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Thursday, June 29, 2017

Your Dying Spouse 330 - This Is How You Do It {FMF}

Maybe the title should be "this is how I do it"; I've had a lot of people say that they don't understand how I can keep functioning effectively with increasing levels of pain and debility (as in, fatigue and incontinence), and even more...how I can maintain a positive attitude.

So I'll let you in on some of the secrets. And you can take advantage of this SPECIAL OFFER to buy the DVD for just...

Oh, shut up, salesman-me. There's no DVD.

But there are some books...

Oh, shut up!

Will the salesman stay quiet?..let's hope so. I do have a roll of duct tape handy.

And, oh yes, this is written for Five Minute Friday, over the span of a few days (which included being bitten by a brown recluse), so please excuse the somewhat choppy tone...and I will work in the keyword if I can, when it's announced. (The word's BLESSING. It's there.)

Where were we? Oh, yes. the secrets to dealing effectively with a hopeless situation:

  • Embrace the horror...that's a cool line from the 1998 Bruce Willis movie Armageddon, and I couldn't resist. But seriously, not saying cancer is not going to make it go away. Ascribing a new symptom that falls within your diagnosis to something more benign (like allergies) is not going to halt the progress of the disease. You'll have to face it some time; do it now and have some energy saved for fighting back.
  • Get comfortable with discomfort. Ever wonder how seals learn to balance a beach ball on their nose...uh, wait, wrong analogy. Ever wonder how NAVY SEALS can do cool ninja stuff under the worst conditions? It's simple; their training is done on a schedule, and not according to the weather or making allowance for injuries. If the job has to be done, it gets done, no excuses. They have to get comfortable with extreme discomfort. Same thing here. I don't seek to make myself 'comfortable' beyond certain limits, because it degrades the edge I need. For example, I very rarely use a chair, and sit instead on the floor...and I sleep on an ottoman whose cushion is perished, so it'a like sleeping on a pallet that's missing a few boards. Accepting chosen discomfort without complaint makes it easier to face the pain of the illness that happened to me.
  • No whining...OK, limited whining. I do allow myself to say, "This hurts!" or "This is scary!" It does hurt and it is scary, but what's saying it going to do for me? Nothing. Some doctor once said "you are what you eat" (having eaten bugs and snakes and worse, I don't like that). I have a better one...you are what you say. Whine, and you can be a victim. Any takers? Didn't think so.
  • No downbeat media, so cancel that Ingmar Bergman film fest you've been planning for the next three-day weekend. Roll with Adam Sandler instead. May I recommend Anger Management?
  • Perspective pays off. Sure, I'm dying, and it's going to get nasty...it's starting to get even nastier than I ever thought it would. But hey...I have a dry place to sleep, adequate food, entertainment, work that gives me purpose (this blog), and most of all the love of my wife, my dogs, and all of you out there in Internet-land. And no one is trying to kill me; no one is taking pleasure in my pain. There are a whole lot of people in the world who can't say any of that. How can I be so gauche as to complain about my lot?
  • Push past physical limits. If pain demands that you walk a mile with him, go for two...seriously, do more than you have to, so that you know that tomorrow you'll have the confidence to achieve the 'minimum'.
  • Set short-term goals; don't look at the Big Picture. Today my goals were feeding the dogs without collapsing, and then taking a rest whilst trying not to pass out while smoking a cigar. If I can do any writing the first goal will be to bring up Word, and type a paragraph. If I can do more, fine. But if I only do the paragraph, I have achieved my goal.
  • Plan for the future; having a personal stake in tomorrow, something you really want to accomplish, that gives you the hook that can pull you through a deadly today. Make the future your magnet, and let it draw you through today's Slough Of Despond (with a nod to John Bunyan, there).
  • Did you catch the words 'hopeless situation' above? Well, you've got to have hope. Not the "my healing miracle is just around the corner because I discovered the secret code to effective prayer!" kind, but the hope that's rooted in the conviction that all of what is happening can be turned to a better and higher purpose. You don't, like Job, 'get double for your trouble';  you get the opportunity to witness God's presence in your life, and the fact that if you trust Him to get you through each day, He will.
  • Count your blessings. You have more of them that you ever thought possible.
See how simple it is? There's no 'secret sauce'; I'm no braver than you are, and my faith is probably more fragmented than yours.

If I can get through this with head high and self-respect intact, anyone can.

The musical theme today is the very first music video ever aired on MTV...The Buggles' Video Killed The Radio Star. Enjoy some New Wave without shame!



Still hoping to get the new and improved version of Blessed Are The Pure Of Heart up and running in the near future. Just haven't had the energy to do it yet...but if you would like to read it, please say so in your comment and I'd be glad to send you a PDF (which should fit your Kindle).

I have another blog, "Starting The Day With Grace". The focus is a grace quote from someone you might not expect (like, say Mick Jagger) and a short commentary. I hope you'll join me.



Marley update... been moved to a sanctuary, and Bay County will revise their 'dangerous dog' codes.

WE MADE A DIFFERENCE!

And marley has a Facebook page! Please drop by to see how happy he is today.


If you can, please do leave a comment. I am trying to answer all, and I am failing, but please know this - I read and treasure each one.

Below are my recent releases on Kindle -please excuse their presence in the body of the blog. I haven't the energy to get them up as 'buttons' in the sidebar. You can click on the covers to go to the Amazon links.









45 comments:

  1. That's the new Andrew: always looking on the bright side.

    And how well you are living out Mark 8:34-36!!
    "Then he called the crowd to him along with his disciples and said: “Whoever wants to be my disciple must deny themselves and take up their cross and follow me. 35 For whoever wants to save their life will lose it, but whoever loses their life for me and for the gospel will save it. What good is it for someone to gain the whole world, yet forfeit their soul?"

    Blessings on you, dear friend!!
    Love,
    Tammy

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    1. Tammy, thank you so much for this lovely comment and Scripture, and please pardon my delay in replying. A run of very bad days.

      Love and blessings back, from all here!

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  2. Great advice, Andrew! I've enver thought about how whining makes one a victim...but it's so true! Praying that you recover from your spider bite soon!

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    1. Thank you so much, Anita, and please excuse my tardiness in responding. The spider bite is perhaps turning the corner. It was much worse than I thought it would be.

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  3. I love your sense of humour, Andrew and your humbleness to lay it all out truthfully and honestly even though it pains you! Thank you for the remindere to count my blessings, need to hear this often! Prayers friend!

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    1. Thank you so much for the prayers, Bonnie, and please excuse the late reply. The past few days have been trying.

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  4. There is really something holy in counting our blessings! You are such a blessing brother! I'm in the 11 spot this week.

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    1. You're so right, Tara...counting blessings is holy work. And please pardon my delayed response. Rough days.

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  5. Andrew, amazing as always. I love how you shared what's helped you to live well through the disease you're fighting. I hear so much of the necessity of setting your mind on certain things. And protecting your mind from negative things. You are so intentional about remaining disciplined. I've heard it over and over in our conversations and your comments online. I understand better, now, why that is so important. I so appreciate how you put truth right out there. Seeing your heart become open as you've walked this path has been inspiring. Continue walking out your days well, my amazing friend. I'm continuing to pray for you.

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    1. Jeanne, all I can is thank you so very much; your words mean the world to me, especially after the last few truly dreadful days (and for the late response, I apologise).

      I so appreciate the prayers!

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  6. Thank you for sharing how you do it. And thank you for reminding us to count our blessings through the pains of life.

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    1. Rachel, thank you for this, and for being here...and please pardon the tardiness of my reply.

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  7. "You are what you say" <--- BOOM. Thank you for your perspective, Andrew. I love how the word blessing was already there before it was announced as this week's word! Sending much support to you from Florida.

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    1. Paula, thank you so much for this, and for the Floridian Support (I used to live in St.Pete). And please pardon my lateness in replying; it has been a very difficult few days here.

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  8. Thanks for sharing, Andrew. In her book On Living, chaplain Kerry Egan says that "the dying" aren't a different kind of person from the rest of us; they're just doing something we haven't done yet. Thanks for showing us how you do it.

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    1. Jeannie, what Kerry Egan said is EXACTLY right. Thank you for bringing this to the conversation...and please pardon my tardy reply. I've had a few really bad days here.

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  9. Good stuff! Thanks for sharing. Glad to see you have kept your sense of humor. blessings and peace to you!

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    1. Thanks so much, Leigh, and please excuse the late reply...blessings and peace to you in return!

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  10. Andrew, I'm always blessed with smiles when I come over here. So glad to visit and you had me rolling on the floor at "cancel the Ingmar Bergman videos." LOL!! Sending hugs. Thank you for a gigantic smile today!

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    1. Carolina, thank you so very, very much...and I'm glad I gave you a smile. And please pardon the lateness of this reply; bad days here.

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  11. This is great, Andrew. I always find your words inspiring and these pieces of advice are brilliant. The attitude we choose can make such a difference whatever our circumstances.

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    1. Lesley, thank you...I really appreciate your words, and I am sorry for the lateness of my reply. It has been rough.

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  12. My favorite truth that you shared in this post was that you are what you say. I am going to share that with my kids. Oh, but if I share this with my kids, they are going to hold me accountable for it too. But that works, Mom needs to be held accountable for my words too. Thank you for the encouragement! -Jolene

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    1. Jolene, you just made my day...that you're going to share this with your kids...for me, that's awesome, especially because I don't have children. It means a lot.

      Please pardon the delay in this response; these have been hard days.

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  13. You are something else my friend! Humor amid the struggle, so necessary isn't it? I don't know what is funnier, the salesman or the seal. Writing today at mywritingplayground.com #47 in the link up. Maybe tomorrow I'll have time to figure out how to connect mailchimp...I'm still working on cleaning up the email mess. But I'm smiling today instead of crying and that's a plus right?

    How can I not be inspired by this post?

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    1. Christy, thank you so much, and please pardon my delay in replying. Had some really truly awful days.

      And far better to smile than cry! God bless, dear brave heart.

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  14. This post is so inspiring I'm going to save it.

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    1. Jan, I have no words but thank you, and no thought but humble gratitude.

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  15. Ah, Andrew. Your wisdom and you snark. You are a blessing to all of us. You model for us just what it is to "embrace the horror." I believe that your faith is stronger than you realize and that God graces you with more of it each day. - Marie

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    1. Marie, thank you so much...your words do me great honour, and I truly appreciate them. It is truly all in God's hands now. Please forgive my late reply; these have been hard days.

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  16. Andrew,
    YOU are a blessing to me! Love your humor and your brokenness and raw reality. GK Chesterton said "A sane man holds tragedy in his heart and comedy in his head". Taking a break from writing right now.

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    1. Mary, please excuse my tardy reply, and thank you so much for the Chesterton quote...it's great! Looking forward to seeing you back at FMF after your break.

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  17. Andrew,
    I'm thankful for your humor...and your words on "how to do it." "It" is called living. and you are showing me how to live within the life you've given. Humor. Not running from reality. Counting blessings. And choosing to not be a whiner.
    Thank you for writing.

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    1. Cheryl, I'm so grateful for this...much of what I have, I've learned here, in the FMF community. Thanks so much for being here, and please forgive my delay in responding.

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  18. Andrew, you are a bright lighthouse. Keep shining. May God become more and more real to you. Blessings upon blessings!

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    1. Mari-Anna, thank you! I will, by God's grace, keep shining His ever-brightening reality to those around me. It's the job I have grown to love. And please pardon the late reply; hard days recently.

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  19. I have never thought of pain like that: the uncomfortable helping us to be grateful for what comfort we do have, a training ground, persay. Your bug comment made me LOL;) I love your wisdom, Andrew. Thank you for opening up your journey to us.

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    1. Christina, that's a really good way of putting it...pain as a training ground. Thank you for this, and please pardon my delay in replying.

      I'm so grateful for your words, and for your presence here.

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  20. This is so good!! Andrew, I love how you've perfected the balance of writing to both entertain and educate. Not sure if that is your intent, but I found this to be both funny and wise. You made me laugh, and then you dropped a nugget of wisdom... wow! Hope you have grasped how truly special this gift is.

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    1. Tondra, thank you! I am finding that there is a good bit of humour hiding in the thickets of pain, and if this can all be educational...I'm honoured.

      Thank you so much for being here, and please pardon my late reply.

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  21. Found your blog through Kate's Five Minute Friday. Thank you for sharing your journey with us. I'll keep you in my prayers. You are a blessing to others in many ways! www.dianeweidenbenner.com

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    1. Diane, I'm so glad you're here, and I hope you will pardon my delayed response. I truly appreciate your kind words, and most especially your prayers.

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  22. andrew, sometimes i just have to laugh when i read your sort of dark posts. i don't take them as dark. i think they are rather hopeful in many ways...and very realistic. but i did laugh at the first point you made. Embrace the horror! there is a lot of truth in that one for sure! your list is not one i have usually found but it is quite practical for sure! blessings again. and a happy 4th of July as well!

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    1. Martha, I'm so glad that I could give you a laugh! The pain's no fun, but the journey itself really isn't dark. I've learned so much about life and love and God...things I would not have learned on another road.

      Please pardon my slow response (hard days!), and as I write this on the 4th, I hope that your Independence Day is a blessing to you!

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  23. I love, love, love your perspective, Andrew. This was a difficult week for us, not because of illness but because of homesickness. Darkness is darkness, isn't it? Have you seen The Lego Movie yet? Imagine me singing the "Darkness" song with Batman's husky voice. "Darkness, no parents, black-out windows." Haha.

    It took me two full days to write my post this week (I'm all the way back in #89 position). People don't need to read about my darkness - they need to know how to deal with their own darkness. I hope they find that in my post this week.
    That's what I love about your writing, Andrew! You always show us how to get out of the pit. Thanks for sharing your courage.

    Sterkte, my friend! (Afrikaans for "Strength to you.")

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