She's also exhausted because I had a bit of a bleeding problem yesterday, and...well, if you remember Eddie Murphy in Daddy Day Care...the "I missed!" scene...
And before you ask, yes, I do think pretty much everything's a joke.
So this will be short; pain is like something out of a horror movie, and there's absolutely no way to relieve it. It's grotesque, and sometimes (this is new) I wish it would just end. But each time I fall I rise, and God apparently still has things for me to do. (For those dropping in for the first time, pancreatic cancer and, apparently, non-H lymphoma. Lymph nodes under the arms are awful, and I'm doing a Moses, supported by Sylvia and Ladron rather than Aaron and Hur.)
Barb suggested I talk about how I felt about her doing her brother's taxes...glad for her involvement and family, or in a way sad, seeing life sailing by while I wait on an island of pain for the rising tide to drown me?
Easy. Glad, not sad. Barb needs a life that reaches into her future, and it's a future I won't share. She needs family, and involvement. I love her, and want that for her, and it has to be ongoing. She can't just begin that kind of thing after I die; she has to be doing it now, so there is a support system, and a community of which she is already a part.
No reason for sadness; I am so far past being taken up in the tragedy of the thing. Each moment, painful as it may be, and bloody, is still a gift from God. When I walk outside, I know that I may collapse and die, so I savour the sunshine. I love my life more now than ever.
And I'm so impressed with the way Barb handled the taxes!
I'm trying to get her to find sponsorship to train for and then go on a guided expedition to Everest. It's expensive and physically challenging...but if she can do Indiana business taxes, that lady can do ANYTHING.
It'll take a couple of years; and when I am like a golden cloud upon the wind, I shall be waiting for her at the summit.
Music from The Dirges, with Better Days. If you want to know me, please listen to the song. I dare you not to dance!
Please pardon my slow response to comments. I do my best, and your comments are really precious to me.
I'm grateful for the energy to have written this. I'm so glad Barbara's stepped in. I'm really not doing well at all.
Thanks to Carol Ashby, Blessed Are The Pure Of Heart is back on Kindle, and will be available in paperback in a few days!
Friends are everything. I couldn't have done it.
Marley update... been moved to a sanctuary, and Bay County will revise their 'dangerous dog' codes.
If you can, please do leave a comment. I am trying to answer all, and I am failing, but please know this - I read and treasure each one.
Below are my recent releases on Kindle -please excuse their presence in the body of the blog. I haven't the energy to get them up as 'buttons' in the sidebar. You can click on the covers to go to the Amazon links.