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Love and marriage are the greatest adventures in life, and they point they way to our relationship with the Almighty.

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Sunday, October 2, 2016

Your Dying Spouse 214 - Carried By God

Last post I described the culmination of a really bad week, and the despair that haunted me...ameliorated by the knowledge that while I couldn't yet forgive myself for negligence that caused the death of a lovely dog, God had already forgiven me.

Part of the anguish came from knowing that my time is getting shorter...kind of a "how can this get healed quick so I can enjoy the time I have left?"

The short answer is, it can't. You can't fake healing; you can't hurry grief, and you can't force forgiveness, even if you're trying to forgive yourself.

The shadows may lift while I'm alive.

But it doesn't matter, because "while I'm alive" is so very limited.

God is carrying me now; I'm still stuck on the awful day, and perhaps always will be, but He is holding me up to be a cheerful presence to the other dogs, and to be the best and most supportive husband I can still be to Barbara.

They need my best while I'm here. Their lives do not go on hold while I'm still (and not without some justification) beating the crap out of myself.

I could not do this alone. It's simply beyond my capabilities. For all my posturing, my motivational full-throttle-rebel-yell-spit-at-the-devil silliness, I was poleaxed by my own sloth and pride.

And the Lord picked me up, and is letting me heal in His arms.

No musical accompaniment, but I thought you might enjoy a link to the official website for the poem Footsteps In The Sand. It's copyrighted, so I don't feel right reproducing it here, but click on the poem's title to go there.

Much to my surprise, I decided to participate in a '31 Days' blogging exercise; rather than interrupt the flow of this post, I have another blog established, "Starting The Day With Grace". The focus is a grace quote from someone you might not expect (like, say Mick Jagger) and a short commentary. I hope you'll join me.

Marley update...he's received a lot of support, but STILL NEEDS HELP TO BE SAVED.

WE ARE MAKING A DIFFERENCE!

He's up to nearly 200,000 signatures, but the local authorities are dragging their feet. They think that we'll give up and go away. We won't.

If you have a mment, I'd like to ask you to visit Change.org to consider a petition to free a 'death row dog' who has been separated from his family for ten months over a misunderstanding. Marley was saved from Afghanistan by a US serviceman; please help make sure this story doesn't end in needless tragedy! Marley's gotten a lot of support...but he still needs our help.


If you can, please do leave a comment. I am trying to answer all, and I am failing, but please know this - I read and treasure each one.

Below are my recent releases on Kindle -please excuse their presence in the body of the blog. I haven't the energy to get them up as 'buttons' in the sidebar. You can click on the covers to go to the Amazon links.











15 comments:

  1. Thank you for sharing words of strength and faith in the midst of hard days and gritty lessons.

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    1. Michele, thank you so much for these kind words. They are a treasure to my heart.

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  2. I love that you're doing 31 Days, friend! Sometimes those last minute decisions turn out to be our best choices ...

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    1. Linda, I'm glad to be doing 31 days as well...just hoping to have the strength to keep it going!

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  3. It will be worth it all when we see Jesus.

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    1. Do you ever sense His presence?

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    2. Norma, yes..,it will be worth it. It's worth it now, really, because He is always here. the worse I get, the clearer is His Face.

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  4. Good for you for taking the challenge! I'll have to hop on over and check out your other blog :).

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  5. The day that we see Jesus and those that have passed and went before us. I so look forward to that day it will be so awarding. Those we leave hear are the ones that feel the pain when we go. Sounds like an amazing challenge to embark on. I can only imagine the facts and places of grace that you will look at differently after this challenge

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    1. Angie, you said this beautifully...thank you so much for this lovely addition of faith and hope!

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  6. You thought you would be gone long ago, but you're still here for a reason. Your writing, even if only in online posts, is touching lots of lives.

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    1. Jan, yes...the energy to write is slipping, and the drive to even stay is slipping as well...but I feel increasingly a 'push from behind' getting me through each day.

      That there is a purpose for my staying, I am sure; what it is, I can accept not knowing right now.

      Thank you so much for being here!

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  7. Andrew, I always appreciate your raw honesty here. Beautiful truths, reality speaking through your words. I, too, am thankful God lets us heal in His arms. Forgiveness of ourselves takes time. Almost always.

    Continuing to pray for you, Barb and the dogs, my friend.

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    1. Jeanne, thank you for this. Would that self-forgiveness would be as quick as God's forgiveness! But it is enough, I think, to know that it's there, and that we are allowed time and shelter to heal.

      Thank you so much for being here, my friend, and for the prayers.

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