Your Dying Spouse 265 - Caregiver Lessons From Dogs

This post was suggested by my service dogs, Sylvia and Ladron, and their assistants - Red, Strawberry, and Chris.

Everyone intuitively understands that dogs make splendid companions, and that they can provide a degree of caregiving far beyond what we might expect - look at seeing eye dogs, for example, and dogs trained to recognize the onset of epileptic fits...and trained to call 911.

But what about the nuts and bolts of caregiving? What, in the day-to-day stuff, can a human caregiver learn from a dog?

Plenty, and again, it's not necessarily that which you would expect.

• Be there - one of the most important things dogs know how to do - which can be hard for people - is just being there without trying to improve the situation. A dog will not ask if you need something to drink, or whether you want the channel changed, or note that you're looking depressed and do you want to talk about it? Not that these aren't good caregiving actions - they are. But more often than you may think, the best thing to lend is your presence. Illness, especially terminal illness, is a terribly lonely road. A quiet companion who's content to stay with you is wonderful
• Gentle touch - when watching a DVD, i sit on the floor - chairs are far too uncomfortable now. One of the dogs will sit near me, with a paw lightly touching. It isn't intrusive, and I think it serves two purposes. First, it's a warning mechanism, in case I lose consciousness. But I think there's more, a desire to say, Hey, I'm here. For your husband or wife, a hand resting lightly on a knee or shoulder would be, I think, greatly appreciated. And so would an affectionate and light touch as you walk past.
• Be a little bit demanding - when I got worse, Ladron, who never rolls on her back for anyone (she's a Red Heeler, and they don't do that) suddenly decided she needed belly rubs from me. She didn't ask Barbara. This is Ladron's way of keeping me involved, and making me feel like I have a responsibility right back to her.
• Commiserate - the process I'm going through is frightening, and sometimes I cry in private. The dogs will come and cry with me. They don't try to make it better, they don't suggest that I look on the bright side ("You'll see Jesus soon!"), and they don't judge ("It's good you can finally cry!" Which makes me not want to.)
• Offer to play - though you, as a human caregiver, might not wish to walk around with a tennis ball in your mouth, in the hope that your mate will throw it for you, it's good to recognize that play may be more important than ever in your spouse's life, and in your relationship.  Board games can be a lot of fun, and a challenge, and (so I am told) can video games. Puzzles can offer fun and companionship as well. And if your sick husband or wife is ambulatory, how about some miniature golf...or a game of pool?

What do you think? Are there any other canine-taught tips you'd like to add?

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