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Thursday, January 21, 2016

Your Dying Spouse 109 - Faith Is Now {FMF}

Time for Five Minute Friday, hosted by the gracious and inspiring Kate Motaung. It's a weekly timed keyword-driven writing challenge.

The word this week is...PRESENT.

Okay.

First, I have to apologise in advance if I am awkward in the writing...I was badly concussed yesterday by a wind-borne piece of timber, and am not at my best...but I am...well, present.

But that is not my thesis.

When you are dying, the present is really all you have.

It's not like a movie, in which, in the last days, everyone gathers 'round for weepy reminisces.

They hurt way too much when you are simply trying to get through the next minute. Looking back on past happiness sucks. It makes now, which still has value, look pale in comparison.

I appreciate the good things in the past, but this is not the time to dwell on them. I need every bit of energy to breathe, to move, to focus. I do not need it leached away by pointless nostalgia.

So, too, the future. While I appreciate that God has a plan for my life, He does not guarantee that His plan isn't gonna hurt...big time.

Someone has to take the hammer. And someone has to try to witness that, well, life is still OK.

So maybe that's His plan.

Is He going to bring me out to restored health, a rebuilt life? Maybe. But thinking about it is really just daydreaming. It's not faith.

FAITH IS IN THE HERE AND NOW, DOING MY LEVEL BEST TO DO HIS WILL.

Faith and hope and love are only truly found in how we meet the present.

Done.

If you can.please do leave a comment. I am trying to answer all, and I am failing, but please know this - I read and treasure each one.

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48 comments:

  1. No time like the present.
    Yeah the past sucks. It is also a thief. If we let ourselves linger there we forget to be in the here and now and walking the path that God has given us. It interests me to a degree, the dying thing, because really, we are all dying, but most of us don't live like we are, and maybe we should. We should do what we love, avoid what we don't and make each moment count as if it were our last, because you never know, only God does. Praying for you and Barbara! Hope your concussion heals soon!! They are not fun!! (((hugs))) and love!

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    1. Absolutely right, Marisa - the past, and the nostalgia that accompany it - it's a thief, and a trap.

      I agree that we should do what we love, and that we should learn to love and appreciate the duties that God places in our lives. They're there for a reason...to help us grow, and to offer others that which only we can give.

      Thank you so much for the prayers...we truly appreciate them. The concussion's getting better. At least I can write!

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  2. Oh, Andrew, He will most certainly bring restoration to your health...here or in Heaven. Thinking of you and praying for your pain tonight.

    Lynette

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    1. Lynette, thank you so much for the prayers. As I write this, it's a bit tough, but God is here. And yes, the healing will come. If not here...and the pain is borne with purpose...then in God's eternal presence.

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  3. "Faith is in the here and now, doing my level best to do His will." This spoke to me Andrew. You continue to focus on His will and not your own. That amazes me. That inspires me to do the same. Thank you. Keep up the fight. I continue to pray.

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    1. Julie, thank you so much! The pain and the real humiliation that can go with some of the symptoms are tough, but life is still worthwhile...there are gifts offered every hour, and the greatest are the opportunities to do God's work, the jobs He has placed in my care.

      Thank you so much for the prayers!

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  4. Living presently is the only good thing about dying in my opinion although I have never experienced it. I always think of the song Live like you are dying by Tim McGraw and try to live my life like that. As always praying for you and Barbara and stay away from wind blown timber hope you concussion gets better

    your fmf friend parked at number 5 this week

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    1. I like the song too, Miranda...but as the ability to enjoy 'mountaintop moments' passes beyond my ability (the pounding from riding a bull would be fatal...really) I find that the everyday is filled with grace...if I choose to embrace it.

      I'm tempted to say that there's not much good about dying, but it's really not true. The shadow of death strips away so much of the un-needed weight and assumed obligation, leaving life as something of a hard, pure flame. It's not a bad way to live.

      Thank you for the prayers...I am truly grateful. The wooziness from the concussion is passing. It does take awhile!

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  5. Such wise words, Andrew. And this? "Faith and hope and love are only truly found in how we meet the present." This will keep me pondering for awhile. I'm praying for you, and as always, your perspective helps me to make mine more well-rounded. I appreciate your transparency here, and your determination to be present even in severe pain.

    Thank you for that gift.

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    1. Jeanne, thank you...I learn so much from you every week, and I'm honoured that you find something of value here.

      Thank you for the gift of your friendship...truly.

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  6. okay dude, how did that happen? (rhetorical question, don't take the energy to answer). as if you don't have enough to deal with physically right now! goodness.

    I love this: "FAITH IS IN THE HERE AND NOW, DOING MY LEVEL BEST TO DO HIS WILL."--- i think you're doing that splendidly. I don't think I've ever known someone to still show up to life in such raw honesy the way you have through this. We have to do our best in the present. So true. All my love to you and Barbara, friend.

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    1. Oh, I can answer that one...a high wind picked up a piece of wood and slammed it into the side of my head. I saw it coming, and could only turn my head. Luckily I have a thick skull.

      I am so grateful for your kind words. They mean the world to me, and I am humbled that you find meaning here.

      And love to you, from us.

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  7. This, Andrew, mirrors what I've been reading in Isaiah: "While I appreciate that God has a plan for my life, He does not guarantee that His plan isn't gonna hurt...big time." In fact, if Isaiah's anything to go by, He says in fact that it will "hurt...big time." Because as you testify with your writing here, as the big time hurt comes,you lean into His Promises to sustain you. You can meet the present in faith because you know that no matter the pain, He is ever and always with you, "a strong Warrior" stooping down to embrace, comfort, sustain and lead you onward in faith, hope and love: Him.

    Thank you for your words here.

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    1. Anna, thank you! I think of Isaiah 6 often, because it forms the core of the best and most meaningful movie I have ever seen...Brad Pitt's "Fury".

      Here am I...send me.

      I am learning that bearing the pain to the best of my ability...and it's not always as gracefully as I'd like...is simply a duty, and asking 'why" is really irrelevant. It's the job.

      Thank you so much for being here, Anna.

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  8. You are such an example of being present through life's unexpectedness. Thank you for your perspective. -Annie
    annierim.wordpress.com

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    1. Annie, thank you so much! I truly appreciate your presence here, and I heartily recommend to anyone reading this that they visit your blog. You have such grace and wisdom!

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  9. Andrew, so glad to see some new words from you this morning. So sorry to hear about your accident. As if you didn't have enough going on! Wind-blown timber? I mean, really?! Continuing to pray. And look forward to more of your insights.

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    1. Thanks, Teresa...I honestly didn't know if I would be able to write. I'm still having some trouble with focus.

      And, yeah...I did think, really?

      Thank you so much for the prayers. They are truly appreciated.

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  10. Andrew, you truly are an inspiration. Do not apologize for what you cannot do; your words and life speak hope in Christ, and that is all anyone needs.

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    1. Thank you so much, Debbie...I truly appreciate what you've said. It's hard, yes, not to dwell on what can't do...but the losses perhaps sharpen the focus of what's left?

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  11. Andrew, your statement about not wasting your precious PHYSICAL and SPIRITUAL energy looking back at the past because you need all your energy for today resonates with me. I'm not facing the physical challenge you are, but I still need all of the energy I can muster for today: physical, emotional, spiritual. Thank you.

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    1. Betsy, I am so honoured that you found something here that you could use (and I am so glad you're not facing this kind of challenge...right now, believe me...it's the ultimate suck...today was the Land of Awful).

      I pray for you, my friend, that you find in His love and grace that which you need to face each day...like manna, He offers what we can use in the moment.

      Thank you for being here.

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  12. I know your "present" is more imminent than others but honestly? All any of us have is the right now. I sent you an email...

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    1. Susan, again...words fail me at your kindness, beyond a simple and heartfelt Thank You.

      And yeah...when I saw the wood coming and knew it would hit me, I did think, "Honestly? You have got to be JOKING!"

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  13. Your writing flows beautifully here- not awkward at all! And such wisdom- "FAITH IS IN THE HERE AND NOW, DOING MY LEVEL BEST TO DO HIS WILL." I can get caught up far too easily in thinking about the past or the future, but it's true- the present is what really matters. Praying for you and Barbara.

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    1. Carly, thank you...and it is the grace of my present situation that I've learned this, not to late to let it benefit my life.

      I don't regret the time spent looking forward to dreams...they are what pull us into the future, after all...nor reminiscing about the past, for that is our grounding and the sum of the lessons we've learned. But seasons change, and now is the time to ride the tiger, fully alive to the present.

      And fully alive to the pain, heartache, and loneliness that accompany it, because in facing those are found the seeds of endurance.

      Thank you so much for the prayers, and for being here.

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  14. We love you, brither! Your drive and focus to stay present point us all to Jesus. Praying for you... I'm pretty sure the Father is so proud of you for doing your level best... which somehow, even at our worst - is good enough for Him because it's covered and paid for already!

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    1. Karrilee, yes...whatever we do, as long as it's offered to Him, it IS good enough. The debt's been paid on our behalf, and He rejoices in our efforts, those that grow from our faith and love...and hope.

      Love you too, my friend. Thank you for being present with me.

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  15. This statement, Andrew, "now, which still has value," coming from you makes a huge impact. Some day, maybe, you'll know the life of your words. How they impact, inspire, and encourage. In the meantime, faithful soldier, we are like Aaron and Hur, holding you up by ours prayers so the battle may be won.

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    1. June...without the support from this community I would not be able to go on, and that is a fact. These essays...having to face that which I would sometimes prefer to ignore...they can be terribly hard to write, but knowing they find resonance and meaning for others...I'll never quit.

      And that knowing makes me love the work, however hard it may be.

      Thank you so much for the prayers, my friend.

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  16. That last line is pure gold, Andrew! Your post makes me think of Jeremiah 29:11 yet I have a hard time with the line "prosper and not to harm you" when so many are struggling with health etc. Will keep praying as I'm not giving up on you or God. I'm over in the #60 spot this week.

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    1. Tara, those lines did trouble me as well, until I lately learned that the original meaning behind 'prosper' was 'to bring wisdom'.

      And not to harm...well, God isn't harming me. The fallen world is doing an excellent job of that! He offers the help to get me through it, if I'll only accept His offer.

      Thank you so much for the prayers. They are what keep me going, keep me motivated.

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  17. "FAITH IS IN THE HERE AND NOW, DOING MY LEVEL BEST TO DO HIS WILL.

    "Faith and hope and love are only truly found in how we meet the present."

    These two sentences, Andrew, say it all; those two words...FAITH AND HOPE! That is, after all, what we have is the faith that He DOES have our lives in His hands; and hope that He is in our future; He has our future already planned out and we trust Him; have faith in Him; and our Hope IS in Him.

    Continued prayers that as your days go on, your FAITH and HOPE continue to be as strong as today, in the present.

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    1. Barbara, thank you...He truly IS our hope, and when the dross of the world is burned away, our only hope.

      Thank you, truly, for the prayers and support...faith and hope come like manna each day, enough for the moment, and I have learned not to ask for more, but to trust that He will be here tomorrow...and He is always there.

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  18. If God answered prayers according to majority rule you'd be completely healthy now, because so many of us are praying for you. But He thinks He knows better than we do about how to run the universe and, guess what? He's right!

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    1. Oh, Jan you made me smile! I do feel the prayers and love around me.

      And that is part of what makes it all OK, because I can still bear witness to the fact that community really IS everything, that "wherever two or more are gathered in My name, there I am"...that's REAL, and it's the most important gift we can receive.

      Thank you so much for being here!

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  19. Andrew,
    well, and then there's "present". Present yourselves, therefore, as living sacrifices. I didn't contribute to FMF, I might over the weekend but the present is full of semester grading.
    "Faith and hope and love are only truly found in how we meet the present."

    This, though. This was true for whichever set of trials we face. Are we present with others or are we wasting their time and ours? Do we feign attentiveness when we're really somewhere else? What are we missing out on?

    Thankful that you are still "present". I'm imagining all sorts of Bugs Bunny and Yosemite Sam lumps on the head and little birds flying around. Sadly, I'm sure yours isn't as comical.

    Prayers for you this week as always!
    ~Tammy

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    1. Semester grading...well, that's one thing I DON'T miss about teaching!

      Being whacked by a flying piece of wood was actually comical. If you saw, "The Hobbit - An Unexpected Journey", do remember the scene in which the body of the Goblin King fell on the escaping dwarves, and Dwalin exclaimed, "You've got to be JOKING!"

      It was like that.

      And yes, even in the trials, and perhaps most of all then, we need to be attentive. To others, and to the experience, because the lessons of the unwelcome trial can change our hearts.

      Thank you so much for the prayers...and mine are with you for the Trial of Grading.

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  20. Andrew, I always know when I come here I'll get a dose of truth. Thanks for the reminder to be present. And sorry to hear about your concussion. Praying for you, especially the words in Romans 15:13. "May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him"

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    1. Katy, the Scripture you selected is perfect...and very comforting. Thank you!

      The wooziness from the concussion is clearing, slowly. I've had many, and the effect is cumulative. Even with a thick skull like mine!

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  21. Ouch! One of biggest feasr is to get whacked in the head unexpectedly by a branch or piece of metal or some other large object. Who knows why--maybe because I live in a windy place and I don't really enjoy the wind. Although the wind does produce beauty--and that's something I need to be present for and drink in (whilst watching for flying objects).

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    1. Yes, Anita, definitely watch out for the flying stuff...I seem to attract it, whether it's small pieces of supersonic copper-jacketed lead (call me Bullet Magnet), or flying debris, or...a memorable moment...a ten-pound slug of wet concrete dropped from a height of 30 ft. The last felt like it shortened me about an inch.

      And yes, there is beauty in what the wind brings, in the clear-washed sky after a rain. I try not to forget tha...whoa, DUCK!

      Thank you so much for being here!

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  22. Andrew that was a funny story. Actually I whack my head often on some of our trees. I'll go flying by on the lawnmower and bam a branch gets my head or knocks off my sunglasses. Thanks for a laugh and a reminder this morning and maybe even a future funny blog if I can use some humor.

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    1. Deborah, thank you for stopping by and sharing! It was actually quite funny...one of those "You've GOT to be kidding!" moments. I saved the piece of wood, and showed it to my wife today...she was horrified both by its size, and by the fact that I found it funny.

      But if you can't laugh about stuff like that...you've got issues.

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  23. Good word friend... Here and now doing His will! That's what we all need to be focusing on and doing in our living and our dying! Prayers for you and Barbara. Rest my friend and no more timber accidents!

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    1. I will try to avoid Fying Wood, Rachel!

      Thank you so much for the kind words, for stopping by...and most especially for the prayers. This is a bad night, and we need them.

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  24. "Faith and hope and love are only truly found in how we meet the present." Such wisdom in these words, Andrew, honed as they are in the furnace of affliction. Yes, you are here. You are as present as you can be. And your faith-filed presence is a real gift of grace and a present we unwrap each time we read your wrung out words.
    I always come away better for having spent time here. You offer much to ponder on. I've been challenged to be more fully engaged and present to my loved ones recently. It's in those moments we really live out love and faith, isn't it? Continuing to hold you both in my prayers. May you know the penetration of God's presence making a difference to your days. And please try to avoid having any more accidents. Your load is heavy enough without getting yourself concussed!

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  25. Oh my goodness, Andrew! You don't need timber hitting you in the head, for heaven's sake! You are one beat up soldier, are you not? But yet you show up here through and through--offering us wisdom and courage to meet the challenges of our lives here and now. Yes, faith in the moment is so very important to keep in focus for you and all of us! Thanks for always bringing something profound to our days, my friend! And steer clear of that "wind and wood" out your way, will ya?! Prayers are always being offered!

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