Pain's off the scale, nausea's off the charts, and the dry heaves have me convinced that this is how I shall die, retching uncontrollably, with consciousness fading, and perpetual light dawning.
But in the meantime, it really hurts.
I have been lowered to my hands and knees, trying to catch my breath and wailing, "I can't do this! I wanna go home!"
Ask Barb. She was there. On second thought maybe don't, it's a moment I am sure she'd prefer to forget.
I'd like to say it was pain talking, but that isn't accurate. It was me, all right, the part of me that I used to disdain, and for whom I now have to find a measure of compassion.
It's not easy. I can't strap this Weaker Me to the rack and tell him,"Don't worry about the pain, It's just weakness being forced from the body."
I can't make him do a thousand moral press-ups to build the musculature of fortitude.
Moto sloganeering doesn't work, and he can't comprehend something like "Only in agony's crucible can we find out what God wanted us to be".
He's not that interested in hifalutin' goals. He just wants it to stop. "Love thy neighbour as thyself," he reminds. "Compassion for others is worth little when you don't extend it inward."
I gently shut him back into the basement of my psyche, and return to my world.
The good may die young, but badass lives forever!
But I haven't locked that cellar door, because I know in my heart that badass will one day be broken, and it'll be left for that compassionate, gentle individual to return blinking to the light of day, pick up the shattered remnants of My Strength That Was, and carry them...US...to the Throne of Grace.
August 9 was the 15th anniversary of Barb marrying me, and while courting, I would sing her this song. Here it is, peformed by the great Jo Stafford...You Belong To Me.
Still hoping to get the new and improved version of Blessed Are The Pure Of Heart up and running in the near future. Just haven't had the energy to do it yet...but if you would like to read it, please say so in your comment and I'd be glad to send you a PDF (which should fit your Kindle).
Marley update... been moved to a sanctuary, and Bay County will revise their 'dangerous dog' codes.
If you can, please do leave a comment. I am trying to answer all, and I am failing, but please know this - I read and treasure each one.
Below are my recent releases on Kindle -please excuse their presence in the body of the blog. I haven't the energy to get them up as 'buttons' in the sidebar. You can click on the covers to go to the Amazon links.