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Sunday, June 11, 2017

Your Dying Spouse 322 - And I Was Almost Glad

Short post. Feeling awful.

Two days ago my computer went nuts, and I could find none of my user directories. I thought they were deleted, gone, poof.

I had backed them up spottily; when my external hard drive failed I began emailing manuscripts to myself after every writing session. But I wasn't very consistent, and a lot of stuff would have been lost.

And I was almost glad.

Not because I don't think it was good work...some wass, some wasn't...but because I am so very, very tired.

I don't want to muscle through this stuff, and try to make it part of my legacy. I should, but I've had more than enough.

And that is a warning from me to me. If I allow myself to stop caring, pretty soon I will allow myself to stop living.

The ending was happy; the files were merely hidden, and it was the work of a moment to unhide them

Is that a word? Unhide?

The drama was for nothing.

But for a moment, I was glad.

Just for fun, here's a musical blast from the past...


  1. Is it not okay to be glad? To feel relief? Even if it's not relief from the pain?
    I'm glad you found what you were looking for, though.
    Glad you're here, still fighting.

    1. Red, thanks...it IS OK to feel glad, even for that moment when the responsibility of what I have written was 'lifted'.

      But I'm more glad that it's back, and I won't quit.

  2. Lord,
    We lift Andrew up to you this day. May your spirit overwhelm Him that He is more aware of you than of his body. May He be so covered with your presence than he could be unaware of his pain!
    Pour over Him, Lord!

    1. Tammy, thank you so much for this. I do feel His presence!

  3. Tech stuff drives me crazy. Glad your problem was fixed. And I hope you have even more to be glad about in the future.

    1. Jan, tech drives me nits too. Thanks so much for your solid encouragement!

  4. Losing digital data can be distressing. I'm glad you were able to unhide your files, Andrew. Gonna listen to the song now...

    1. Lisa, yeh, it can be quite a bummer. I once tried to work on a 5000-line FORTRAN programme just after having my wisdom teeth out...and made a mistake and deleted, permanently, 4950 lines.

      No wonder they call them wisdom teeth. Lose 'em, and you ain't wise no more!

      Thanks so much for being here!

  5. Andrew, losing digital files is stressful. I imagine there's a mix of relief and stress over the work you've done, but the weariness bearing down on you. I'm glad you got things figured out. I'm praying for you, my friend.

    1. Jeanne, yes...I am very, very tired. It would have been something of a relief not to have to think about working on them, but it's more of a relief to have them back.

      Thank you so much for the prayers!

  6. I guess, Andrew, that you're not done yet, and for that we're ALL glad! :)