Your Dying Spouse 224 - It's Hard To Go On

An update - yesterday Barbara won the Halloween Costume Contest at work, dressed as WW2's Rosie The Riveter. Here's a picture - she really nailed it! (Look at the contemporary poster at top right for comparison.)

We're linked with Messy Marriage's From Messes To Messages. I hope you'll take the link there; you'll find a lot of really great marriage resources.

It is getting hard to continue...writing, and hoping. A lot of ground has been lost recently, physically, spiritually, and just in terms of overall outlook.

Barbara's concerned; she sees the light fading, and asks what she can do to help. The hardest words for a caregiver to hear, I think, are, "There's really not much you can do."

Or anyone can do, for that matter.

Except me. My morale, my hope, my future, whatever it is, is up to me. (I'm not excluding God, but my nature just doesn't allow me to lean into Him arms, or cry out to Him. He's there, with an offer of strength and a God-sized boot in the backside when I slip into self-pity. Sometimes that makes sitting down kinda hard for a few days.)

So what to do -

• Dress professionally according to my circumstance, which means clean and neat shorts and shirt, and boots. No slippers, no dressing gowns. (I have to wear shorts as my legs have burn scars; long pants hurt.
• No comfy chairs or sofas. When I sit down I sit on the floor; when I lie down (which is often, yeah, it's the floor. Softness is self-indulgence, and self-indulgence is a killer.
• Maintain engagement via the internet; the only human I see regularly is my wife, and carrying on a conversation is hard. Mostly I listen. But I do try to keep up with the blogs I have come to love, and to maintain engagement on mine. Not easy, some days. Pain can make concentrating on a comment or reply hard. But it's vital for mental health.
• Try to do at least one -aeroplane-building-task every day. This was my lifetime avocation, and while I can't do much I can still do something, even if it's laying out a pattern for a part on a piece of steel I may never be able to cut. It's not much but it's something.
• Avoid media that calls me to cynicism. I love Joel Osteen, but hearing him talk about my miracle being just around the corner evokes an answer of "Oh, yeah?" and that isn't helpful. Cynicism is the brother of despair, and the father of self-contempt.
• No bad language. This is hard for me! But the use of profanity is not only unimaginative, it's also sloppy and gives vent to frustration that should be sublimated to a better purpose. Complaining is useless.
• No comfort food. The foods we crave are generally high in carbs and fat...that' why we like them so much! But for mental clarity one needs more protein. So it's lean chicken 'till I'm growing feathers. And rather than soda pop, concentrated electrolytes in tapwater. Bon apetit.

That's a pretty good list for starters. What would you suggest to add?

Much to my surprise, I decided to participate in a '31 Days' blogging exercise; rather than interrupt the flow of this post, I have another blog established, "Starting The Day With Grace". The focus is a grace quote from someone you might not expect (like, say Malcolm X) and a short commentary. I hope you'll join me.

Marley update...he's received a lot of support, but STILL NEEDS HELP TO BE SAVED.

WE ARE MAKING A DIFFERENCE!

He's up to nearly 200,000 signatures, but the local authorities are dragging their feet. They think that we'll give up and go away. We won't.

If you have a mment, I'd like to ask you to visit Change.org to consider a petition to free a 'death row dog' who has been separated from his family for ten months over a misunderstanding. Marley was saved from Afghanistan by a US serviceman; please help make sure this story doesn't end in needless tragedy! Marley's gotten a lot of support...but he still needs our help.

If you can, please do leave a comment. I am trying to answer all, and I am failing, but please know this - I read and treasure each one.

Below are my recent releases on Kindle -please excuse their presence in the body of the blog. I haven't the energy to get them up as 'buttons' in the sidebar. You can click on the covers to go to the Amazon links.