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Thursday, February 26, 2015

Visiting Hours {Five Minute Friday / The Weekend Brew}

Time for Five-Minute Friday , hosted by Kate Motaung. The challenge is to write for five minutes on a given "theme word", posted by Kate on Thursday night...and then stop when the timer dings.

Today's word is visit.

We're also linked to The Weekend Brew.


Used to be, folks would set (not 'sit'...why?) on their porches and visit with the neighbors for a spell...

What's a spell?

And when did you last see a modern house with a porch? (When I lived in California Suburbia, I hung out in the garage, with the door open, and the neighborhood kids positively flocked to the place...but not for me. They wanted to cuddle up with my Pit Bull, Kareem.)

Visiting with them was fun, but time snapped the reins and I wound up in laces where visiting wasn't practical. I got out of the habit, and lost the knack.

And I recently realized that I don't know how to visit at all, any more, even with my wife.

Sure, we talk, en passant, in the kitchen or in the living room or in the yard, but I cannot recall the last time we sat down together and just visited.

It's been years. The last time I remember, we went out and looked at the stars, and exchanged the odd word. (The occasional word, I mean...most of the words themselves weren't odd...well, some were...uh, where was I?)

Oh, right. It's a nice memory, but we just don't do that now. Early this morning there was a big glowing cloud in an otherwise clear predawn sky, and I asked Barbara to come look at it as it grew and turned salmon-pink, long before the sun touched anything.

Still don't know what it was...if a cloud, wouldn't it have been there when the sun came up? It was gone by then. Totally.

But we didn't visit. We talked about what it might be, and that was it.

And in a way...this is bad...but in a way I was relieved.

Because visiting is a form of intimacy, and that can be scary.

Even, or especially, with one's wife.


If you have a moment, please stop by at my other blog, Starting The Day With Grace.


  1. To set a spell is very Southern. Sort of like I'm fixin' ta set a spell. Lol


  2. We don't do that "visiting" much any more, do we? It's a shame. I'm glad to VISIT you today from #FMF!

    1. And I am glad to have the chance to visit with you! Thank you for dropping by; I do appreciate it.

  3. Don't get me wrong--but I think your encounter with your wife this morning classifies with a 'visit'. You cared enough about her to share the wonder and beauty at something you saw. You talked about it. You touched bases. That's a visit, in my book! Not all visits need to include deep discussion--those can be itchy and uncomfortable. Just spending shared time together qualifies as a 'visit' in my book!

  4. Loved this, Andrew. As my hubby's and my lives change and grow with our boys and his jobs, it's getting harder to just visit. We talk parenting, work, and other things, but I'm discovering I have to be intentional to have a good visit with my man.

    Your post challenged me to set a spell with my honey this weekend. Thank you for that.

    1. You're welcome...and I hoped that you enjoyed visiting with him!

  5. Enjoyed reading this post...I remember those porches, some with swings and others just a few chairs scattered about. My youngest daughter moved into a house that has a porch, and it's full of kid stuff...and a table and a few chairs. And, my older daughter has lived in neighborhoods like the ones you speak of with the garage doors wide open and people stopping by for a visit. Once upon a time, neighbors and neighborhoods got together and bar-b-qued out and if something was needed, just ran across the street or next door to get it.

    No, we don't do that much anymore.

    But, we DO share with out "significant others"; whether our spouses or girl/boyfriends, etc. It's hard for me to share with my hubby because I get too frustrated just trying to carry on a conversation. He wants to do the talking; if I attempt to chime in to make a comment...well, I've just learned not to. And if I DO get a chance to say something, I have to repeat it 3 or 4 times for him to even hear or understand me!

    Oh, well...visit! Let's stop for a while and visit!!

    Thanks for sharing!

    1. I think you're right...that as our time is more fragmented, visiting is one of the things that has been sacrificed, and we are the poorer for that.

      And yes, carrying on a conversation can be hared when you realize that whatever you're saying, your conversational partner is just waiting for you to finish so he or she can resume what THEY are saying. I'm so sorry that is something you have to deal with, for you do, truly, have much to say, and much that needs to be heard.

  6. When our kids were younger, I visited much more with the neighbors. We all hung out watching the kids play and there was daily connection that built a sweet community. I miss that kind of visiting and I should be more intentional about creating connection with others. A good reminder in your blog today. Visiting from The Weekend Brew. Thanks for stopping by my blog as well.

    1. I miss it, too. Where I live now, there would be no way to recreate it (and I'm too ill, now, to try), but I wish there could be found a paradigm that would allow iPads and leisurely visits to coexist in peace.

      One can always hope!

  7. I miss the days when I would sit for long periods of time and visit with my husband and my children. Now the children are adults and teens and are having their own things to do and my husband and I can be two ships passing in the night if we aren't careful. Does sitting next to one another on the couch watching TV classify as visiting? I hope so! Thanks for sharing at The Weekend Brew!

    1. I think that any time spent together, sharing an activity, does indeed count. It builds that reservoir of shared experience that allows the kind of easy and comfortable intimacy we all crave, yet so rarely find.