Have to write ahead, while I can, so I don't know what the word will be. Sorry. (The word is COMMON.)
In reply to my last post, my dear friend Tammy Belau relied that "to love is to be vulnerable".
Wow. She is so right.
Last night, and the night before, were dreadful. Think of the worst flu you've ever had, magnify it, and that's some idea.
I sleep in the 'kennel room' to be near the dogs, and also because I would keep Barb awake if we slept in the same room. Not good for closeness, but practical. Barb has a demanding job.
So the night was dreadful. Sylvia the Service Dog stayed with me at the ottoman, while ladron the Chief Service Dog went to Barbara's door and stared at it, willing her to wake up. (That didn't work, and when Barb got up at the usual time, Ladron was awfully mad...seeing a Queensland Heeler Meltdown is not pretty.)
I knew that Lardon - who is far more intelligent than I am - thought Barbara needed to be here. I knew she was trying to will The B out of slumber.
But I thought...what can Barbara do?
She could hold my hand.
And the practical benefit would be...nothing. I might feel better, but she'd lose sleep. I can hack it. I'm tougher than anyone I know.
That's true. I actually am tougher than anyone I know, and it's meaningless, because there's always something that will break you. It's biology.
So what did I do, last night? I cheated myself out of help and support, I denied Ladron the purpose of her role as a service dog, and I denied Barbara the chance to be needed, because I wanted to live in my 'tough guy bubble'.
What did I gain? Nothing.
It was a long and scary night, and I faced it without the ally who had promised to be there.
ALL BECAUSE OF PRIDE. I AM INVULNERABLE.
Please, learn from this. Vulnerability is something we all have, or should have, in common. Being me is no virtue.
As another view on vulnerability, I'd like to ask you to look at Harry Yates' memoir of flying in the Royal Air Force during the Second World War, Luck and a Lancaster. There is more heart here than I could have in a dozen lifetimes. This is not an 'affiliate link'. If you buy the book - and I hope you do - I won't get a cent.
Much to my surprise, I decided to participate in a '31 Days' blogging exercise; rather than interrupt the flow of this post, I have another blog established, "Starting The Day With Grace". The focus is a grace quote from someone you might not expect (like, say Ariel Sharon) and a short commentary.
And now that October's over...I'm going to keep it going. I hope you'll join me.
Marley update...he's probably going to be moved to a sanctuary, and Bay County will revise their 'dangerous dog' codes.
WE ARE MAKING A DIFFERENCE!
He's up over 200,000 signatures, but PLEASE keep the pressure on. If you haven't signed, please do! Please click o his name in the paragraph below.
If you have a moment, I'd like to ask you to visit Change.org to consider a petition to free a 'death row dog' who has been separated from his family for ten months over a misunderstanding. Marley was saved from Afghanistan by a US serviceman; please help make sure this story doesn't end in needless tragedy! Marley's gotten a lot of support...but he still needs our help.
If you can, please do leave a comment. I am trying to answer all, and I am failing, but please know this - I read and treasure each one.
Below are my recent releases on Kindle -please excuse their presence in the body of the blog. I haven't the energy to get them up as 'buttons' in the sidebar. You can click on the covers to go to the Amazon links.