I lately had the opportunity to see myself through other eyes, and boy, was it an experience.
(This is being written in advance for Five Minute Friday; when I learn the keyword I will try to work it in.)
(The word is EXPECT, and you'll find it below, I expect.)
The story I had built to help me survive was one of keeping faith against hard odds, and keeping optimism and joy in what is a painful and frightening situation.
But what I thought was vulnerability was chalked up to vanity.
What I counted as hope was counted as my self-produced hagiography.
What I viewed as sincerity was labeled 'spin', and a play for sympathy.
What I considered - God forgive me - as muscular faith was dismissed as macho melodrama.
I am a self-styled guru with bad teeth (no money for a dentist) and a long beard who, were he not living off the efforts of another, might otherwise be residing in a cardboard box under a bridge.
Email's really wonderful. You can get feedback so quickly. And you never really know what to expect. (Got the word in!)
It was an eye-opener, and since it came from sources I both trust and respect, may be correct.
Perhaps this is the opening of a window unto the real world, exposing my terminal-illness playroom.
I don't know.
However.
What I do know is this, that two thousand years ago a Man names Jesus took my sins, the ones I did not yet commit, onto His own Heart.
And He was tortured and brutally killed - for me.
He endured three days of death - for me.
The critics may be right; perhaps I have built a Potemkin village of meaning to boost my ego. Maybe it's all self-serving tosh, to make me feel like I can still play the man when every vestige of manhood has been stripped away.
But I still believe the He is the resurrection and the life.
That may, in the end, be all I have to offer.
The musical theme is courtesy For King And Country, with Shoulders. I hope you'll watch the video, and enjoy the song.
Still hoping to get the new and improved version of Blessed Are The Pure Of Heart up and running in the near future. Just haven't had the energy to do it yet...but if you would like to read it, please say so in your comment and I'd be glad to send you a PDF (which should fit your Kindle).
I have another blog, "Starting The Day With Grace". The focus is a grace quote from someone you might not expect (like, say Mick Jagger) and a short commentary. I hope you'll join me.
Marley update... been moved to a sanctuary, and Bay County will revise their 'dangerous dog' codes.
WE MADE A DIFFERENCE!
And marley has a Facebook page! Please drop by to see how happy he is today.
If you can, please do leave a comment. I am trying to answer all, and I am failing, but please know this - I read and treasure each one.
Below are my recent releases on Kindle -please excuse their presence in the body of the blog. I haven't the energy to get them up as 'buttons' in the sidebar. You can click on the covers to go to the Amazon links.
Andrew, what a powerful video. I'm so glad you shared it. It spoke to me.
ReplyDeleteI don't even know what to say about the letter the person/people sent you. We all live out our faith the best ways we know how. We take each moment the best ways we can. We should not be judged when our efforts are sincere. What we know is our sincerest living out of faith can be perceived by another as "macho melodrama." God knows our hearts. He knows the things we get right and the things we mess up.
I'll be honest. You've been forthright when He's shown you about the mistakes in perceptions and actions you have held to. In the years I've been reading your blog, I've seen the transformation God has worked in you.
I read this in my quiet time this morning. It comes from Isaiah 51:7—
“Hear me, you who know what is right,
you people who have taken my instruction to heart:
Do not fear the reproach of mere mortals
or be terrified by their insults.
Men don't have the same perspective God has. They don't see the heart. Only God does. He sees the work He's doing in you. I am truly sorry these words have stripped you, my friend.
I am praying for you.
Oh, and sorry for the novella. ;)
Jeanne, thank you so much for this...and no apologies needed. I like novellas.
DeleteIt was hard to hear those words in the letters, notwithstanding the tact with which the senders tried to imbue them.
But one can only do one's best. I've tried to be sure I edited out anything that smacked of self-aggrandizement. That effort will continue.
Loved the Scripture from Isaiah. Thank you for this. And you're so right, only God can see the heart, and it's Him to whom our efforts should be dedicated.
Thank you so much for the prayers!
Loved the video Andrew. So glad Marley is doing okay.
ReplyDeleteDeborah, I'm so glad you enjoyed it! For King And Country is terrific.
DeleteAnd Marley's rescue brings a smile to my face every day.
He did Andrew, he died for you, he died for me... let's not forget that despite what others might have to say about it. :)
ReplyDeleteAnnette, yes...that's the important thing, and it's the thing to hold to no matter what anyone says!
DeleteThank you so much for being here.
i think you need to listen to what Jesus says about you and enjoy that He has forgiven you as you face your final days here. people who make judgements about you and your motives don't really know. He does...and He has already forgiven you for the parts of your motives that are all messed up...and some of them may well be. fortunately, He has already taken care of all of it. for you, for me and the rest of us who are broken and know it...and have come to the Father forforgiveness and healing. blessings brother. thank GOD for His mercy and grace:)
ReplyDeleteMartha, you're absolutely right. There is one Voice I need to hear, and I can't let the others drown Him out. That's under my contro, even if it's hard sometimes.
DeleteAnd yes, I thank God for His mercy and grace!
One of my favorite songs off that entire album! I feel lifted up every time it plays!
ReplyDeleteI pray that no matter what anyone would say about you, that you would always find your only identity in that man who rescued you on the cross!
In the short time I've read your blog, I'm always struck by your honesty and your charisma.
He is accomplishing in you more than you know.
Christine, I'm so glad you like 'Shoulders'; when I first heard it I was simply stunned by its power, and the special meaning...as if it had been written just for me.
DeleteThank you so much for this kind and gracious comment; I truly appreciate it, and I am grateful for your presence here.
In the end, isn't it all we have to offer? It's the MAIN THING.
ReplyDeleteAnd, one more thing - no one, I mean no one has any business saying anything to you... What are they walking through right now? GMAB.
DeleteSusan, you're right (and please forgive my delayed reply). It IS all we have to offer. ANd yeah...they didn't have any real business saying what they did. Thanks so much! XOXOXOWaggyWaggyWOOF!!!
DeleteI can do that, too - mask vanity as vulnerability.... When I'm feeling insecure or out of place, I find myself masking more and more. Thanks for the reminder that we are rooted in someone so much bigger.
ReplyDeleteAnnie, it is an easy trap into which to fall. We are indeed rooted in a larger and Ultimate reality! Thanks so much for being here, and please forgive my tardy reply.
DeleteAndrew,
ReplyDeleteI had never seen the video. Powerful! The email sounds like a hurting person hurting others. You must have somehow struck a blow to the real enemy somewhere.
So, I am laughing with delight at your response to the attack. You are proclaiming the gospel even louder!! With gusto!!
That is the only real response to the enemy of our souls. Jesus rose!
Bravo, Brave one!
And though I am grieved at your pain, you have the posture of humility when you cannot stand. The fetal position is perfect for God's palm.
Praying with you today and thankful you could post so many this week!!
Love,
Tammy
Here's a music joke I didn't write: Why did Mozart get rid of all his chickens?
They kept saying Bach Bach Bach Bach
Tammy, I so appreciate your words, and yes...I think you're right. A hurting person hurting others.
DeleteNever thought off that, the foetal position being perfect for God's palm. Good one1
And the Mozart joke is terrific!!!!!
Love back, from all of us.
It is awful that those that are hurting lash out at others sometimes.
ReplyDeleteEmily, you're so right...and thank you so much for being here.
DeleteAndrew,
ReplyDeleteCling to Christ, as you are so clearly doing. Listen to Him in all. And as He speaks truth into your heart and soul, may you know His peace that passes all understanding. Praying that peace guards your heart and mind against the attacks of the enemy.
Debbie
Debbie, thank you for this (and please excuse my late reply). I am clinging to Christ with all my remaining strength, that strength which He replenishes by the minute.
DeleteAnd thank you so much for you're prayers. They are deeply appreciated.
Andrew, the way, the truth and the life is all we need. I love For King and Country! Great song. Praying peace, hope and love over you brother. I'm down in the 44 spot this week.
ReplyDeleteTara, please excuse my delayed reply...and I'm so glad you liked the song! Indeed, He is all we need, and thank you so much for your prayers!
DeleteI'm sorry you've been hurt by people's comments but it's so true that what really matters is how God sees us. He is the one who really knows us and he loves us as we are. I'm always blessed by your writing here and the lessons you share.
ReplyDeleteLesley, thank you for this (and please excuse the late reply). Indeed, you are right - it's how God sees us that matters, and He never has misconceptions of prejudice.
DeleteI'm very grateful for your kind words; thanks again, from the bottom of my heart.
Andrew, if you believe you're any or all of those terrible things people have said, you must be mentally ill. ;-)
ReplyDeleteYou're one of the most common sense-type people I've ever encountered and I admire you. Now don't let that make you egotistical. ;-)
Jan, you gave me a good laugh...and I really appreciate it (and please excuse my tardy reply)1 No, I don't, on reflection, believe what was said.It did make me look back, and look inward.
DeleteAnd I truly appreciate your kind praise. Won't let it go to my head. I promise!
Still believing He is the resurrection. Believing with you, friend. Wrapping you in hug and prayer and all things new. #fmf
ReplyDeleteCarolina, yes! He is indeed the Resurrection, and in Him is all the hope we need (and please pardon my late reply). Thank you so much for the hugs and prayers.
DeleteI read this earlier this morning and couldn't think the best way to respond. Three weeks ago I was told to my face by a Christian brother that he had, at times, wondered if I was a wolf in sheep's clothing. The thought was both stunning and surprising to me. People don't know our hearts and they judge us by their own grid. I wondered how I had failed to communicate well, and if there was a better way. And of course it made me feel that maybeI am barking up the wrong tree and should stop trying so hard to communicate my message of grace for the emotionally wounded. It causes self-doubt. In your case, I, like others, have seen a beautiful transformation in your life. Your faith is vibrant. Your love for this community is real. You live to encourage others. You offer beauty for ashes. I identify with your walk, because of the way God brings healing grace out of broken pieces. When you respect someone, their harsh words seem stronger. Keep writing. We'll keep praying.
ReplyDeleteNorma, my heavens...you, of all people, are NOT a wolf in sheep's clothing. Your faith is a shining example of what I would like to be, and your heart provides a gentle refuge for the hurting. Truly. The dude who said that was off his rocker.
DeleteI'm so very grateful for your kind and thoughtful words; they bring grace and peace to me.
Please pardon my delay in responding - these have been tough days. And thank you so much for the prayers!
Thanks for sharing, Andrew. I admire that you sought what truth there *might* be in those words -- and then turned it all over to God. There is a crack in everything: better to admit that and let the light in!
ReplyDeleteJeannie, thank you so much (and please excuse my tardiness in replying)! You're so right - we need to admit the cracks' existence and let in God's light!
DeleteAndrew, I'm gonna be really spiritual here and give you some incredibly powerful advice... BE A DUCK. That's right, a duck. Spend some time with the Father, and let the 'healing oil of the Holy Spirit' wiggle its way between all of your feathers. It doesn't matter whether words come from friend or foe, or whether they are true or not, sometimes they just need to "wash off your back."
ReplyDeleteQuack quack quack = directly translated, "You're a good man and we love you."
Shauna (all the way across the pond in FMF#44 today) :)
Shauna, this is perfect! I'm a duck! I love the image of letting God wash it off me.
DeleteQuack quack, right back! :)
And please forgive my delay in replying.
Andrew,
ReplyDeletePooh Pooh to the critics! I am learning these past few weeks that a life of "right" pales to a life of "well". Jesus is going to say to the redeemed "Well done", not "good job". There is a difference! It is well with my soul was not written about what was done right. The man (forgot his name) wrote that after losing his three daughters at sea. Was that right? Serve Jesus as you can from where you are and if there be any critique, God will reveal it and not with any piousy (??) or comparison. Be well in your soul, my friend. As His redeemed He sees no spot in thee! Praying for you. This week #65. Short! Busy week.
Mary, thank you so much for this (and please excuse my delay in responding).
DeleteYou're so correct that 'right' doesn't hold a candle to 'well'; I had never thought of this.
And yes, it's God's opinion that counts. His, and His alone.
I don't know if you read Brene Brown at all, but her advice of not taking criticism from those who aren't 'in the ring', or putting themselves out there is pretty powerful stuff. There are so many ways that our words can be interpreted, and that is the beauty/terror of sharing, I guess. We all read words through the filter that is our experiences and insecurities... Keep writing, being real and showing up. You are an encouragement to us all...
ReplyDeleteEmaa, thank you for the heads-up to read more Brene Brown. I've read some of work and she is good.
DeleteYou're so right that we all filter what we say through experiences, insecurities...and, I guess, fears.
I'll keep showing up; and please excuse my tardy response here!
Thank you for sharing your thoughts, and you DID get the word included! I am #77...finally sat down and was able to get this week's FMF posted! I haven't been writing (OR reading) much lately, but am encouraged (by another online friend) to do so...
ReplyDeleteAnd, here I am! I do read your posts each time I am notified you have posted one. But, don't always have the words to respond and comment...commenting today with a hug and a prayer; just about all I can do for now!! Keep looking UP; keep writing as long as you are able...you are an inspiration for all of us!!!
Barbara, thanks so much for being here, and will be heading over to your post tonight. Please pardon my delay in responding!
DeleteI so much appreciate the hugs and prayers!
I used to go fishing with my grandfather as a child and every now and then he would toss one back. "Too many bones", he would say. Now as an adult I have come to understand that in another way, as I almost always try to hear the "meat" of what a person may be trying to convey (even if their approach has a few "bones"). I have found, however, that every now and then I have to toss one back for reason of "too many bones".
ReplyDeleteAndrew, only you know if it's worth the effort to keep chewing, or if in fact you should just toss it back! Not every catch is worth the effort...
BTW- LOVE THIS SONG! (It was my Father's Day tribute one year)
Tondra, I LOVED this story you shared about your grandfather. There is such wisdom there, and it's a tremendous comfort.
DeleteToss it back. Yes!
And I'm so glad that you enjoyed the song. It's one of my very favourites.
The cruelty of that email was unbelievably harsh to you and your readers. My husband died of pancreatic cancer 3 weeks ago. He survived 10 months and in the end he literally starved to death. We know justice is the Lord's. I hope the emailer is convicted in this world so they can repent. I admire your grace in dealing with this. Your messages, song selections and daily quotes are an inspiration to me and your readers. No one knows how difficult it is to keep living with pancreatic cancer. God's blessings, peace and prayers for you as you continue your ministry to caregivers. This critical email must mean you are too effective in winning souls for Christ! Please hang in there, Andrew!
ReplyDeleteOh, Karen, I am so very sorry! My heart and my prayers go out to you.
DeleteI'm so grateful for your gracious words, more than I can say, and you're right that hanging in there is tough.
But the reward is great; I finally feel like I m doing that which God intended me to do.
I'll keep going. No question.
(((((Karen))))) I'm so sorry! May the Lord comfort you while you grieve!
ReplyDeleteHi, Andrew. Wow, that is a powerful video and a moving song. Thank you for sharing that message with us. I'm sorry to hear you are on the receiving end of a painful, critical message. That's never easy, particularly when we're in the midst of difficult life circumstances, too. May you continue to bask in the love and comfort of our Lord and Savior.
ReplyDeleteHeidi, thank you so much for your kind and gracious words...and I'm so glad you liked the song and video!
DeletePeople are cruel. I'm so sorry you received a message that was difficult to hear. Perhaps this is a trusted friend, but it feels unkind all the same. You are walking through your own difficult circumstance and I think until we walk in another's shoes we really can't be too quick to judge. May you feel God's peace in this new week.
ReplyDeleteJoyce, you're so right - people can be very, very cruel. And yes, we really do need to walk in another's shoes before passing judgement.
DeleteThank you so much for being here!
Obviously, who ever sent you that email does not know you very well, Andrew. I don't know how you are determining that the source is someone you can trust. Perhaps you have more of a relationship with that person than it sounds like to me. I'm wondering if you simply hit on a nerve for that person. Yes, even good, solid friends have them--especially in weak moments.
ReplyDeleteBut I'm here to say that I am grateful for how you've continued shared your story no matter the difficulty it costs you to produce it each day and week. If we had to spend a day in your shoes, I'm sure that none of us would speak a word of criticism but instead be wowed by your strength. But thank you for eating humble pie--whether it was yours to eat or not. And thank you also for pointing back to Christ! Through my eyes, you are one humble man! Praying you are feeling Christ's comfort in the midst of your pain.
Beth, I think you're right - I hit on a nerve, and perhaps on a hidden fear. You're so right that we all have our weak points.
DeleteIt is really an honour to be able to share this journey, as uncomfortable as it sometimes is. The prayers and support I have received here are beyond anything I might have imagined.
I so appreciate your presence here, my friend, and most especially your prayers!
I to have received similar letters, created to cause me doubt, hurt like intended, but know God did not help them write them. Had He, their words wouldn't have been like a knife in my back, going all the way to my heart. How I handled them was with God touching my shoulder, encouraging me to move closer to His direction. The authors of those letters still have no clue! #92 this week.
ReplyDeleteElizabeth, thank you so much for sharing your experiences with a similar situation, and especially the way you handled it. God touching your shoulder...that is wonderful.
DeleteI so appreciate your being here!
I don't know how to respond to the beginning of what you wrote and the email you got. It's not really for me to comment either way. I'm walking into the middle of a movie here. Stick with what you know. Stick with the Truth, the Word and surround yourself with those who tell the truth in love. Keep the faith! Peace and blessings-Leigh
ReplyDeleteLeigh, I think your advice is excellent, to stick with what one knows. The truth, the Word, and those who speak truth is love...this is a great way to phrase it. Thank you!
Delete