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Today's word is keep..
Do you keep secrets in from your husband or wife?
There are two types of secrets in marriage. Secrets of the past, and secrets of the present.
Secrets of the past are usually the shameful, humiliating, or just plain stupid things you did when you were younger...or things that were done to you.
They come from a time before you met your mate, most likely,.
Do you tell, or do you let sleeping dogs lie?
Depends. if it's something that will eventually be something your mate will have to deal with, or, like childhood sexual abuse, may affect part of your relationship, you've probably got to plan on sharing.
But other stuff...like the pack of gum you shoplifted when you were twelve...maybe not.
Think about these, when deciding.
- You can't unsay things. Once it's out there, it's part of your relationship
- Your spouse is not your therapist
That last word...therapist...there's the key. If you have doubt, talk to a therapist (or a pastor) first. Just tell your mate there's something bugging you, and you want to talk to a professional...believe me, most spouses don't want to be pressed into therapeutic service, and will happily drive you to the office and wait outside.
Then there are secrets of the present. Not the "I got you something for Christmas but I'm not telling you!" kind, but the "I did something horrible and I hope he/she doesn't find out!" variety.
These are the secrets that hurt.
First, stop the behaviour.
Second, therapist time.
Third, with the therapist's help (and, probably, presence)...come clean, if that's indicated.
Secrets of the past, you can sometimes keep.
Secrets of the present, you've got to throw them away. They're grenades, the pin's pulled, and the spoon's sprung off...and there's the little hiss that tells you the fuse is burning.
Kinda stupid to hold on to the thing, eh?
If you have a moment, please visit me at my other blog, "Starting The Day With Grace".
This post is linked to Wedded Wednesday, a compendium of really cool posts on marriage. If you click on the logo below, you'll be taken to www.messymarriage.com, which is the springboard to a wealth of information. It's run by Beth Steffaniak, who has a heart for marriage and a soul for God!