And emotionally hard, as well.
So, here goes.
We all want to be mourned at our death, and remembered. Even though we be Christians with a lienhold in Paradise, we instinctively want that temporal immortality of not being forgotten.
But how much do we want it, and more importantly, to what end?
When I die, do I want Barbara to lie in bed through long sleepless nights, weeping because the memory of my voice is fading? Do I want her to hold my tools to her bosom, because I was the last one to have held them?
Sure. Not for me, but for her, because there is a real need to grieve. No one gets a free pass on that, in any marriage worthy of the name.
And the Bible sets aside forty days as a period of mourning. But only forty.
And then, life goes on. It has to.
So, consider a situation that I will take pains to stress is hypothetical. It has no counterpart in real life. None.
What if Barbara met someone at church, a Godly widower with for whom she found herself developing an affection...an affection that was returned? Or what if she had an old friend from her past, who had loved her from afar and who was now uncommitted?
And what if they developed an unspoken understanding, that, upon my death, they might one day be together?
How would I feel about that? Pretty good, really. In fact, if I could physically do it, I'd be turning cartwheels.
I want my wife to be happy. I wish that we could grow old in shared happiness, but since that's not to be, I want her to find the happiness she can, without any feeling that she's betraying my memory...even if I am still alive.
Please note that I am not suggesting physical or emotional betrayal. Far from it; that would do more damage than anything.
But I would be delighted that she had something to which she could look forward. I don't want her to face the cold air of a lonely winter alone.
And to think of another man here, playing with my dogs, using my tools, reading my books...loving my wife?
Yes to all of them. I want my dogs to have another friend when I'm gone, and my tools to find other skilled hands. I want my books to be cherished for their own sake, but also that the familiar titles will still be around my wife.
And I want Barbara to be loved.
God has His plans and seasons; but however He cares to do it...
Please, God, find someone who will love my wife, and the remaining parts of my life, when I'm gone.
Musical theme is that lovely song from the Plain White T's, Hey There Delilah.
Still hoping to get the new and improved version of Blessed Are The Pure Of Heart up and running in the near future. Just haven't had the energy to do it yet...but if you would like to read it, please say so in your comment and I'd be glad to send you a PDF (which should fit your Kindle).
Marley update... been moved to a sanctuary, and Bay County will revise their 'dangerous dog' codes.
If you can, please do leave a comment. I am trying to answer all, and I am failing, but please know this - I read and treasure each one.
Below are my recent releases on Kindle -please excuse their presence in the body of the blog. I haven't the energy to get them up as 'buttons' in the sidebar. You can click on the covers to go to the Amazon links.