Today's word is open..
We're also linked to Inspire me Monday.
Can you be open in your marriage? can you open up your heart?
Emotional intimacy is one of the key points of a good marriage...but it's much harder to achieve than it might seems, because as the relationship deepens, we learn more about the person with whom we've chosen to share our life.
Including how to hurt him or her, and we we often - too often - use that information, either deliberately, or in reaction to a perceived hurt...or even a perceived threat of hurt.
It's a vicious cycle, and we learn that marriage is not a terribly safe place, sometimes. We're vulnerable...too vulnerable.
How can we step out of this conundrum? Can we even get out?
I think, yes, we can, but it takes an act of will, and no little courage.
- First, we have to learn that pain is a part of the deal, and that we can absorb the blows - without hitting back. We can be bigger than the arrows loosed against us. We can let it go.
How? By trusting the marriage, rather than the moment. The promise, and the history, are worth far more than a few words said in anger. let it go.
- Second, we can guard our end of the conversation, and check - every time we speak - that we are not about to say a hurtful thing, or that we're hitting back.
Not easy, but what this really takes is the discipline to think first, then talk. Don't try to implement this in the heat of argument, first off!
Practice on the easy stuff. Like, before you say, "Good morning", think about how you might want to phrase it differently. get into the habit of thinking first. then, when the chips are down, it won't be so tough.
And you'll have taken the first step to being a person with whom your spouse can open his or her heart...and helping your spouse become someone to whom you can open yours.
If you have a moment, please visit me at my other blog, "Starting The Day With Grace".