I lately had the opportunity to see myself through other eyes, and boy, was it an experience.
(This is being written in advance for Five Minute Friday; when I learn the keyword I will try to work it in.)
(The word is EXPECT, and you'll find it below, I expect.)
The story I had built to help me survive was one of keeping faith against hard odds, and keeping optimism and joy in what is a painful and frightening situation.
But what I thought was vulnerability was chalked up to vanity.
What I counted as hope was counted as my self-produced hagiography.
What I viewed as sincerity was labeled 'spin', and a play for sympathy.
What I considered - God forgive me - as muscular faith was dismissed as macho melodrama.
I am a self-styled guru with bad teeth (no money for a dentist) and a long beard who, were he not living off the efforts of another, might otherwise be residing in a cardboard box under a bridge.
Email's really wonderful. You can get feedback so quickly. And you never really know what to expect. (Got the word in!)
It was an eye-opener, and since it came from sources I both trust and respect, may be correct.
Perhaps this is the opening of a window unto the real world, exposing my terminal-illness playroom.
I don't know.
What I do know is this, that two thousand years ago a Man names Jesus took my sins, the ones I did not yet commit, onto His own Heart.
And He was tortured and brutally killed - for me.
He endured three days of death - for me.
The critics may be right; perhaps I have built a Potemkin village of meaning to boost my ego. Maybe it's all self-serving tosh, to make me feel like I can still play the man when every vestige of manhood has been stripped away.
But I still believe the He is the resurrection and the life.
That may, in the end, be all I have to offer.
The musical theme is courtesy For King And Country, with Shoulders. I hope you'll watch the video, and enjoy the song.
Still hoping to get the new and improved version of Blessed Are The Pure Of Heart up and running in the near future. Just haven't had the energy to do it yet...but if you would like to read it, please say so in your comment and I'd be glad to send you a PDF (which should fit your Kindle).
Marley update... been moved to a sanctuary, and Bay County will revise their 'dangerous dog' codes.
If you can, please do leave a comment. I am trying to answer all, and I am failing, but please know this - I read and treasure each one.
Below are my recent releases on Kindle -please excuse their presence in the body of the blog. I haven't the energy to get them up as 'buttons' in the sidebar. You can click on the covers to go to the Amazon links.