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Thursday, November 26, 2015

Your Dying Spouse 88 - Tabula Rasa {FMF}

Time for Five Minute Friday, the keyword-inspired timed writing challenge hosted by Kate Motaung. We are also linked with Wedded Wednesday.

The word this week is...wait for it...TABLE.

Well, OK.

Execute, execute, execute.

I'm going to cheat a little bit, and use tabula rasa.

Clean slate.

That's what dying gives you, a clean slate...and, ironically, a fresh start.

Today is Thanksgiving Day in the USA, and if you have the television on, it's a day of highly hyped consumerism and a celebration of popular culture.

I was a part of that word, once upon a time, but I've been given a clean slate.

I can see past it now, to things that really last (and don''t worry, I'm not going to go all religious on you...y'all know me well enough to know that I keep that stuff pretty private).

I spent the day looking for lessons...yes, I can still apply them...and values.

I found some in Six Days Of War, Michael Oren's narrative of the 1967 Six-Day War between Israel and it neighbours in 1967.

It's really a tragedy...entire countries riding the tiger of bigotry and pride to an end which got a lot of people killed.

A mirror of my own life, in a way, and my own marriage.

How many arguments came from pride? How many times did Barbara and I go to bed angry because I did not want to be wrong?

Too many. Far too many.

How many were the 'positions' from which I would not back down?

Lots.

And the funny thing i that I cannot remember the positions, nor the reasons for pride.

I only remember the hurt it caused, because it planted the seeds of reticence and caution that exists in our relationship to this day.

But the slate has been wiped clean. I don't mean that the past has been erased...nothing will undo the hurt, not now.

But I can see thatt he reasons that I inflicted the hurt were meaningless. My pride, and my presumed rectitude...counted for nothing.

Human dynamics are whatthey are, and Barbara isn;t dying. Issues still arise.

But it's easier to let them go, because I know not - late, but not too late, that the love is more important than 'psoition', and that peace is more important than any point I could possibly make.

Ended.

Please comment, if you are of a mind to do so...I am still working through replying to the comments from last week...writing and thinking are getting harder, but your comments mean more to me now than ever.

I need you guys.

There's another ebook that is now live on Kindle..."PTSD And The Holidays - Helping The Veteran You Love". If you'd like a copy, please either click on the cover to go to Amazon or email me at tempusfugit02 (at) gmail (dot) com and I'll send a PDF. It;'s short, but if you're dealing with PTSD, it may help.




I'd also like to mention, again, the other two new short ebooks.
The first is "Faith in the Night", which describes why, in the face of a life that has largely fallen apart, I still have faith, and still feel loved by God...and why I still want to live.

The second is a Christmas story, "Angela - A New Mexico Christmas". It's about a boy, his grandfather, and the cow that saves their lives in a blizzard...but she's part of a beef herd, and can the rescued become the rescuers?

If you'd like one or both, you can email me (tempusfugit02(at) gmail (dot) com) for a PDF, or click on the covers to go to the Amazon Kindle pages. They's both 99 cents.






32 comments:

  1. So much THIS: "But it's easier to let them go, because I know not - late, but not too late, that the love is more important than 'psoition', and that peace is more important than any point I could possibly make." I think we all could learn from that lesson. Thankful for you friend. I'm over in the #3 spot this week.

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    1. Thank you, Tara...you grace and wisdom...I truly appreciate you.

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  2. You never know how much you waste on frivolous stuff until your worked get turned upside down. I have a husband in prison and I sit and think how many fights did I initiate from my pride. Still praying for y'all!,

    Visiting from fmf parked at number six this week!

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    1. And I am praying for you, Miranda. You're good people. You are loved.

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  3. You friend have reminded me that it's not about winning the argument, (or at least it shouldn't be) it's about the relationship. Sadly, being married and I'm guessing dying doesn't always guarantee that arguments, or ugly words won't come sometimes because humans can be ugly. I'm certain, I'll still have my fair share of arguing and ugly words, and that I won't remember the position or the whys, but I pray that they'll be less because of your wise words. Praying for you and Barbara.

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    1. Christy, thank you for this...and you're right. We're still human, and unto the end we'll be distressingly so, with unwise words and intemperate comments.

      But maybe, by Grace, a bit less. I hope!

      Thank you so much for your prayers.

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  4. Well, Tara stole my thunder, but yes.
    "But it's easier to let them go, because I know not - late, but not too late, that the love is more important than 'position', and that peace is more important than any point I could possibly make."

    When you don't know if you have tomorrow, yesterday is a lot less of a problem than it was five minutes ago.
    Forgiveness is beautiful and can lend such peace. Blessed are the pure of heart, Andrew.
    You are not alone this week or ever, but know we are faithfully praying for you and Barbara.
    I was thankful for my husband and I working out minor things this week as well. Love is too concerned to stay hurt. And "I'm sorry" goes so far, even if they need to say it first (but won't), we say it so that it's said and it opens the door to "I'm sorry too."

    Bless you! I'm right behind you, soldier, at number 8 tonight.
    We know you're reading the comments even if you don't get to reply because it's too hard. No pressure here. Just thankful for your light shining another week!

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    1. Tammy, yes...just that simple "I'm sorry" can lead to so much. Itcan be so very hard to say!

      I don't feel alone, and that is in large part because of this community. I do not know how life would be without FMF, and I would not like to find out.

      This place has given me meaning when I thought that meaning was gone.

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  5. This is my first time here on your post and have been reading some of your previous posts. I am so sorry you are going through this. You are showing such wisdom and strength in your words even when you are expressing your raw feelings. This is such an insightful post. As a newlywed, I am learning all these things you are talking about here. I am one stubborn girl and sometimes prideful. Thank you for the words of wisdom.

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    1. Fit magnolia...I LOVE that! There is a picture of a magnolia in our foyer, one my wife took and had framed. Now I will always think of you, and this lovely comment.

      Thank you for reading these posts, and in particular, thank you for commenting today. I love the word 'newlywed'...there's such hope in those letters, and I will pray for you. I hope that you find the sacrament that marriage is supposed to be, and that the love between you and your husband mirrors the love God has for both of you.

      I'm so glad you stopped by tonight. For some reason, there's a tear in each eye. For your happiness, I think.

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  6. Can we all learn this lesson? "love is more important than 'position', and that peace is more important than any point I could possibly make" It would make such a difference in every relationship if we could get this. Sigh. Thanks, Andrew! You're still teaching us. Praying for you.

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    1. Lisa, thank you so much for this. One does one's best to be an accurate recorder of what's happening, but it can be so hard as both view and visibility shift.

      I very much appreciate the prayers!

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  7. Your words speak wisdom here: "that the love is more important than 'position', and that peace is more important than any point I could possibly make." Amen, Andrew! Such a shame it can often take a lifetime to learn these things. I too have regrets about the past and the way I behaved out of fear and the pain of not feeling loved even though I was and still am. But I am moving ever forward by God's grace and seeing more beauty in relationships as I learn to live and love better each day. Thank you for your insights and how much you contribute to the FMF community. Blessings and prayers.

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    1. I think that's the key, Joy, you hit it exactly...to keep moving forward, in the acceptance that learning indeed takes a lifetime.

      Thank you so much for the prayers!

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  8. My dear sweet Andrew. I love the term "Tabula Rasa" and will remember it and think of you every time I use the term. I will also remember the support and encouragement you've given me on my own blog. Still praying you get a miracle. Continued blessings to you and Barb.

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    1. Thank you so much, Michele, and please know that the perspectives you've shared in your writing has made mine possible.

      The prayers are very much appreciated. As I write this...rough day.

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  9. "But the slate has been wiped clean. I don't mean that the past has been erased...nothing will undo the hurt, not now."

    I've learned this in the not-so fun way as well... I used to think that by believing in God and following Jesus meant my past was put away, my baggage and hurt was all cleared. That's so far from the truth. But now, I know that what God has done is provided healing and grace from the hurt-- but He uses them, instead of erasing the memory and the hurt forever. The hurt and things that i've done and have happened before and after Christ have made me who i am-- and whether or not they are "baggage" to me or not, they are still here. and he'll use them in one way or another.

    sorry for the soliloquy, but that struck a chord. Prayers and love for you, friend.

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  10. This is a great post- so much wisdom. I love the insight "that the love is more important than 'psoition', and that peace is more important than any point I could possibly make." It can be easy at times to get caught up in the little things and forget what really matters. Thanks for this reminder.

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  11. If we could all only grasp this truth without a terminal diagnosis. . .
    Thank you, Andrew.

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  12. Why is it that (sometimes) it takes dying to realize these things. I (so) want to live realizing them every.single.day. My love and prayers are with you brother, and Barbara.

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  13. Why is it that (sometimes) it takes dying to realize these things. I (so) want to live realizing them every.single.day. My love and prayers are with you brother, and Barbara.

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  14. Andrew, I resonate with your post! Relationship--love--is moreimportant than position. I think that, when we figure this out our relationships re free to deepen and thrive. We all need that clean slate, don't we? Great post, my friend. Praying for you and Barbara.

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  15. It's amazing how clear life gets when you reach the other end, the shorter end. You are loved. You are prayed for.

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  16. Thank you for sharing your heart...openly and honestly. What a treat to read real wisdom on relationship!

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  17. I have been focusing lately on NOT being apart of all the commercialism. It has changed the way we bought gifts this year. We spent more time figuring out "experience" gifts instead of "stuff" to clutter rooms. Family passes to the zoo, etc, instead of extra toys.It has been fun...and eye-opening! It's been a clean slate for our budget as well! :)

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  18. I so wish I could see my pride more clearly in the middle of an argument or hurtful action. It seems to escape me and my spouse's pride seems so glaring! ;-) Thanks for this great reminder, Andrew and perspective-shifter. I love your thought about how you don't remember exactly what was said or done to hurt your mate, but the damage and pain it caused lingers. I hope your Thanksgiving was enjoyable and I'd love to have a pdf of your document, Andrew. I have several people that I'd like to share it with too. So I'll be posting to the Twittersphere!

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  19. Love and peace. Yes. This is a terrific emphasis, Andrew.

    And take the pressure off yourself to be running around answering comments, friend. Savor the relationships, rest well, be at peace ...

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  20. Bless you, Andrew. I'm praying for you.

    Lynette
    #52 this week

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  21. Wise words, my friend. Love is always more important than one's position or being 'right'. All too often I forget. But I'm learning!

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  22. So compelling! Truth I will try to take forward with me.

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  23. Hello, Andrea. I'm still playing catch after being away over the holiday.

    "I cannot remember the positions, nor the reasons for pride." your comment is spot-on here. And we shouldn't have to be in your position to recognize it's truth. Thank you for speaking truth to us, Andrew. God bless you.

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  24. You are only human, and we all do things that we are not proud of and there are times we go to bed still angry...and pride does get in the way most of the time. And we don't even remember - down the road - what we were so angry or prideful about...

    Only human; and forgiven by our God, and also by those we turn our anger upon...Thank you for sharing your life and Barbara's...

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