As a caregiver, one of the most important things you can do is...keep the promises you make.
It doesn't matter if it's something small, like agreeing to prepare a special meal that your husband or wife might still be able to enjoy, or something big, like working to fulfill a last 'bucket list' milestone.
When the person you love is on a mortal timeline, a promise kept is a validation.
It says to the recipient, you're still important...what I can do to make your life easier, I will. No excuses, and no unnecessary delays.
Until you feel your days dwindling, you don't know how that feels.
We're used to promises deferred. I mean, life happens, and in the normal course of events, we understand that.
Sorry...stuff got in the way...how about next week?
I just can't swing it now...but wait 'till next year, and we'll take that trip.
That's part of marrie life, bit the situation and the expectation that it will be accepted.
But when next week may bring a further decline that makes the homemade pizza impossible to eat...or that there is likely not going to be a next year...that puts a different complexion on things.
This is not to say it'll be held against you. I think that most people, when faced with death, become pretty philosophical about disappointment. After all, the process of seeing one's body fail is a seemingly unending string of disappointment.
But why add to it?
This situation seems to call for invoking a What Would Jesus Do paradigm -
Only say yes when you mean yes.
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Below are my recent releases on Kindle -please excuse their presence in the body of the blog. I haven't the energy to get them up as 'buttons' in the sidebar. You can click on the covers to go to the Amazon links.
This makes perfect sense. Thank you, Andrew. I also think it's important in a non-terminal relationship. Broken promises suck. (I hate that term, but when I want to be emphatic, I use it.) xo
ReplyDeleteKeeping our promises is so important at every stage of life and marriage, but none more important of a time than when the days are numbered. I know that any kind of neglect like that would truly hurt my heart if I were in your shoes, Andrew. It's enough that you have physical hurts but to have emotional and relational ones added to it is so hard to hear. Praying that the preciousness of your moments with Barbara would come into crystal clear focus for the both of you!
ReplyDeleteYou remind me of the Scripture ... "Let your yes be yes, and your no be no." Something like that. But the last thing a dying person needs is someone upset over a broken promise. That breaks my heart.
ReplyDelete"It says to the recipient, you're still important." Our yeses that we keep are bridge-builders for the future, and joy-bringers in our present. Thanks for the reminder that we should speak the truth and mean it.
ReplyDeleteThe carehome where my parent resides has this motto 'Promises Kept.' The director told me that they work hard to keep their promises--to the residents and the residents' families. I appreciated her comment. But people do fail us, as all of us could attest is true. Thankfully, God ALWAYS keeps his promises. He never fails. And that's a good thing.
ReplyDelete"Only say yes when you mean yes"...oh, that we would ALL live that way, Andrew...a "yes" when that is what we really mean; or a "no" when that is what we really mean...so simple?! Huh?! Perhaps not!
ReplyDeleteThank you as always for opening our eyes to these wisdoms you share with us! Promises to keep...and I DO promise to pray for you and Barb!!