She's also exhausted because I had a bit of a bleeding problem yesterday, and...well, if you remember Eddie Murphy in Daddy Day Care...the "I missed!" scene...
And before you ask, yes, I do think pretty much everything's a joke.
So this will be short; pain is like something out of a horror movie, and there's absolutely no way to relieve it. It's grotesque, and sometimes (this is new) I wish it would just end. But each time I fall I rise, and God apparently still has things for me to do. (For those dropping in for the first time, pancreatic cancer and, apparently, non-H lymphoma. Lymph nodes under the arms are awful, and I'm doing a Moses, supported by Sylvia and Ladron rather than Aaron and Hur.)
Barb suggested I talk about how I felt about her doing her brother's taxes...glad for her involvement and family, or in a way sad, seeing life sailing by while I wait on an island of pain for the rising tide to drown me?
Easy. Glad, not sad. Barb needs a life that reaches into her future, and it's a future I won't share. She needs family, and involvement. I love her, and want that for her, and it has to be ongoing. She can't just begin that kind of thing after I die; she has to be doing it now, so there is a support system, and a community of which she is already a part.
No reason for sadness; I am so far past being taken up in the tragedy of the thing. Each moment, painful as it may be, and bloody, is still a gift from God. When I walk outside, I know that I may collapse and die, so I savour the sunshine. I love my life more now than ever.
And I'm so impressed with the way Barb handled the taxes!
I'm trying to get her to find sponsorship to train for and then go on a guided expedition to Everest. It's expensive and physically challenging...but if she can do Indiana business taxes, that lady can do ANYTHING.
It'll take a couple of years; and when I am like a golden cloud upon the wind, I shall be waiting for her at the summit.
Music from The Dirges, with Better Days. If you want to know me, please listen to the song. I dare you not to dance!
Please pardon my slow response to comments. I do my best, and your comments are really precious to me.
I'm grateful for the energy to have written this. I'm so glad Barbara's stepped in. I'm really not doing well at all.
Thanks to Carol Ashby, Blessed Are The Pure Of Heart is back on Kindle, and will be available in paperback in a few days!
Friends are everything. I couldn't have done it.
Marley update... been moved to a sanctuary, and Bay County will revise their 'dangerous dog' codes.
WE MADE A DIFFERENCE!
And marley has a Facebook page! Please drop by to see how happy he is today.
If you can, please do leave a comment. I am trying to answer all, and I am failing, but please know this - I read and treasure each one.
Below are my recent releases on Kindle -please excuse their presence in the body of the blog. I haven't the energy to get them up as 'buttons' in the sidebar. You can click on the covers to go to the Amazon links.
ah Andrew, I can't answer your question...but kudos. Support your lady... help her to reach for the clouds she needs to reach with the support granted her here on earth. Go well.
ReplyDeleteAnnette, thank you so much. I will be behind her all the way.
DeleteAndrew it is so good to hear from you again. Thanks for introducing me to the song, I don't think I have heard it before.
ReplyDeleteBeing from Indiana, I'm not sure how our business taxes differ from those in other states, but since I have never done them I will take your word for it.
Sorry you must endure so much pain, it must be a huge task He has in store for you, so rest up and get ready for it, I guess.
I have no experience with raising money online, so can't help with your question. I found myself wondering if this was something Barb actually wants to do as I can't imagine doing it myself. Just know that you and Barb are in my prayers.
Karen, thank you for this thoughtful and insightful comment...Barb said that the Federal ta forms were actually worse than Indiana's, but the latter made me quail.
DeleteYou raise a good question - is Everest what B really wants? It's hard to speak for another, but I know that she she has done things in the Outdoors that are beyond me, and that something like Everest is not part of my own agenda, and never has been.
I'll support her in whatever she wants to do, and if a part of her wants the highest mountain on Earth, we'll find a way.
Andrew, I know writing today was huge physical challenge. Also, your aspirations for me have always been beyond the stratosphere of some of my physical limitations. So, for now let's keep the aspirations within reach and in the USA or Canada.
ReplyDeleteI will see Everest someday, from a much better perspective and hopefully God will have ways to keep me from freezing body parts off. 😂.
Barbara, yes...but I've always known that you had more in you than you ever thought.
DeleteGo for Denali first...and then, if you want Everest, I will be here for you. I know that you can do it, if that's your choice.
It's not the altitude, it's the attitude. And you have that in spades.
Barb, I could have benefited by you yesterday as I did our taxes. No Mt Everest experience but if you piled as many pennies as we owed - there would be a run on height for sure. UGHly. As far as Andrew goes - he says not to be sad. So, okay, brother instead I danced and raised a glass. xo
ReplyDeleteSusan, thank you so much for raising that glass!
Delete{{{xoxoxoWaggyWaggyWOOF}}}
Love the song, Andrew! Yes, let's forget the past and celebrate each breath. Thank you for reminding us life is a gift...especially with this: "When I walk outside, I know that I may collapse and die, so I savour the sunshine. I love my life more now than ever." I was thinking that looking at the sun stream down through the mist this morning- I said to myself- just stop a minute and cherish this moment...and stop stressing so much. So, your beautiful words just affirm that need to slow and cherish. Thank you for blessing us all from the excruciatingly hard place you're in. Praying for relief from the pain today. And kudos to Barbara on the tax return!
ReplyDeleteSounds like Barbara has other ideas about Everest, so I won't chime in there 😆.
Anna, thank you so much for this...the whole road has really been a blessing way. I wouldn't trade it.
DeleteThanks so much for the prayers, and kudos are passed on to Barbara!
I shall support the climbing of Denali though I admit a bit of a bias because I was born in Alaska and know its beauty. But i also agree with your dreaming big things for Barb. Places for her to continue to fight the obstacles and see progress as the minutes come and go.
ReplyDeleteYou are both so dear to me. I am grateful for this community bringing ohr footsteps near together.
God bless Barb doing taxes. I have taken my small offering to a specialist and paid a large sum for 15 minutes. I knlw that personal and business taxes are a mount not to be scoffed at. A head for numbers and complicated political jargon is a good skill to have. Barbs got some good skills in her arsenal.
Good to read your take on the past week. I am sorry that the pain continues...but glad you are still among us and literally beig upheld by your dear companions
Janel (www.viepourcettetemp.wordpress.com)
Janel, Alaska is a very special place for Barb - she has a picture she took of Denali prominently displayed in her office. And we have a Husky named Denali!
DeleteBarb is really skilled with numbers...her diligence really impressed me.
Thank you so much for your prayers, and for being here!
I was talking with friends about needing to start pursuing the next phase. In our case, it's with growing toddlers at home, but that idea of living in this moment while planning for the future is something we're grappling with over here. Prayers for Barb as she starts to think about this next phase.... As for Everest? Well, I told Frank if I die before him he has to take a trip to Antarctica for me, so I kinda get where you're coming from. ;)
ReplyDeleteAnnie, thank you for this...the perspective of having to plan for a very different phase while enjoying the moment's so hard sometimes.
DeleteAntarctica! That would be a GREAT place to go.
i think the though is nice re plan for Barb after you pass on andrew:) i'll be she will do fine making plans for herself tho'. it will be a rocky time for awhile after. as you said, she is a very capable woman and she will be able to manage ok.
ReplyDeleteMartha, you are right - she will do OK, but I'll do whatever I can to make it easier. Not to take over - but to make her way smoother, if that makes sense.
DeleteAndrew, I love your perspective. It's sound and uplifting.
ReplyDeleteLoved the scene from Daddy Day Care. I can only imagine Barb with big eyes when she got home. For that, I am sorry. For both of you having to endure that the other day.
I'm glad Barb chimed in on her desires regarding Everest. I imagine a trek like that takes as much mental preparedness as physical. You are good to see her strengths. Denali sounds like a great place to begin. Or maybe even Whitney. ;)
You are both in my thoughts and pryaers!
Ummm, that would be "prayers." ;) My brain is faster than my fingers.
DeleteJeanne, thank you so much...and that scene was indeed a natural for what really happened.
DeleteBarb really loves Alaska, and has a picture of Denali - that she took - in her office.
We so appreciate the prayers! (Or pryaers? I like that word!)
Did you really have wicked ways? That's hard (but fun) to imagine.
ReplyDeleteOf course I'm praying, as always.
Jan, I have my secrets, and I'll never tell...mainly because to do so would be so boringly mundane.
DeleteThank you so much for the prayers! very much needed as I write this.
Glad for Sylvia and Ladron. Wow! They're so faithful. Whatever are Barb's dreams, I hope they all come true. Alwqys happy to read your blog posts. You're such an original! Still praying.
ReplyDeleteMy dear friend, Norma, yes, Syl and Ladron are terrific...and bossy. If I'm not supposed to go outside, they make sure I don't.
DeleteI hope Barb's dreams come true, too. Thank you so much for the lovely words, and the prayers.
Please go to Everest, Barb, if that will be good for your heart and soul. Love to you both.
ReplyDeletePaula, I suspect she'll be there sooner than she thinks. I only wish I might be alive to see it.
DeleteAndrew,
ReplyDeletewelcome back. I haven't been keeping up very well this year with FMF, but I do visit from time to time.
This idea of each day being a gift. Yes. This is where we so often get discouraged or lose perspective. We forget that even being alive and conscious is something others no longer have.
So glad for all the blessings on your home. It's fun to see your Facebook updates as well as read your posts here.
And, that was an unexpected joyful moment to recall that movie. As adults we return to the basics from which we began. Though I cringe at your pain and inability to control that which you used to be in control of, I laugh with you at the things that aren't as important as they once were. The Andrew from three years ago would hardly admit nor laugh at such vulnerability. Now, completely transparent, you are able to reveal God's hand in all of it. It is all for His glory and you shine well, my friend.
Blessings to you both.
Love,
Tammy
Tammy, it's so good to see you here...and thank you for your kind and loving words. We're so grateful for you.
DeleteLove back, from all of us.
So great to read from you again, Andrew! Sorry to hear that the pain is getting worse.
ReplyDeleteYour wife sounds like a super hero, what a great gift to your life! And yes, doing the taxes can be like the Everest, I would rather go to the Bahamas as a treat afterwards... :)
Prayers coming your way!
Katha, she is indeed a superhero, and a gift. And she's so good at taxes.
DeleteBut after Everest, I think she'd want to unwind in her favourite place...Alaska. Brrrr.
Thanks so much for being here.
Andrew,
ReplyDeleteI think it's your humor that keeps you going. A merry heart does good like a medicine, right? I wish it would take the pain though. I could never do taxes. Kudos to Barbara! Prayers for you all!
Mary, you're absolute;y right...humour gets me through the days, and laughter is indeed the best medicine.
DeletePrayers are so appreciated!
You could totally do it Barb! I climbed Estes Cone in Colorado last summer. I was so surprised and determined. I got so close to the top. Continuing to pray for you both. I'm in the 39 spot this week.
ReplyDeleteThank you so much for this encouragement, Tara. Barb can totally do this...or anything she sets her mind to.
DeleteWe truly appreciate the prayers.
thank you for that song! better days are indeed ahead of us all. memories of brighter days and hope for the best yet ahead make the boulders of today small enough to dance over. praying strength for both of you as you cross this rough terrain.
ReplyDeleteSo glad you enjoyed the song, Jennifer, and we're so grateful for the prayers. Strength is sure needed these days.
DeleteSometimes we get so busy with life that we miss the beauty of the present, like walking outdoors in the sunshine. Maybe pain makes us pause long enough to celebrate the now.
ReplyDeleteYour Barbara should get a medal for conquering Mount Tax of Indiana. ;)
Vicki, I sure agree that Barb deserves a medal...and a ticker-tape parade...for defeating the Indiana taMountain. It would have intimidated me, for sure.
DeleteAnd yes, the pain has made me, finally, pause to appreciate the life I have, and I'm grateful for that.
That image of you waiting for Barb at the summit of Everest is beautiful. May it be so!
ReplyDeleteThank you so much, Jeannie; and that is how I am positive it will happen.
DeleteOkay Team, before everyone thinks I'm some kinda tax guru, lol. I Will Never e-file again EVER! Last time I did e-filing was 2002 or 2003. Now I Remember why!
ReplyDeleteWhat a time consuming, unnecessary process. The state and federal government get all these forms, why oh why oh why must I recreate everyone of them?!?
Colgan take me away. 🤣
You're a guru, Barb, because you stuck with it and saw it through
DeleteYou did a great job. I am so impressed, and so awed by your diligence and competence.
She is one fabulous, gutsy woman, Andrew. A perfect life companion for you.
ReplyDeleteWhat a team. You guys show us how to do this season well.
Bless you.
Oh my, Andrew! I didn't know the latest on your condition! I'm fueling up the prayers for the cancers and more! I love your sense of humor in the midst of such tragedy and pain, though. I know that Barbara would love for you to write of how you feel about things from a serious and sorrowful perspective. I totally understand her need for that from you, but also understand your need to remain resolute and strong. To focus on your hurt might be overwhelming when your energies must stay in the fight for your life. Prayers for you both! And kudos to Barbara for rocking those taxes!
ReplyDeleteEach day is a gift. My dad is awaiting a diagnosis. The words cirrosis and cancer are being said. It's sobering but also a gift. Forever is only in eternity, so our finite lives are put better in perspective while staring at the end of this life. Makes me want to engage more. For that, I'm thankful.
ReplyDeleteI'm thankful for you, too. The humor and grace with which you and Barbara have been walking on this journey has inspired me.