Why we're here...

Love and marriage are the greatest adventures in life, and they point they way to our relationship with the Almighty.

We're honored to be a member of the Christian Marriage Bloggers Association...click on their logo to visit them.


Thursday, February 5, 2015

Keeping Secrets In Marriage {Five Minute Friday / The Weekend Brew}

Time for Five-Minute Friday , hosted by Kate Motaung. The challenge is to write for five minutes on a given "theme word", posted by Kate on Thursday night...and then stop when the timer dings.

We're also linking to The Weekend Brew.

Today's word is keep..


Do you keep secrets in from your husband or wife?

There are two types of secrets in marriage. Secrets of the past, and secrets of the present.

Secrets of the past are usually the shameful, humiliating, or just plain stupid things you did when you were younger...or things that were done to you.
They come from a time before you met your mate, most likely,.

Do you tell, or do you let sleeping dogs lie?

Depends. if it's something that will eventually be something your mate will have to deal with, or, like childhood sexual abuse, may affect part of your relationship, you've probably got to plan on sharing.

But other stuff...like the pack of gum you shoplifted when you were twelve...maybe not.

Think about these, when deciding.

  • You can't unsay things. Once it's out there, it's part of your relationship
  • Your spouse is not your therapist
That last word...therapist...there's the key. If you have doubt, talk to a therapist (or a pastor) first. Just tell your mate there's something bugging you, and you want to talk to a professional...believe me, most spouses don't want to be pressed into therapeutic service, and will happily drive you to the office and wait outside.

Then there are secrets of the present. Not the "I got you something for Christmas but I'm not telling you!" kind, but the "I did something horrible and I hope he/she doesn't find out!" variety.

These are the secrets that hurt.

First, stop the behaviour.

Second, therapist time.

Third, with the therapist's help (and, probably, presence)...come clean, if that's indicated.

Secrets of the past, you can sometimes keep.

Secrets of the present, you've got to throw them away. They're grenades, the pin's pulled, and the spoon's sprung off...and there's the little hiss that tells you the fuse is burning.

Kinda stupid to hold on to the thing, eh?


If you have a moment, please visit me at my other blog, "Starting The Day With Grace".

This post is linked to Wedded Wednesday, a compendium of really cool posts on marriage. If you click on the logo below, you'll be taken to www.messymarriage.com, which is the springboard to a wealth of information. It's run by Beth Steffaniak, who has a heart for marriage and a soul for God!


  1. Secrets just lead to more secrets. So it isn't worth trying to keep them especially when dealing with your spouse, but I do think stuff from your past that you need to work on doesn't mean you are keeping secrets from you spouse. Good advice and great thoughts.

    1. Well-said...secrets lead to more secrets. Thank you for that!

  2. I couldn't agree more. My husband and I agreed to share information about our pasts without details. In the present? Yes, we need to share that.

    1. That sounds like a good strategy - disclosure, no details.

  3. Great advise Andrew!!! I don't like keeping secrets!!!! My husdban is my best friend and I hope never have to keep secrets from him specially if our relationship is involved. Thank you so much!!!

    1. You said that beautifully, Sandra - straight from the heart, about your Best Friend. Thank you!

  4. Once again, you've got some great advice, Andrew! Thank you :).

  5. Great words for about secrets past and present for any relationship. Like the Kenny Rogers song tells us we need to know when to hold them and when to fold them. Thank you for joining The Weekend Brew.

    1. One of my favourite songs...I love the tie-in. Thanks!

  6. Glad I stopped by. Love every bit of what you have written.

    You FMF friend,

  7. I appreciate the "your spouse is not your therapist." Very good advice! Secrets can hurt and destroy.... if they are said or if they are unsaid. And the image of the grenade? Wow. So true.

    Thanks for stopping by my blog for FMF. I appreciate your words here and there. :)

  8. Love this, Andrew. I always think of that iconic quote (not sure who it's by), "We are only as sick as our secrets." Yes, secrets are like an activated hand-grenade. They can kill a relationship if they blow up when we're least expecting it. Thanks for this very important and challenging word of wisdom, my friend. I'll be sharing it!