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Love and marriage are the greatest adventures in life, and they point they way to our relationship with the Almighty.

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Thursday, February 12, 2015

When Marriage Turns Boring {Five Minute Friday}

Time for Five-Minute Friday , hosted by Kate Motaung. The challenge is to write for five minutes on a given "theme word", posted by Kate on Thursday night...and then stop when the timer dings.

We're also linking to The Weekend Brew.

Today's word is when..


What do you do when your  marriage becomes so routine that every conversation seems like it's played out a thousand times before, when you feel like you can predict what your husband or wife will do in every situation?

When you feel that nagging irritation at things you used to find charming?

What do you do?

Look inward,

Chances are that your spouse has not gotten dull, or has taken a stupid-boring-so-YESTERDAY pill.

You've just stopped paying attention.

We all grow, and as Tennyson said in his wonderful poem "Ulysses", we are a p[art of all that we have met.

Your mate is meeting life, every day, just like you.

but are you listening? Do you still care?

Do you want to hear the refinements, the enrichment of a soul you once held in esteem above every other?

Or do you just want something new...like the driver who trades in a serviceable car for the latest model, or the job-hopper who's looking for the next big career move?

It's an important question; you have to chose between the bright surface of the new, roiling in flashing rapids, or the deep, still water of the known but undiscovered country.

Think of it as a treasure hunt...you're not likely to find a treasure chest in the rapids.

it'll be hidden in the deep water.


If you have a moment, please visit me at my other blog, "Starting The Day With Grace".


  1. Wise advice, my friend! I think we are all often caught unaware by the fact that we (and our spouse) change as we grow older. What we once loved, we may only like now. We might start enjoying Brussel sprouts or some other odd thing. That's the cool thing about long-term commitment if we'd only just realize it. We change. There's always something new and exciting to discover!

    1. Absolutely. The discovery can go on every day, and can build so much into the relationship!

  2. I think the biggest thing I ever realized was that my husband wasn't boring, he was human. He keeps all his emotions so closed in, that it took me 16-17 years of marriage before I realized *I* was being selfish. And while life may still be "boring," I have learned how to love the boring bits as much as the exciting parts. Good writing tonight.

    (visiting from FMF)

    1. Thank you! Yes, and if we choose to love the boring bits...we may find that they offer the kind of memories we treasure most of all.

  3. Oh wow. What profound wisdom here today! (Thank you!) I'll be thinking about those rapids and deeps for some time today... it's easy to stay on the exciting/frothy surfaces, distracted by immediacy. It's more scary to go diving in the deeps, and we have to be prepared for others to go deeper with us too.

    1. The deeps can be scary...more pressure, and sometimes less light, but oh, the wonders we may be privileged to see!

      And in the deeps, we always need a swim buddy.

  4. Andrew - deep thoughts regarding still water! You are so right - that if things get boring it's on us. How about me? Am I boring too? Or do I need to communicate more or listen more or pay more attention? Love it!

    1. Carol,. thank you. Like everything else in marriage, it's very much a process that moves in both directions.

  5. Andrew, what an amazing post. And you touched on the American mindset too. We, in general are so quick to move on to the "new," but we miss so much by not staying in the Now. In what we already have. And applying this to marriage? Beautifully stated. The treasures are found in the still deep waters, waiting to be discovered.

    1. Thanks, Jeanne...it is very American, and that is an excellent point.

      We have a lot to learn from other cultures, in which Now is much closer to everything they have.

  6. I am finding as I change...accepting more of who my husband is and the "condition" he has...that things go so much more smoothly. We accept who we are and what we "bring to the table".

    Thank you for sharing your focus on this word!!

    1. Barbara, you said that with beauty and grace. Thank you - just perfect!

  7. ... yeah. and maybe i've become boring, myself.