Your Dying Spouse 293 - God Didn't Make You Sick!

"God is allowing your husband to die slowly in front of your eyes for a reason."

The person who says that to a caregiving wife is liable to need some caregiving him-or-herself, caregiving of the post-oral-surgery kind. Well, at least if said caregiving wife is anything like mine.

(Yes, this is something I've talked about before. But please bear with me - this is written through the lens of vastly-increased pain and some other stuff I'll forbear to describe, except to say that it was unexpected, and really bad for morale.)

But the question does remain...what kind of God would allow this? And to what end?

There are those who would say that He allows it - or, worse, sends it - so that one will 'lean into him'.

In other words, they are having God say, "Here, see how awful life can be? And I am your only refuge!"

That's something abusers do to bind their victims to them, and I don't believe for a moment that we serve a God like that.

The supposition goes that the victim of the adversity - such a sterile word - will learn something of life and faith. However...

On March 19, 1945, the aircraft carrier USS FRANKLIN was struck by a single Japanese bomb. Its flight and hanger decks were crowded with fueled and armed aircraft, and it lit off in n inferno that cannot be imagined by anyone who wasn't there. Aeroplanes melted, and men were cooked.

In one anecdote, historian Joseph Springer (in his masterful book Inferno) describes an officer who was suddenly faced by a sailor he knew - and who was on fire from head to feet.

The sailor pleaded with the officer to shoot him; while the officer drew his sidearm, he couldn't shoot...and the sailor, in desperation, threw himself into the sea, and died.

How long did the man burn, and what possible lessons could he have learned before taking the only option he had?

What kind of God would do this?

NOT OURS.

I don't believe for a moment that God sends the pain, or that He 'allows' it, in the manner that He could divert it but chooses not to.

He allows it because it's a necessary part of a world in which free will is a necessity. We have been made in His image, and that includes the capacity for independent thinking - and we have to be free to choose Him.

And that, by inference, has to allow for randomness in the world we inhabit - free will in nature and circumstance.

By either opening us to specific misfortune or by protecting us from the same, God would be negating His own plan. He made us with free will because he didn't want to spend eternity with a bunch of wind-up toys - and that would be exactly what He would get if He showed us that our free will was essentially meaningless, because He suspended free will in nature.

So He can't spare us without wrecking His own paradigm - but He can do all He is able to help us through. He can show us small things, signs that will strengthen our faith.

A long time ago I prayed - this is gonna sound stupid - for something red to appear on the ground as a sign that God's looking out for me. You don't often see bright red in the New Mexico high desert.

And yet...every day, something's there. Something red.

He's in control. His idea of control may be different to my idea (HEAL ME!")

But He's in control nonetheless, and I'm OK with that.

We're linked with Messy Marriage's From Messes To Messages - please visit for some great marriage resources!

A bit of news..."Blessed Are The Pure Of Heart" has come home! Tate Publishing has gone south, and I regained the rights, so it'll soon be available in both Kindle hardcopy versions once again. In the meantime, if you absolutely can't wait (!), you can still get used copies from Amazon.

I have another blog, "Starting The Day With Grace". The focus is a grace quote from someone you might not expect (like, say Mick Jagger) and a short commentary. I hope you'll join me.

Marley update... been moved to a sanctuary, and Bay County will revise their 'dangerous dog' codes.

WE MADE A DIFFERENCE!

And marley has a Facebook page! Please drop by to see how happy he is today.

If you can, please do leave a comment. I am trying to answer all, and I am failing, but please know this - I read and treasure each one.

Below are my recent releases on Kindle -please excuse their presence in the body of the blog. I haven't the energy to get them up as 'buttons' in the sidebar. You can click on the covers to go to the Amazon links.