing and passed away. I believe Jesus took her hand and calmed her as He brought her home. Although life here will never be the same again, I rejoice that she is at peace with our Savior.

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    1. Debbie, may I rejoice with you? Thank you so much for sharing this.

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  10. Paul was in that dilemma. To die is gain, but to live is necessary. Oh Andrew, how I want to hear you are out of this agony, but then I would not have these encouraging words before me! You help me hold off my own tears. Oh how Jesus loves those dogs! And lets them love you to life!

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    1. Mary, I can't tell you how important your words are to me, right now. They make this all so much more than worthwhile!

      And that image...the dogs loving me to life...that's exactly right.

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  11. Wow... You captivated me to the point that I held my breath... Agonizing journey that I, merely a reader, cannot comprehend...

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    1. Misty, thank you for this...and for being here. And I sincerely hope you never have to go down this kind of road, but if you do...there is Grace, and the darkest nights contain the brightest stars.

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  12. I'm very intrigued by the sparklies (hope Jesus isn't offended)! Thank you for sharing all of this. Sending love and prayers.

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    1. Paula, the sparklies were so totally unexpected...and there are some still around, wafting on the air.

      Thanks so much for being here, and especially for love and prayers.

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  13. I'm sorry you're in such pain but thank you for sharing your experience, and for the way you continue to inspire us all!

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    1. Lesley, thank YOU! The pain will come to have been a fleeting thing, but the friendships with which I have been graced through this are worth every moment of it.

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    1. Jan, 'Wow!' is right. I'm still a bit dazzled (and the sparklies are still around, being chased by Strawberry). The lifting of the veil, as it were, is (not was, as it's still present tense for me) an awesome experience.

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  15. Thanks for sharing your story each week....

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    1. Jennifer, thank you for being here!

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  16. Poignant words. Thank you for sharing, and for desiring tomorrow.

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    1. Thank you so much, Angela. A tomorrow that may be in doubt is all the more precious!

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  17. Praying for you and thanking for you to share such a touching experience with us.. Peace in Him.

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    1. Del, thank you so much for your prayers...and I am at peace. This is how it's meant to be, and I'm OK.

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  18. Amazing and painful at the same time. Wow. Jesus. Hallelujah. I keep praying for you. May God bless you according to your needs and his plans for you. Grace upon grace. Love upon love. Peace upon peace.

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    1. Mari-Anna, thank you so much for the prayers. In spite of the pain, or perhaps because of it, there is indeed profound peace.

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  19. I believe you, Andrew, when you say some sparkles are still present. Jesus glows Light--His eyes, His smile, His Presence.
    Blessings to you and Barbara as you walk the earth until He calls you Home ~ Wendy Mac

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    1. WendyMac, that was the really overwhelming reality of seeing Him face to Face...the light.

      Thank you so much for being here, and blessings back, from both of us.

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  20. That was really something. Your journey is so different than any I've heard about before. There's beauty to it. I'm stunned. Like Janet I can only express it with one word, WOW.

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    1. I just got it! Maybe you'll have an opportunity like St. Julian of Norwich. Wouldn't that be something?!!

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    2. Norma, my dear friend, thank you...and I LOVE Julian of Norwich!

      And I do walk in beauty; pain is just a part of life, not near the most of it.

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  21. Praying for you and Barb! I'm so glad you have the girls to keep you alive and with us. God still has things for you to accomplish, my friend.

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    1. Anita, we appreciate the prayers more than I can say. And the girls are such a blessing. Not leaving anytime soon, nohow.

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  22. May those sparklies hang in the air, bright as the sun many days, even if just in memory! May God keep showing you and you see His light as you go on your days through this journey Andrew, persevering as a champion son of you Father.

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    1. Lynn, thank you so much for this...the sparklies do remain, and leave me with a sense of wonder that makes my heart sing.

      I so appreciate your words, and your presence here.

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  23. Dazzled, with silence. You are a blue angel!

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    1. Nancy, bless you! You just made my day.

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  24. Thank you so much for taking the time to comment at my blog- I so appreciate that. I'm sorry to read about what you are going through. What an amazing experience you had. Praying for the 'sparklies' to stay around and remind you of His presence.

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    1. Prasanta, I was honoured to stop by your blog...you have such a gift for writing, and such a heart behind the pen!

      The sparklies are indeed still here, and I rather suspect they will be with me all the days of my life. I am so blessed!

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  25. Continuing to lift you up each day, Andrew! I'm so glad you are here for another day or more. And thankful you (or your sweet pooches) keep pushing closed the door of death.

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    1. Beth, thank you so much. I'm glad to be here, too...and it was the dogs, this time, that pushed the door closed. They were my Aaron and Hur, my strong arms.

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  26. Oh my, that was a scary read, Andrew! So sorry to hear about this experience. So interesting to hear that your dogs came to help you...Thinking of you!

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    1. Katha, thank you so much...it did have its scary moments, and moments of wonder, too...but on the whole I'm very glad that the dogs came to my aid, and that I'm still here.

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  27. I think Jesus meant for you to live to describe the lifting of the veil to give hope to many.

    "I'll cry tomorrow. Because I will be here tomorrow." brought tears to my eyes. I hate you're hurting; but, glad you are here pass on this bit (story) of your life.

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    1. Lee Ann, thank you so much, and I agree ith you. I am still here to describe this.

      For the first time, my purpose and God's coincide, and it's such an honour!

      Thank you so much for being here.

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  28. Dear Andrew, how big your heart must be to continually welcome us into your journey! Prayers that the outpouring of comfort and reassurance you give returns to you a hundred fold.

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    1. Alice, I'm so honoured by your words! Thank you so much for the prayers - they are very valued, and they really help.

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