I'm not giving up, by any means, but you've got to face it to fight it, yeah?
And in fighting it, I'm not angry. Pancreatic cancer is nasty and humiliating, and non-Hodgkins lymphoma (for which I'm highly symptomatic) is painful and exhausting (and itchy!)...but that's just their nature.
Being angry at them is like being angry at a boulder. And then kicking it.
I could be angry at a health-care system that spit me out when I could no longer work, and leaves me with no affordable options (the premiums on the cheapest plans are unaffordable, let alone the high deductibles they carry...and I'm not about to leave Barb burdened with debt when I die). So I could be angry at the heal-care system, and angry at the government for completely screwing it up under the previous administration.
But again, what's the point? The high-priced system we have grew organically from prevailing economic and societal conditions, and the government meant well. They tried to fix a problem that is probably fundamentally insoluble in the short run.
So that leaves...God! I can shake my fist at God, and scream at Him...and He promises to listen! At least I can make Him feel really bad, yeah?
Trouble is, I'm not mad at God. I don't think that He capriciously tossed me into the fire, just to make me 'draw closer to Him'. That's like beating a horse to get it to love you; you may break it, but you'll never have a steed. God's not like that.
So maybe this was all random, just a product of free will in Creation that was made necessary by original Sin...
Or maybe it's all part of a purpose that I can't begin to comprehend, and maybe this blog is part of that purpose.
Maybe I was just the right individual to pass along this message, or maybe I was in the wrong place at the right time, and my head was reshaped to fit this metaphorical hat.
Maybe it's all these, or none of these.
It doesn't matter.
Anger won't solve anything, and it won't make me feel better.
The only thing that will make me feel better is knowing that, at the end of the day, I was the best and kindest I could be.
How about some Cat Stevens, with Another Saturday Night?
Please pardon my slow response to comments. I do my best, and your comments are really precious to me. Barb is answering many of them now. I'm running on fumes, if you don't mind a macho metaphor.
I'm grateful for the energy to have written this. I'm so glad Barbara's stepped in for many of my posts. I'm really not doing well at all.
Thanks to Carol Ashby, Blessed Are The Pure Of Heart is back on Kindle, and will be available in paperback soon.
Friends are everything. I couldn't have done it.
Marley update... been moved to a sanctuary, and Bay County will revise their 'dangerous dog' codes.
If you can, please do leave a comment. I am trying to answer all, and I am failing, but please know this - I read and treasure each one.
Below are my recent releases on Kindle -please excuse their presence in the body of the blog. I haven't the energy to get them up as 'buttons' in the sidebar. You can click on the covers to go to the Amazon links.