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Sunday, September 11, 2016

Your Dying Spouse 205 - Patient Fail

Last week I wrote about a caregiver fail. Today it's a major patient fail...and the patient is me.

If you read Friday's postyou know that Barbara's beloved 18-year-old Rottweiler died last week, and she was devastated.

Over the past couple of months, it was starting to become obvious that Mocha Java's time was getting short, and Barbara kept saying things like, "I don't think we;ll have her to the end of summer."

I didn't disagree, but thought that this kind of prophesying wasn't good for anyone, and that even Mocha could pick up on it.

What a blind idiot I am.

Barbara was trying to prepare herself (and perhaps prepare Mocha) for the coming separation. She knew, as I did not, how hard it would be on her.

I didn't push the point, but saying it once was bad enough, because it bespoe a gross lack of understanding of my wife's heart.

And it also bespoke a secret fear in mine..."What if she's thinking that about me?"

It was hard to bite the bullet and write this. I'm embarrassed, and feel pretty small.

But it may help someone, somewhere, and that's the only reason I'm writing this.

Marley update...he's received a lot of support, but STILL NEEDS HELP TO BE SAVED.


He's up to nearly 200,000 signatures, but the local authorities are dragging their feet. They think that we'll give up and go away. We won't.

If you have a mment, I'd like to ask you to visit Change.org to consider a petition to free a 'death row dog' who has been separated from his family for ten months over a misunderstanding. Marley was saved from Afghanistan by a US serviceman; please help make sure this story doesn't end in needless tragedy! Marley's gotten a lot of support...but he still needs our help.

If you can, please do leave a comment. I am trying to answer all, and I am failing, but please know this - I read and treasure each one.

Below are my recent releases on Kindle -please excuse their presence in the body of the blog. I haven't the energy to get them up as 'buttons' in the sidebar. You can click on the covers to go to the Amazon links.


  1. Andrew,
    You are brave. You did it. You went here.
    And I am so proud of you.
    Fear loses its power when we call it out. We say, "and then what?"
    I am so reminded of Shadrach and Meshach and Abednego.
    "We know our God can save us, but even if not, we will not bow, oh King."
    Andrew, you have defeated satan's whispers tonight. Not just for you, but for a host of people you will only meet past heaven's gates.
    "I'm no longer a slave to fear. I am a child of God."
    Bless you, Andrew. She's not leaving you. You are more than a million Mochas. Know your life is more than sparrows.

  2. Andrew, you may have thought that you failed her, but when she did lose Mocha Java you were there giving her the support she needed. You sat with her in her grief.

    You are brave as Tammy has already said. Thank you for sharing your heart here. None of us really know how long we have on this earth with each other. May God give us grace to make the most of our relationships every single day.

    You are always inspiring, Andrew. May God bless and comfort. I'm your neighbor today at #inspirememondays.

  3. We all fail the people we love the most. We fail people who need us to hear them. We fail to listen because of our own fears, insecurities, or preoccupation etc. Humans don't always see the big picture. And we're all vulnerable. Being there for her is the best gift you can give Barbara, and it's never too late to express that. I like it that you acknowledge your own fear, because that is part of the process. So sorry Barbara lost Mocha Java. May the Lord's face shine upon her.

  4. It sounded like you were trying to put her mind at ease. But I know that among the sadness right now that it still hurts. But as you said what if she is thinking about that with you. Maybe this is your opportunity to make it up to her and identifying her feelings with your future. I don't have much experience but it was just a thought. You sound like such a compassionate person that you recognizing what you realized what could have hurt it could make other things better. Haha. Hope that makes sense. Praying for Barbara and you Andrew

  5. No, Andrew, the words may not be easy to even think much less write or speak them aloud! None of us wants to think of the "what if's" and the time when there is a separation from our loved ones...whether it's in sight, or just a concern.

    And, yes you DID IT! And it's out there and perhaps it will help someone else at some point or other. After all, isn't that really why we are inspired to write?!

    Thank you for the courage you exhibit each time to strike a keyboard and share your heart and soul!! Prayers, hugs, and whatever else helps...

  6. As ever, my best to Barbara. She must be quite a woman!

  7. I believe being brave enough to face your fear, be it secret or otherwise, makes one a giant, not small! :) Barbara's words were what she needed to say, and yours were dealing with your own fears - that makes both parties right and means that no one failed. That's my take on it. God bless!

  8. I love how self-reflective you are, Andrew. Yes, your wife's actions are very wise--to prepare her heart for that loss with her beloved dog and perhaps with you. But you are not "small" by any means. You are on the flip side of this equation and never want that reality she must prepare herself for to be where her mind goes. That makes total sense when you are sitting where you are. I think Barbara probably has the same self-reflection about you and where you're coming from. And if she doesn't, there are so many, including me, who do.

  9. "But it may help someone, somewhere, and that's the only reason I'm writing this."
    This is why you are my hero!