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Sunday, January 31, 2016

Your Dying Spouse 113 - Time To Pray

What do you pray for, as a caregiver, or a terminally ill patient?

There are some "no, duh?" answers...like HEALING, NOW!

Or the boon of an easy death.

But it can be surprisingly hard to be specific...fortunately, we have a context in which we can find the specificity we need.

It's called...wait for it...The Lord's Prayer.

Let's walk through it.

Our Father, which art in Heaven...

This sets the relationship...caregiver and patient, we are God's children, and He cares...very much...what happens to us.

He's all-powerful, yes, but the relationship...and His love...do not preclude bad things happening. An earthly father has to let his children make mistakes, and sometimes, wilfully, damage their lives...and bad things can simply happen, through accident or by evil design. The only way the earthly father can prevent them is to bar the door, and prevent growth...and that's not what being a father is all about.

So too...and more so...with God, because His responsibility is to make us fit to be citizens of Heaven.

...hallowed be Thy name...

God is holy, but this is not a put-down for us, because the seeds of holiness are within us, too. We won't achieve anything like it in this life (contrary to what a certain pastor recently said about living a 'holier life than 95% of the people out there'...he fragged himself with pride, that one did).

Terminal illness can water those seeds, for caregiver and patient...if it's allowed to. Saying 'adversity builds character' is a cliche, and enough adversity can tear it down. It has for me.

But what it can help grow is intentionality...the intentionality of compassion, and endurance, and faith. Those decisions are taken in every moment, and the fires of a situation that really sucks can temper the steel of our hearts.

...Thy kingdom come, Thy will be done on Earth as it is in Heaven...

One day this world's going to pass away, and we'll wonder what all the fuss is about. His kingdom is coming...but in the meantime, His will for what's happening here is a reflection of what's happening in Heaven.

That sounds loony, doesn't it? There's so much that's simply awful in the world...how can it be the will of a merciful God?

How did He let it come to this?

Free will, that's how. We have to choose Him for our growth, as His children to have any meaning...and that means that He can't pull strings, because people don't dance to the strings...puppets do.

His will here is a reflection of Heaven because all that's terrible around us is loudly and decisively put right there...and we will know the contrast.

...give us this day our daily bread...

The Israelites wandering in their Sinai-circles got enough food for each day, and they had to trust that it would be supplied tomorrow.

Facing terminal illness, we've got to do the same thing. The coping today is enough; we can't predict what tomorrow will bring, and sometimes it's better we don't know, because now is what we really have...to care, to enjoy, to love.

...and forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us...

When time is short, forgive. Your sin-debt's been paid...and even if you backslide, it's still paid, as long a you recognize it as sins and try to stay out of the cesspool.

Every marriage has areas of resentment and unforgiveness. Try to say goodbye with as many of those dark corners lit up by the lights of forgiveness and love. You'll regret it if you don't, and be very glad if you do.

...and lead us not into temptation...

There are huge temptations when facing death-by-illness. Both caregiver and patient are tempted to bitterness, anger, resentment...often against God.

The emotions are natural, but they're still harmful, and they come from the worst part of our being.

Even when it hurts, we've got to fight them...and we've got to look Up while fighting, to have some sort of idea of what we want to be.

...but deliver us from evil...

Evil can come in some pretty unpleasant forms, for both caregiver and patient.

For the patient, it can mean acting out in anger against the person who's closest...the caregiving spouse, out of a sense of entitlement to 'vent'.

Sure, we can vent...but we're not entitled to hurt.

Temptation may be there.

Evil is acting on it.

...Amen.

And that's how you pray, when your world is slowly falling apart.

If you can.please do leave a comment. I am trying to answer all, and I am failing, but please know this - I read and treasure each one.

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24 comments:

  1. Amen, Brother! Life is terminal--some people just realize it sooner than others. Your advice, therefore, is pertinant to all of us. Thank you for sharing!

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    1. Anita, thank you! It is indeed terminal for us all...and in a way I am glad that my 'end times' are coming in such a way that I can realize where I had been wrong in the past, and see vistas I never imagined.

      Thank you so much for being here!

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  2. Excellent post, Andrew! Your break down of the Lord's Prayer can certainly apply to all of us! Thank you!

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    1. Thank you so much, Lisa!

      I really appreciate your visiting us today.

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  3. What an important post, Andrew. Yes, you are a theologian at heart ...

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    1. Oh, Linda, thank you! You made my evening!

      I always DID want to be C.S. Lewis when I grew up...well, IF I ever grew up...

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  4. I do love using the Lord's prayer as a template for thinking about God. I agree with Linda -- you have the heart of a theologian!

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    1. Thank you so much, Michele!

      The heart of a theologian...I like that. I sure don't LOOK like one.

      I so appreciate your being here!

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  5. I say the Lord's Prayer several times a week because it is so relevant to the here and now, as well as giving hope for the then and later. You laid it out beautifully, Andrew. Love getting your perspective, as always.

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    1. Thanks so much, Lisa. I say it often...several times a day, now. And for some reason, when I close my eyes, I visualize the words when praying. Weird, eh?

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  6. Thank you for your perspective. It's always enlightening. Praying for you, my friend!

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    1. Thanks, Rachel! And thank you, especially, for the prayers.

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  7. Andrew,
    can you get any better than this? Really. I'm almost speechless at the wisdom here. And, evidently not the only one, based on the lengthy comments you're fielding this week. Ha!

    It's perspective. When we are looking at God and His purpose and His plan and His will, "the things of Earth will grow strangely dim in the light of His glory and grace."
    Mostly, I am encouraged by your recent passion for forgiveness and love and reconciliation. I can only imagine what wondrous new pages in your book with Barbara are unfolding right now as God is revealing His heart in you and through you! Your relationship is blooming and budding and blossoming and so fragrant and lovely to behold! Hurrah for February and celebrating love, but truly, so excited for the depth of care and love pouring out for her in your writing as of late.
    Many blessings to you both!
    ~Tammy
    (recent epiphany for me-1 John 4 states "God is love." Then, go to 1 Corinthians 13 and read the chapter with the name of God instead of the word "love". I'd never heard that before!)

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    1. Tammy, thank you so much...I truly, truly appreciate and love what you've said here (and am on my way to Corinthians right now!).

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  8. Beautiful, Andrew, simply beautiful! I'll be saving this one!!! You are so right-on, as you most always are!! My friend, you are just full of inspiration, now as ever! Thank you for sharing; for always inspiring...prayers continue, as I lift you up at our prayer meetings, and in church and well, even in today's Simple Woman's Daybook...

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    1. Barbara, thank you so very, very much. I had hoped that this post would go over well.

      And I truly appreciate your prayers, and the prayer chain. That means a LOT to us.

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  9. Teach us to pray, Master...Our Father who is in heaven.... these words are enough because He is more than enough! xo to Barb too.

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    1. Yes, Susan...exactly.

      XO back, from both of us.

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  10. I love the way you've dissected the Lord's prayer here, Andrew. And these words, "The coping today is enough; we can't predict what tomorrow will bring, and sometimes it's better we don't know, because now is what we really have...to care, to enjoy, to love." I'm quite guilty of looking ahead and this just reminds me of the value of right now...even if it doesn't look the way we thought it would. Thank you for sharing with us.

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    1. I know what you mean, Tiffany...I spent so much time looking ahead in the past, but now that there's no real 'ahead', I find that there are treasures all around me.

      Thank you so much for being here!

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  11. Thanks so much, Marie...I'd be very interested to hear your thoughts, after you've had time to think about it?

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  12. I love this! A couple of years ago I had the chance to talk to this guy who was known for being an "expert" in prayer. I asked him how I should pray for my friend who struggles with mental illness, and who I had been praying for seriously and regularly for 4 years. I was getting tired and it felt like my prayers were not making any difference. He said I should pray the Lord's Prayer for her each day.
    At first I was disappointed by his answer- it didn't seem like enough- but as I thought about it and broke it down to consider each part of the prayer as you did, I realised it does cover it all.
    I love that Jesus gave us words we can pray when we have no idea what to say or how to keep praying.

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    1. Thank you for sharing that, Carly...I went through something similar in facing the Lord's Prayer. It took me far too long to realize that Jesus was indeed making it simple - but complete - for us.

      Thank you so much for being here!

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  13. A decided 'yes' to this word on adversity: "it can help grow is intentionality...the intentionality of compassion, and endurance, and faith. Those decisions are taken in every moment, and the fires of a situation that really sucks can temper the steel of our hearts."
    Andrew, I'm in awe at the wisdom and understanding you reveal here. Praying with the Lord's Prayer as our template can be a formulaic thing, but you put it into a whole new realm with your reflections. I have to agree with comments above which see you as a theologian at heart, dressed in deep compassion, wisdom and grace as well as wearing rags of sickness. I learn something new every time I stop by. You keep on giving in your weakness and it is so inspiring and humbling to witness. Thank you.

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