I started off writing this journey with a lot of chest-beating defiance, and while it was necessary at the time (and undoubtedly helped me to outlive the prognposis by many years), it kinda makes me cringe now.
One can call up and animate all sorts of 'fighting' metaphors, but they blind one to an esential truth.
You've got to hit bottom before you can start going up.
You've got to fall, and not rise.
You've got to admit to a despair too deep for words, and too wide to cross.
Unless, of course, Someone takes your broken heart, and builds from it a bridge.
There's only one catch.
You have to let Him.
In this long hard fatal fall
I've covered lots of ground.
From defiance, when I knew it all
to a void without a sound.
In all of this I held me close
with arms clenched firm and tight,
until, at last, I finally chose
to open them to the Light.
It seemed unmanly, this despair,
this abject hurting wail,
but God smiled, and cleared the air,
and told me a holy tale.
"With all you've gone through,
you've lost hope, so may I hope for you?"
For music, Abba's Waterloo seems somehow weirdly appropriate, both for the song and for the name of the band.
Thanks to Carol Ashby, Blessed Are The Pure Of Heart is back on Kindle, and will be available in paperback soon.
Friends are everything. I couldn't have done it.
Below are my recent releases on Kindle -please excuse their presence in the body of the blog. I haven't the energy to get them up as 'buttons' in the sidebar. You can click on the covers to go to the Amazon links.